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Mother Veronica was in the midst of internal and external turbulence. God was her only support. She was deeply anxious about Sr. Elias' whereabouts and her wellbeing. She writes to Father Lazare, 'Oh, Father, if you only knew what a relentless battle the devil wages here! Truly it would be difficult to resist him without that confidence in God which always says, "Even if you kill me, Lord, I shall trust in you". It seems to me Jesus cannot resist this abandonment to his pity and mercy... All the more I cling to his heart. Again, she writes, "I cannot refrain from trusting in God with unlimited confidence". (Life in Letters p.459-60)

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Mother Veronica was always in search of truth and held on to it at all costs. She detested falsehood of any kind. She writes to Father Lazare, "God has impressed on my soul this love of truth, from my childhood and I feel that I love you because you love and sacrifice yourself for truth." She goes on "How many times Monsignor has reproached me for being too truthful and too frank. Well, Father, I honour and love truth and all those who love it." (Life in Letters p. 460-61)

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Mother Veronica shares with Father Lazare a special spiritual grace she received on 21 November, on the profession day of Mary of Jesus crucified, "I personally received a great and immense grace which I have been imploring for a long time and which I prize as the surest of all the graces accorded by God- a true and perfect contrition for my sins." (Life in Letters p. 462)

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Father Lazare was aware that Mary of Jesus Crucified was ill-treated and humiliated by Bishop Marie Ephrem just because, she had spoken the truth about the bishop and he couldn't accept it. He was upset and sent her back to France. Father Lazare who knew the circumstances in India says, "I shall defend her always. The more I apply myself to the notes I have taken, the more I am convinced she was on the right path. If they have not got rid of her, it is not due to them, they have done all they could to achieve this, But I am confident that God has protected her... and when Jesus protects something it is difficult for men to harm it." (Life in Letters p. 467)

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Mother Veronica to Sister Elias on July 20, 1872. She was aware of Sr. Elias' difficulty in writing all that was taking place in India as her letters were censored. Mother Veronica tells her, "I quite understand the state in which you are, but have patience. The light will dawn. You are in a grievous state of heart, out of which our Lord will bring you, purified, as gold in the crucible… God permits that no one should understand you. This is cruel - neither your confessor, nor the sisters nor the mothers have the key to your poor sore heart. Let Jesus have it and keep it for Jesus alone…Be, therefore, of good courage and take heart, dear child. The darkness of the night will pass and then joy cometh in the morning. Wait, wait patiently for him and he will give you your heart’s desire." (Life in Letters p. 472-73)

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Mother Veronica writes very consoling and encouraging letter to Sister Elias in her darkest hour of loneliness and misunderstanding, in the community, miles away from home country. In time of her adversity, Mother Veronica's advice to her: "Have patience, for our dear Lord will not permit you to live always in this way. He knows that you are called to the perfection of religious life and he will arrange all things. Only wait a while, do your duty with the children and occupy your time and be faithful to the grace which our Lord gives you; be obedient and very humble and let your strength be in silence and in hope, and you will see that your hope will not be deceived. (Life in Letters p. 473)

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The following is taken from Bishop Marie Ephrem's – excerpts of a report to the General Council for the Propagation of the Faith on 26 November, 1872. He highlights the presence and mission of the Apostolic Carmel. We come to know the strength of the AC community. He reports, "The third Order of teaching sisters who occupy themselves with great zeal and much dedication in the work of the Holy Childhood. They have three big establishments, one at Mangalore, one at Cannanore and the third is at Calicut. We have number of religious Tertiaries; there are 23, of whom a dozen are professed and 11 novices, most probably they are converts. There are more than 6 postulants. Of the 23 religious, only 3 are Europeans, the rest are indigenous, as also the postulants. (Life in Letters p. 487)

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In the above excerpts Bishop Marie Ephrem appreciates the quality of members of the Apostolic Carmelites in these words: "It is difficult to give you an idea of the fervor, the obedience, and the regularity of these dear children, and of their intelligence in practicing the religious life. Our mothers in the cloister marvel at their young novices and postulants and those of the Third Order are completely satisfactory." (Life in Letters p. 487)

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Even after the return of Sister Agnes, Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified and Father Lazare, to France, Mother Veronica continued to receive candidates at the Little Carmel, Bayonne, still hoping to go to India. However, 1873 she experienced another blow; Sister Agnes' nervous breakdown and return to the world. Secondly there came an order from Bishop La Croix that no more Carmelites of either order would thenceforth go to India. It certainly seemed total collapse of the order Mother Veronica founded. At the advice of everyone she disposed of the candidates and novices, closed down the Little Carmel on 10th Oct. 1873, and returned to Great Carmel. She was fifty years old then. (Life in Letters p. 488).

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Mother Veronica re-entered the Cloistered Carmel of Pau, made the novitiate for one year and was professed as a Cloistered Carmelite on 12 December, 1874. In 1875 a band of sisters from Pau set out for Bethlehem to establish a foundation there. Mother Veronica and Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified were part of that pioneering group. (Life in Letters p. 492)

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In India, after Bishop Marie Ephrem died, for three years there was no bishop; the Vicar General was acting, the Apostolic Carmel convents were all independent of one another, each one having , in addition to its own superior , a priest who was chaplain, manager and confessor and had too much say in convent affairs. The three sisters trained by Mother Veronica were not in the same convent. Given the mixture of congregations and the fact that priests tended to appropriate all the powers, the scene was set for pandemonium. Mother Veronica in the Carmel of Bethlehem probably knew nothing of what was taking place in India. She had no news of the Third Order Regular. Her responsibility for the order had ceased. It was for her now only to pray. (Life in Letters p. 493)

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For three years everything went well at the new foundation of Bethlehem. The sisters lived in peace and concord. Mary of Jesus died on 26 August 1878, and then it seemed that the hell was let loose in the convent. The whole community was thrown into turmoil and disorder. Mother Veronica was overtaken by a sudden and torturous scrupulosity and an intense spiritual darkness. She was one of those who, for whatever reason, were the worst victims. Mother Veronica had all her life prayed and striven to grow in humility and it seemed that now God was providing her with an abundance of the harshest humiliations. (Life in Letters p. 499,501)

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Mother Veronica writes a long letter to the Patriarch of Jerusalem on 10 June, 1880 describing the spiritual darkness she was going through. Very little of it is noted down here for us to understand the interior struggles she went through: "... I accused myself in all my confessions of committed sacrileges, and I wept. God knows that I have never intended profaning the sacraments. How wretched I was, and I received not a word of consolation from anyone. I was afraid of the good God – afraid of Jesus. I dare not pray. I was not able to. I believed I was in his disfavor. I asked for forgiveness and mercy, but I did not dare to say to the good God, 'I love you,' because I felt I was unworthy to love him. Yet, that was all that I desired." (Life in Letters p. 503)

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Mother Veronica in her interior darkness surrendered herself to the mercy and love of God and Mother Mary: "I cried to the blessed Virgin for mercy. I begged her to have pity on this poor soul who was her child.” She made this her constant prayer to Jesus: "Lord, once you loved me and I also loved you. I am sure about it, because you took the trouble like the Good Shepherd to come seeking one so long steeped in Protestantism. Oh, for mercy's sake, do not let this soul be lost, although it is so sinful and unworthy of your graces... have pity on my poor soul that hungers and thirsts for you... permit me to love you. I cannot live without loving you; my heart is made for you: it cannot exist without you." Mother Veronica guides us how to cling on to Jesus and Mary when we are faced with a similar state of the soul. (Life in Letters p. 503-4)

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The providence of God brought into Mother Veronica’s life a strong support and confidant in Patriarch of Jerusalem. He understood the state of her soul and stood by her during the most difficult years of her life in Bethlehem. He kept guiding and comforting; motivating and inspiring spiritually to hold on to her beloved Jesus. In her letter of November 10, 1882, she speaks of an interior voice twice, "Prepare yourself to suffer," and another time, "Be ready for suffering." She then prepared herself to face the wrath of her superior provided she spared the other members of the community. (Life in Letters p. 557)

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Mother Veronica always stood courageously for truth. She saw in her community Marie Joseph, a novice, suffering much, who was sorely tried with suffering and temptation. Mother Veronica offered all her sufferings for the sake of this novice, The Sister's ordeal ended and she made her profession. She was happy in her vocation. Mother Veronica says, "I do not know at all, that my miserable offering served any purpose." But she resolved only the will of God to be accomplished through her. (Life in Letters p. 557)

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There was regular correspondence between Mother Veronica and the Patriarch of Jerusalem her Superior, from 1880 to 1887. He was her beacon of light during her dark days. After nine long years of torture of every kind in the Carmel of Bethlehem, Mother Veronica finally asked the Patriarch's permission to go back to the Carmel of Pau for the peace of her soul- which he readily granted. She finally leaves with two other Sisters on 29 April 1887 to Carmel of Pau. (Life in Letters p. 557)

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On leaving Bethlehem, says, Mother Veronica, "I felt I had a mission in France, especially to support the cause and answer the need of keeping the memory of Saint, Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified." The last nineteen years which Mother Veronica spent at the Pau Carmel were peaceful. God seemed to be making up to her all the sufferings he had sent her up till now. She was welcomed warmly and felt the love of her sisters of Pau. Inwardly too she was at peace. (Life in Letters p. 563)

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On return to the Carmel of Pau initially, Mother Veronica was troubled as this Carmel was partially influenced by the reforms of Fr. Estrate which he had introduced in Bethlehem Carmel. Therefore, she desired to join a Carmelite community where the original rule given by St, Teresa was practiced. Fortunately, Monsignor Ducellier had stopped this pernicious movement. He ordered all the Carmel communities in his diocese to go back to their original observance. Thus, peace was restored in Pau community. She thus writes to Mgr. Fleury Hottot, Bishop of Bayonne, Monsignor, I am old, all that I desire at present is to die a good and holy death, as a daughter of the Church, like our Holy Mother Teresa, and like her, to be submissive to the order and to be helped like, by the same fathers who were also her sons." (Life in Letters p. 581)

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Physical weakness had already set in Mother Veronica. She writes to Father Lazare in February 1888; I would certainly like to forget my poor body here for latterly it has become burdensome. I can scarcely drag it any longer. I say often, how long must I tarry! When can I enter and see the face of God. Just that I have to see you before I depart." (Life in Letters p. 595)

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Once again after Lent in 1888 she writes, "I have abandoned myself totally to the holy will of God and I am so convinced that he directs all my concerns, that I do not have the least anxiety about the future. I do not want anything except what God desires. (Life in Letters p. 596)

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Mother veronica to Father Lazare from Carmel of Pau on Pentecost Tuesday 1888: "My soul feels so much the need of being helped and guided, that I do not wish to get into retreat before seeing you and confiding in you." She continues, "all that I desire is the will of God, and I have always noted that, just when my soul was actually in need, he sent me the angel whom he destined to guide and console me. I, therefore, wait his time in silence and in Hope." (Life in Letters p.600)

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Mother Veronica has some important matters to talk over with Father Lazar"; especially it seems to be about the cause of Mary of Jesus crucified. However, he has not been visiting her for a long time. He had spoken to her about some great suffering and humiliation which might befall on him. She is very concerned about him. She writes to him in January 1889: "I somehow feel you are now suffering, but although I am suffering with you, being your very faithful daughter, I also rejoice that God has found you worthy of suffering and of being humiliated for love of him." (Life in Letters p.612)

Deeds of Charity

Sister Veronica's life tells us, her daughters, that nursing the sick came spontaneously to her. The following lines from her autobiography prove her loving care to the rich and poor alike. She pens, "I pass over silently many other episodes in my life as a sister of charity which would be very interesting, but too long to relate. Suffice it to say that it was my happiness to look after the sick poor and rich, and God blesses those who do so with love." (Auto bio p.43)

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Mother Veronica's letters from Pau Carmel give us the understanding that spiritually she is making real progress and emotionally she is at peace. However, her physical stamina is yet to revive. After the Lenten fast of 1889 in her letter to Father Lazare she pens the following, "I feel extremely weak in body and soul. Lent has tired me very much, for I am only a poor old woman... However, the good Jesus gives me a great deal of patience, and above all, the grace to wish and desire only his holy will." (Life in Letters p.614)

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This is Mother Veronica's prayer of gratitude and confidence in the Lord in her moments of weariness, " Lord, you carried me on your shoulders right into your sheepfold, and from so far- well, would it not be more for your glory to complete the work which you have assuredly begun and lead this soul to a good end." (Life in Letters p.614).

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Mother Veronica's health was deteriorating. On September 20, 1889, she writes to Father Lazare, "I had seen the doctor who has compelled me to eat meat for the rest of my life!!!... When the poor old woman falls, it takes time for her to stand up again… it will be as God wills. To die of old age is, it seems a very sweet death. I do not know if I am nearing the bank of the dark river, where there is no boat to take you across and where I have only to stretch out my foot to find myself conveyed to the other side. I would indeed have liked to…but our heavenly Father will direct all that for the best and take me at a favourable time." (Life in Letters p.623)

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Bishop Pagani of Mangalore diocese visited Mother Veronica at the Carmel of Pau. She was exceedingly happy to receive the first hand news about her beloved daughters in India. She now writes to them on November 1890: "... I must tell you that your good bishop and father, is pleased and satisfied with you and with your manner of working for the glory of God and the good of souls in his diocese... respond to the affectionate interest your good bishop has for you all. Oh! Let me say, he knows each one by name and is interested in each." (Life in Letters p.625-26)

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Mother Veronica exhorts her daughters in India: "Be faithful, my dear children, and obedient to all the orders and desires of your good bishop and father, and the dear and kind Jesuit missionaries, who take such care of you, both in spiritual and temporal things; but also remember, you are Carmelites. Love our Lady of Mount Carmel, as your first and heavenly Mother, be proud to bear her name and wear her holy habit, and be sure she will not refuse to call you her children, and protect you in life and death." (Life in Letters p.626)

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Mother Veronica desired that her daughters in India remain faithful to their Carmeliteness. She had some fears and anxiety since they had come under episcopal jurisdiction of Jesuit bishops, would they allow the Apostolic Carmel houses to remain as Carmelites? Father Athanasius OCD clarifies her doubts and worries saying, "The trunk of the Carmelite Vine, which notwithstanding all her misfortune, is still fertile and full of life. A vine branch transplanted and separated from its Mother Trunk does not for this, cease to be a vine. A house of Carmelites because it passes under episcopal jurisdiction, does not cease to be Carmelite, and is sometimes even more faithful to the order." He reminds her that her daughters in India in all four houses should speak out plainly, that they are Carmelites under episcopal jurisdiction. (Life in Letters p.627-28)

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Father Athanasius OCD reiterates the fact that it is for Mother Veronica's daughters in India to show that “they are Carmelites and Teresians at heart, because they have no other origin and starting point than that branch of Carmel, reformed by St. Teresa.... it is for them to remember their origin, their first cradle, and all the care which has first been given to them by the order." (Life in Letters p.629)

The Exempelary Father

Sophie was born of Anglican parents. She was proud of her parents and thus describes their qualities: "My father although a protestant, was a man of great virtue... practicing conscientiously his religion, he prayed every day with his family and alone in his room... we saw and heard him pray aloud on his knees with joined hands – what is very rare among Protestants- he had a depth of humility which astonished me." She also states that he was a good father, a good husband, excessively charitable to the poor and good to the servants. He never failed in charity, even towards the people whom he had overwhelmed with kindness and who paid him with ingratitude, he did not want to talk against these persons. He had extreme delicacy in his speech; nothing unseemly could be said in his presence. Yet he was amiable, gay and of the best society, his conversations were fine, pleasant that no one could help loving and respecting him. Sophie imbibed many of her father's fine qualities. (Auto biography p.3-4)

The Fervent Mother

Mrs. Leeves was very devoted to her children. She never wanted to be separated from her daughters. She sacrificed herself to give them good education at home. Nothing was too much for her when it was a question of her children who it seemed ought to belong solely to her. She was charitable and loved the poor. (Auto- bio p.5-6)

Scripture a Lived Experince

Pastor Henry Daniel Leeves instilled in his children a deep love for the Word of God. He made them daily read a part of the Holy Gospel in their original Greek language and translate it into English. Sophie attributes the grace of being able to read the holy gospels in their original language was one of the greatest helps to her conversion to Catholicism. (Auto- bio p.6)

Sacrifice and Service

The Leeves family used to spend their summer in the cool of the village Castaniotisa, in North Euboea, opposite the Gulf of Salonika. The property was bought by Sophie's father. The Leeves children spent their holidays not only in simple amusements and recreations, but also in activities such as assembling children of the village for instruction, teaching, reading, writing and sewing. They prepared clothes for them from their pocket money every week given by their father for depriving themselves of sugar in tea. Sophie records, "My parents loved to show hospitality to all", she also speaks of the keen interest she showed to teach Greek grammar to the son of the village priest Pappa Sathi. This very child later became one of the assassins of her brother Henry Leeves. (Auto- bio p.6,7,8)

Deepening of Faith Formation

The Leeves children were brought up in the Anglican faith in the sentiments and doctrines of what was called the Low Church. At the seventeenth year Sophie received her first communion in England. She was confirmed in the Exeter Church by the bishop according to the Anglican rituals. While the family was in England they got acquainted with the High Church what was like later Puseyism. (Auto- bio p.9&10)

Grooming for Adulthood

While in London Sophie's mother began to acquaint her into London society which Sophie didn't enjoy much because of her ill health. However Mrs. Leeves also made her daughters join dancing as well as riding schools, to learn to ride well. Sophie writes, "This gave me much pleasure for I liked this exercise very much." (Auto- bio p.11)

Ethics and Culture

Sophie was nineteen when she returned to Athens in Greece where her father had built an Anglican church which was to be blessed. The house was always open to guests. At home she enjoyed the music. Mrs. Leeves took care to provide dresses with good taste taking care that vanity did not intrude in her children. Sophie states, "My father would not have permitted the least indecency for anything in the world." (Auto- bio p.13)

Sophie's Initial Aspiration

The occasion of the new church building brought visitors galore. Having a young girl in the house they began to speak of Sophie's marriage. Sophie was least inclined at his stage. She says, "As for me I did not listen to any of this, and did not want to listen to anything. I wept at first, saying I was too young to consider such proposals... my ideal was to become a minister's wife and apply myself to singing the offices of the church, teaching poor children and visiting and looking after the poor and the sick." MaryAnn for herself dreamed of marriage as what she called a marriage like St. Ethelreda, virgin wife of St. Edward King of England. (Auto- bio p.14)

Affectionate Bond

Mary Anne and Sophie were always united in the sweetest strong sisterly affection that they had nothing to hide from each other. Sophie says, "In our religious quest to find the truth we were perfectly in agreement." (Auto- bio p.15)

A Divine Experience

The consecration of the Anglican Church by Bishop Tomlinson, on Easter Sunday of 1840 brought extreme happiness to the family, writes Sophie. It was built by Mr. Leeves, her father the Anglican Pastor. On Easter Tuesday Sophie had an experience which made deep impression on her and she treasured this experience for years without disclosing it, for fear of losing the inner joy. Thus, she says, "It was very early in the morning; no one in the house had risen and even I was still in bed alone in my small room. Suddenly I was awakened by a sweet and clear voice that I heard with the ears of the soul as well as with those of the body. It said in English: "Peace I leave you, my peace I give unto you not as the world giveth give I unto you." She writes, "I opened my eyes and remained motionless to listen to the celestial harmony of this voice which seemed to die away in the distance." She is unable to express the effect it had on her soul. (Auto- bio p.15)

The First Fatal Blow

Mr. Leeves long desired to go on a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. He undertook the journey taking Mary Ann, his second daughter with him. Before leaving, he entrusted Mrs. Leeves, to her daughter in these words: "Sophie I entrust your mother to you, take care of her and be her consolation." They were never to see him again for he fell ill and died of a fever at Beyrouth. Sophie regretfully acknowledges, "It was the first crisis that came to strike our family so happy and so united." (Auto- bio p.16 )

Drawn to the Catholic Church

Death of their dearly loved father brought many changes. The family seemed to be broken. They felt as if the cross began to settle down on their family. They left Athens. Shortly after, Sophie was engaged to a young English navy officer. Marriage was to take place two years later. The family went to Naples, here Henry her brother was to study the art of breeding silk worms. At first they lived in Portici. Here Sophie with her siblings, several times entered the Catholic churches. Sophie reminisces, "I fell on my knees and prayed, for it is there that I began to feel that there was something in the Catholic churches that we had not in the Protestant temples. My heart seemed empty and languishing after I know not what." (Auto- bio p.17).

Spiritual Hunger

God seems to be gradually choosing Sophie for himself: In Naples Sophie fell ill, suddenly seized with strong convulsions that it was believed to be an attack of epilepsy. Mrs. Leeves immediately sent her to England for a change. She spent some time with her fiance's parents. She met her fiancé again in his parents' house. Sophie says, "He was very good and I loved him very much, but I felt nonetheless in the depths of my heart that something was lacking to me. I searched for God and it seemed to me that I had a weight which I wished to be rid of." (Auto- bio p.18 )

Desire for Repentance

Sophie learnt from her sisters about Puseyite church and the minister Mr. Richards of Margaret Chapel. She along with her sisters desired to go for confession. When her turn came she writes, "I had so much good will to confess myself and to tell all my sins, that in spite of the shame that I felt in seeing myself opposite this stranger, I gave him the story of my life and of all that my conscience reproached me with... I believe that the good God had regard for my good faith, and the humiliation that I had imposed on myself, for from that moment I felt quite changed." (Auto- bio p.18 &19 )

Life of Simplicity

Sophie adopted a life of simplicity and detachment. She had no desire to wear beautiful dresses. All three Leeves sisters began to wear the dress of the devotees of the Puseyites church which was of stark simplicity, that their mother often reproached her daughters. They found great happiness in visiting the chapel twice a day which was far enough from the house. Thereafter they visited the poor of the parish entrusted them by priest. Sophie states, "A great change had taken place in my heart. It seemed the good God had removed the affection that I bore the young officer to whom I was affianced, and had taken my heart to himself." (Auto- bio p.19 )

Drawn to Religoius Life

Sophie aspired to be a religious: "It seemed God was calling me to be a religious and I did not love any creature anymore." She had heard of the Anglican Sisters of Mercy and she wished to be one. (Auto- bio p.20 )

Determination

Sophie was persistent in her decision. Finally with the guidance of her confessor she asked her fiancé to free her from the engagement so that she may have the "liberty only to belong fully to God." Although he was distressed, he did not wish to force her to be unhappy with him. Sophie was now happy that she could join the Puseyite Sisters. (Auto- bio p.20 )

Desire for Penance

The illness of Emilie her sister compelled them to leave England and go to a better climate. Mary Ann stayed on in Dr. Pusey's house, and the rest of the family proceeded to Malta. There were no Puseyites here. And Sophie was not permitted to visit Catholic churches. She was inclined to do much penance according to her understanding. She says, "I never went near the fire". Hearing the story of a catholic priest who wore a sharp-edged cross over his chest, she wanted to imitate him. She tells, "I thought of binding a small cross on my chest in order to make a wound on it with the point, and I tried a string around my waist as tight as possible so as to make it enter the flesh... I spent a very rigorous lent taking only a cup of tea at breakfast and for dinner at one o'clock nothing but macaroni and potatoes and finally another cup of tea with a little bread. I spent the whole of lent in this manner in spite of my mother's remonstrances." (Auto- bio p.20- 21)

Total Offering to God

At the end of the Lenten period Sophie fell ill. Some attributed it to the weakness caused by the severe Lenten fast; and others tormented her for breaking the marriage and causing unhappiness to the young officer. Whatever the reason, Sophie's desire for religious life intensified. She suffered much in body and soul. Finally, to put an end to all presumptions Sophie pens: "I knelt down in front of a small Crucified and made a vow of perpetual virginity." From that day her health improved. (Auto- bio p.22)

In Search of Truth

Meanwhile Catherine got married and MaryAnn returned from England imbued with the Puseyite doctrine. She had obtained permission from Dr. Pusey to visit Catholic churches. The two sisters began to profit much from their visits to make the stations and pray. It was difficult for them to find a minster to hear their confessions. Finally they found one; unfortunately this minister had no knowledge how to administer the sacrament of penance. All this was done secretly without their mother's knowledge. (Auto- bio p.23 )

Captivating Power

Mary Ann and Sophie were happy to visit the Cathedral of Valetta. Sophie says," I did not know that the blessed Sacrament was reserved in the Catholic churches, but an irresistible power drew me towards the chapel where Jesus lived in His tabernacle, and there, I fell on my knees at the silver railing which guarded the Treasure and I wept thinking of my sins... I spent hours there not knowing why. Later I knew it was Jesus the Good Shepherd who drew towards him his poor lamb that was still outside the fold." (Auto- bio p.23)

Real Hapiness

Sophie at this time was clear and firm in her decision to be a religious. The warship was anchored in Malta; she met for the last time the young officer whom she was affianced. She told him again that her happiness depended not on anyone or anything in the world. She said, "I wished to belong wholly to God and to become a religious and I bade him my last farewell. I was completely free." (Auto- bio p.23)

Works of Charity

God was preparing everything to open the doors of the Holy Church for Mary Ann and Sophie. They once again took up their old habits of visiting the poor. Mrs. Leeves, very charitable by nature, was happy that her daughters were engaged in such activities. They joined a society of ladies that comprised Catholics and Protestants whose aim was to give clothes to the poor. Mrs. Demech, a Catholic, was its President. (Auto- bio p.24)

Grace of Conversion

Sophie and Mary Ann kept on searching for truth. On a Sunday evening in the octave of Christmas in 1849, both the sisters without the knowledge of their mother met Padre Giuliani SJ in Mrs. Demech house. The priest spoke to them on the "Real Presence in the Eucharist", a topic dear to Sophie. She records that suddenly she felt a sort of upheaval in her whole being: "it seemed to me that my heart melted, liquefied, and leaning my head on my crossed arms on the table I began to sob irresistibly... I could answer nothing and continued to sob". The good priest then placed his hand on her arm and said, "Leave the poor child alone; it is the grace of God which has touched her heart". Sophie felt that the priest alone understood what was happening to her. (Auto- bio p.25 )

Sacrament of Reconcilation

On the eve of their Baptism, Fr. Seagrave was administering the sacrament of penance to Mary Ann and Sophie. When Sophie's turn came for confession, she could not continue further. She writes, "I felt faint." The priest then joining his hands on the penitent prayed to our Lady of Dolours at the foot of the Cross and made a touching prayer: "to have pity on this poor child who desired to enter the fold and become her child, and to obtain for her the strength to conquer obstacles and to show herself a mother to her." Sophie reminisces, "While he was praying, I felt courage and strength return to me. The devil was chased out!" then she confessed without any trouble. (Auto- bio p.29 )

Daughter of the Catholic Apostolic Church

On 2nd February, 1850, on the feast of the purification of the Most Holy Virgin, in the church of the Gesu, Father Seagrave SJ, gave the conditional baptism to Mary Ann and Sophie: "If you are not baptized, I baptize you in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit... he also gave them the absolution freeing them from excommunication incurred by heresy. At that moment when the priest pronounced the words says Sophie; "I felt as if a weight was lifted from my soul. I was no longer a heretic, but a child of the Catholic, Apostolic and Roman Church." (Auto- bio p.31)

First Communion

Sophie describes her First Communion experience as 'The Good Shepherd' carrying them both- Mary Ann and she on his shoulders into his fold and putting the seal on their happiness by coming himself to dwell in them. Sophie cherishing the memory of those precious moments reiterates, "Oh my God! I had so many things to say to you that I think I said nothing. I had remained engulfed in silence but I felt that I possessed my God. I had everything, and the world was nothing to me anymore. (Auto- bio p.31)

Anchored in Faith

Sophie describes her interior joy while they were in Malta: "In spite of the domestic storms, I enjoyed a happiness which I had not known until then. My mind, and my heart were at peace. I felt that my anchor was cast on the firm rock of St. Peter. I had no shadow of doubt now." Sophie's greater joy was that after they made their retreat with Father Seagrave he permitted her daily to receive Holy Communion. (Auto bio p.34)

Lord to Thee I Offer all

Sophie desired to become a religious, yet felt the unworthiness of such a holy life. She sought advice from Father Seagrave in this matter. Sophie writes, "The good father answered me that not only could I think of it, but that I ought to think of it." This reply, "filled me with joy and from that moment all my aspirations were to become the Spouse of Jesus." (Auto bio p.34)

Solitude and Works of Mercy

Sophie and Mary Ann sometimes visited the Convent of St. Joseph of the Apparition. But she was not attracted to this religious Congregation. Sophie states, "I would rather have wished to become a sister of Mercy where there was enclosure, joined to exterior work, but there was none in Malta." They were confirmed by the Bishop of Malta. Sophie took the name Mary Sophie, and her Sister Mary Ann. A few days later they left Malta and set out for Greece. (Auto bio p.35)

Gift of Grace

In Greece, Mrs. Leeves family lived at Piraeus, close to the Catholic Church. It was served by Don Marino an excellent Syrotic priest who knew them before as the daughters of the chaplain of the English embassy. The priest was pleased to note that these two sisters filled with immense grace of God, which helped them bear the oppositions and the continual war with their mother on account of their religion. However she could not prevent them from going to church. (Auto bio p.35)

Reverence for the Blessed Sacrament

Mrs. Leeves' daughters were obliged to be present while the mother did the Bible reading, her explanation on the text she read, followed by abuses of the Church of Rome and Popes. Sophie, often horrified by her mother's attitude used to close her ears and quietly turn her attention at times to kneel down to say the rosary. Sometimes when the holy Viaticum was passing by to take to some sick person, they not daring to fall on their knees for fear that mother would make a scene, one of them would drop her thimble on the ground, or scissors or reel of thread and pretending to look for it they prostrated themselves under the table until Jesus had passed. (Auto bio p.35)

God paves the Way

Henry, their brother, who was living alone at Castaniotisa fell ill. Mrs. Leeves decided to be with her son. MaryAnn was down with fever. She couldn't take her daughters with her. So she made Sophie to request the sisters of St. Joseph of the Apparition at Syros if they could stay with them for few months paying their board like independent boarders. MaryAnn and Sophie were astonished at their mother taking such initiative. Sophie attributes this entire affair to divine providence: "Visibly it was God who compelled her... to place us in the religious house for which we had sighed so long. (Auto bio p.36)

Anguish and Pain

When all was set to go the Convent at Syros, Mrs. Leeves accompanied Sophie and Mary Ann as far as the seashore at Piraeus, where they had to take the steamer. Sophie laments, "Poor mother, my heart was wrung as we drew farther from the shore where we left her all alone." (Auto bio p.36)

Benevolence of God

The Sisters of St. Joseph received Sophie and Mary Ann with all affection and cordiality. Nine months had passed since they had been Catholics. The moment Mr. Hill left them at the convent, Sophie exceedingly happy, exclaimed, "Now we are with Catholics! I was with religious; I could practice my religion freely without that continual sort of persecution that we had to undergo in our house." (Auto bio p.37)

Ardent in Prayer

From the time they came to the Sisters of St. Joseph Sophie writes, "I devoted myself to prayer" No one had taught them any method as to how to pray and meditate Sophie's happiness was to receive communion every day and she lived on that joy. She says, "I did not even know what prayer was, or the interior life." (Auto bio p.37)

Prayer Experience

Sophie narrates of an interior experience she had at the Church of Sebastian on the feast of the Holy Innocents in 1850, a month and a half after her arrival at Syros: "I paid a visit to the Blessed Sacrament... and I begged Our Lord to make me know where He wanted me to be a religious, for that was all my ambition at the moment, when suddenly I heard this word pronounced clearly in my heart "Tomorrow." I had no knowledge of interior locutions and I was frightened, so clear and sudden was it." (Auto bio p.37)

Discernment

Sophie did not quite understand what this voice "Tomorrow" was all about. She wanted to give an account of the prayer experience to her confessor but could not, due to rain that day. She then gives an account how she went about: "I began to pray. I said the rosary begging the Blessed virgin to make know whence came that voice and what it meant, and then I heard the same voice said to me: "Tomorrow, I will tell you what I wish." (Auto bio p.37)

God's Revelation

Sophie waited eagerly that Jesus would make known his will for her. On the following day after communion, says Sophie, "It seemed to me that there was silence all within me, all my senses were recollected and the voice said to me:'I want you here' and I understood that Our Lord wanted me to be a religious of St. Joseph." Sophie had no attraction to this congregation, so with some astonishment again she sought clarity: "Lord do you wish that I remain here always?" She records, "I did not receive any direct answer to this question but it seemed to me as if Our Lord reproached me very gently for my curiosity and that I had to trust myself to him." Later she felt great desire to belong to God and become a Sister of St. Joseph. (Auto bio p.38)

Spiritual Guidance

Sophie gave a faithful account of prayer experience to her confessor who gave her the 'Life of St. Teresa and her other works. She tells the fruit of her prayer was "an insatiable desire to make penance, to suffer something for Jesus, which I had asked him with so much ardour that I almost, fell into a swoon sometimes. However I never did the smallest penance without the permission of my confessor who always moderated my demands for the discipline." (Auto bio p.38)

Religious Vocation

Sophie was filled with much fervour for God that she says, "I cared no longer for anything on earth." She continues, "All my ambition was to become a Sister of St. Joseph." Sophie wrote to her mother her intention of becoming a religious. Sophie relates how her mother responded to her letter that even on her death bed she would not wish to see Sophie in that costume and even spoke to her of maledictions" (Auto bio p.39)

Determination

Sophie increasingly desired for religious life. On 19 March 1851 Mary Ann and Sophie were admitted to Postulancy. Once again she asked from consent from the mother. She also reminded her that she could not prevent her from following her vocation since she was already 27 years old and God wanted her to be a religious and it was Him whom she ought to obey rather than her. Sophie says, "I put the whole affair to Him to reconcile and dispose of according to Him will." (Auto bio p.39)

Interior Joy

On the feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross on 14 September Sophie received the holy habit and took the name Sister Mary Veronica of the Passion. She had a special devotion to the Passion of Our Lord. She writes, "I cannot express the joy and the consolation with which I was filled this day of my taking the habit. I was in heaven rather than on earth." (Auto bio p.39)

Spiritual Gifts and Consolations

Father Faber a convert describes in his book "Growth in Holiness" chiefly of converts divine experiences. He writes that the first beginnings lasts only for a short time, the soul is overwhelmed with graces and favours like those of which one reads in the lives of saints – that this period is very short, that it passes and never returns – but that it is very real, for then one needs all these delicious dishes in order to entice the soul from the world, to launch it into the service of God and to fortify it for the second period of sufferings, aridity, dangers and sorrows which is much longer. Sister Veronica had begun to enjoy these gifts from the Lord. He strengthened her for her future mission. (Auto bio p.40)

Foretaste of the Heavenly Joy

Sister Veronica vividly describes her experience of the first few months: "I too was as if intoxicated with favours and celestial delights - I heard the music of the angels, I saw things that I would not know how to describe. Prayer was my delight. When the Blessed Sacrament was exposed I could not tear myself away from the church... on the feast of St. Peter I received an astonishing increase of faith... This happened to me several consecutive years after my conversion. I was as if drunk with faith that day." (Auto bio p.40)

Healing Ministry

Sister Veronica stayed for five years at Syra. She was then sent to Athens to make a new foundation. Here she was employed to take classes. Till that time the religious there were not given the care of the sick. Now God entrusts Sister Veronica with a new mission. As per the request of King's chief doctor, her superiors assigned her as sick - nurse to him in his dangerous illness - pneumonia. Sister Veronica recognized her special calling to the sick to whom she devoted herself day and night with an affection that God gave her and sustained in her the strength and the health to bear extreme fatigue in spite of my ordinarily weak health. (Auto bio p.41)

Spiritual Ministry

On several occasions, says Sister Veronica, the good God gave her the grace to prepare some sick people to receive the sacraments. She was mostly sent for the members of The Diplomatic Corps in Athens when they were ill to help them receive the sacraments, who would have died deprived of these blessings. (Auto bio p.41)

Nursing and Holistic Healing

Sister Veronica gives another incident of her ministry of healing with the French minister, Viscount de Serre, and his wife Princess Marie Cantacuzene, a Greek schismatic. When M. de Serre fell dangerously ill from dysentery, Sister Veronica was sent for to look after him. Until the age of 18 he had lived a devout life, but then bad company had perverted him, and for twenty years he lived without God, without any religion. He was impious. His wife was unhappy of his behavior, mocking at all holy things. He was in danger of dying. Sister Veronica says, "I watched over him every night... put round his neck a miraculous medal. One morning while I was arranging his bed, he said to me gently: Sister, I have not always been impious as you see me. Soon I am going to appear before God, and it is not like this that I wish to do so. I wish to confess myself." (Auto bio p.42)

Conversion

Sister Veronica was overwhelmed with joy. She asked M, de Serre's wife to arrange for a priest. He received all the sacraments. Mother Veronica states: "He died the death of the just. The crucifix in one hand and his wife's hand in the other, he exhorted her to leave the schism and to enter the bosom of the Catholic Church in order that they might be together again for all eternity, and five days after his death, his wife rejected the Greek schism and made her first Catholic Communion in the convent chapel." (Auto bio p.43)

Deeds of Charity

Sister Veronica's life tells us, her daughters, that nursing the sick came spontaneously to her. The following lines from her autobiography prove her loving care to the rich and poor alike. She pens, "I pass over silently many other episodes in my life as a sister of charity which would be very interesting, but too long to relate. Suffice it to say that it was my happiness to look after the sick poor and rich, and God blesses those who do so with love." (Auto bio p.43)

Struggles of Life

Initially just before and after her conversion and profession she was experiencing plenty of consolation in prayer. We listened to her saying: "Prayer was my delight." Now Sister Veronica enters what Father Faber calls it 'the second period'. Sometimes she tasted a little of that delight. Towards the year 1860, writes Sister Veronica, "I saw a cross which was going to fall on me." She was sent as superior to Piraeus with two other sisters, "There were no crosses wanting to me, for beginnings are always painful." (Auto bio p.43)

Providence of God

Although Mrs. Leeves lived in the same town as Sister Veronica did, until then she had never paid a visit to her daughter. It was Sister Veronica who went to meet her. Now that she was appointed superior of the house, her mother paid a visit to her at Piraeus. In her dire situation she experienced God's providence through the Admiral of the French Frigate which was stationed at Piraeus. Acknowledging the generosity of Admiral Baron de la Ronciere le Noury, and his wife, Sister Veronica writes: "I cannot pass over in silence all the kindness, the charity that I received for ourselves and for our orphans." He sent bread for her community daily, offered many other alms. Gradually they became her very devoted friends. (Auto bio p.44)

The Incredible Joy

In June 1860, Sister Veronica was transferred from Piraeus to Rome to their generalate house. Here she had the privilege of seeing Pope Pius IX, and receive his blessings. On June 20 and 21 the feast of St. Louis de Gonzaga, Pope's coronation day, Mother Emilie sent her to the Sistine Chapel for mass. Sister Veronica even after several years cherishes that experience: "Never will I forget the emotion, the intense joy, the immense gratitude which penetrated my soul at the sight of the well-loved Pontiff- Ruler. My God, I wept with love and could not stop... so many years I had been outside the fold, but now I had the unutterable joy of being his daughter, his child, daughter of the Holy, Catholic, Apostolic and Roman church... It is necessary to be a convert to understand them perfectly. " (Auto bio p.44)

Presented to the Pontiff

In another occasion when Pope Pius IX went to venerate the Chains of St. Peter at San Pietro in Vincoli Monsignor Talbot introduced Sister veronica to Pope. While Holy Father was departing from sacristy to where chains are kept, Monsignor Talbot took her by the arm and leading her into the middle in front of the Pontiff who was slowly going forward he said to him, "Here is an English convert!" Pius IX stopped, saying "Ah!" and she fell on her knees... She writes, "he gave me his august hand which I seized and covered with kisses; then prostrating myself I did the same to his venerable foot which I held in both hands. I no longer knew where I was, and when I came to myself, I was still on my knees in the same place. The procession had passed. (Auto bio p.45)

Blessing from the Pope Pius IX

I saw the Holy Father once more on 29 June at the Solemn Mass at St. Peters Vatican... I saw him and watched him... heard that voice, deep- tone, rich and melodious, sing the Mass at the altar... how beautiful it was! How divine! On the next day at 'St. Paul's outside the Walls' again I had the happiness of seeing the Holy Father and once more being introduced as a convert... while I was on my knees at Pope's feet in the sacristy of the Basilica he said to me: "Siate buona e santa" "Be good and holy." (Auto bio p.46)

Love for the Poor

Sister Veronica remained in Rome for almost six months. From here the superior general sent her to Tremorel, a village in Brittany. She served as Government Primary School teacher of a mixed school of the Parish. She had sixty boys and as many girls. She reminisces her experience with them in commendable words; "the purity of the customs, the simplicity and piety of these good people made the difficulty of teaching much less." She also says, "I was greatly attached to these dear good Bretons and their venerable rector or parish priest who was a true father to us. (Auto bio p.46)

Gifted with Nursing and Curative Care

In Brittany, besides teaching, Sister Veronica had to take the role of a nurse to look after all the sick of the parish and prepare medicines for them from their small pharmacy in such a way that she became almost a doctor and pharmacist to all those good people. "People thought that I had an extraordinary gift to treat them when they were ill, and God rewarded their faith and their trust by the cure of their illnesses." The cold and wet climatic condition did not suit her health. She often spit blood and felt much fatigue. She was transferred from Tremorel. (Auto bio p.46)

Fervour and Dedication

Arriving on the beach, "I prostrated myself and kissed the earth sanctified by the great Apostle of Indies", writes Mother Veronica. The one who knew a few words of English took her to a person (a mayor) who offered her watermelon and coconut juice which refreshed her a little from the suffocating heat. The same person took her back in his boat to Patimar where Father Clement and Sister were waiting impatiently. They set out for Cannanore to meet Father Marie Ephrem. Unfortunately at the port they came to know that the vessel taking Fr. Marie Ephrem just left for Mangalore that passed in front of them. (Autobiography pg.51)

Blessings of Community Life

A few days later when they arrived at Mangalore, Father Marie Ephrem was waiting for them on the shore with the small bullock cart, who took them to the convent of Sisters of St. Joseph who welcomed them affectionately. Mother Veronica says, " How happy I was to find myself again with my family." (Autobiography pg.52)

Offering

Mother Veronica decided to make a retreat under Father Marie Ephrem's guidance to prepare herself for the work God was going to entrust her at Calicut. She writes, "He ordered me to ask Our Lord for the cessation of a schism which was causing much sorrow to the missionaries and was a great scandal to the Christians." She states, " Recommending this affair to Our Lord, it seemed to me that during three nights I would have to suffer obsessions of the devil in order to obtain this grace. Father told me to offer myself for all that Our Lord wished or would permit." (Autobiography pg.52)

Mystical Grace

Mother Veronica went through three nights of struggle with the evil one, in suffering and prayer, an experience she is unable to describe; she was crushed and without strength in the morning to get up. The priest gave her the absolution that gave her the courage and the strength to fight again. Shortly after these struggles Mother Veronica narrates a special grace the Lord bestowed on her: "I was alone one day working and praying, for at that time I was very close to God, when suddenly I was drawn into a state of profound recollection and I saw the Most Blessed Virgin holding in her hand a ring which she offered to me on behalf of her divine Son. I answered her that I could not receive it without having asked permission because I had made a vow of poverty. This reply did not appear to offend her. On the contrary, she told me to ask permission and the next Friday, feast of the Seven Dolours, Jesus would come and give me this ring and make his espousals with my soul. Then everything disappeared." (Autobiography pg.53)

Mystical Experience

On the Friday following the feast of the Seven Dolours of the most holy Virgin, when at mass, soon after communion, Mother Veronica says, "I cannot relate what I saw and felt during Mass. I seemed to see Our Lord with his blessed Mother, Saint Teresa and St. Veronica. Our Lord held the ring in his hand and told me several things. Afterwards everything disappeared and I found the ring on the ring finger of my left hand... I related to Father Marie Ephrem all that had happened to me." (Autobiography pg.54)

New Foundation of Calicut

Mother Veronica prepared herself few the new mission of Calicut by taking some lessons in Malayalam from Father Marie Ephrem. A few weeks later, Bishop Michael Anthony OCD the Vicar of Mangalore who had gone to Calicut sent for Sister Veronica and Sister Marie Joseph to begin the foundation at Calicut. They were four religious and the numerous children belonging to Catholics, Protestants and Parsis, who followed catechism and came to the chapel like others. (Autobiography pg.54)

Initiation into the Thord Order of Mount Carmel

Mother Veronica once again was happy to be under the guidance of Father Marie Ephrem who was the parish priest of Calicut. At the end of her retreat on 25 March 1862 he had received her into the Third Order of Our Lady of Mount Carmel, and from that moment, says Mother Veronica, "I belonged to the Order." (Autobiography pg.54)

Joy in Service

Mother Veronica with deep satisfaction speaks of her missionary experience at Calicut: "I think that in all my life I have not tasted sweeter consolations than at Calicut. God was blessing our efforts... I loved all these dear Christians big and small as my children and they treated me as their mother. It was touching to see with what respect, with what deference they came to ask me for advice and obeyed like children. (Autobiography pg.56)

God's Calling

Mother Veronica relates of her spiritual experience. "For some time I had begun to suffer many things from the demons who, I suppose, saw that many souls were being snatched from them. At the time I often heard an interior voice which said to me: "I want you in Carmel." At first I understood nothing of this... But little by little the light seemed to enter into my heart and without knowing in any way how that ought to be accomplished, I attached myself to this thought as being the will of God." (Autobiography pg.57)

Guiding Star

Monsignor Howard, who was part of the Commission sent from Rome to settle the business of the schism, had come to Calicut to meet his friend Father Marie Ephrem. The priest advised Mother Veronica to speak to Monsignor Howard in confession of the interior voice and seek his counsel, which she did. "Since then, this excellent Prelate, having become a Cardinal, showed special interest in me and treated me with charity for which I could never be thankful enough." (Autobiography pg.58)

Carmelite Women Religious for Girl Education

The Carmelite Vicars Apostolic at Verapoly and Quilon also desired some religious for the education of the girls in their vicariates, and Father Marie Ephrem thought that if a regular Third Order Regular could be found, it would be a very useful thing for the Missions of the Carmelite Fathers. Mother Veronica notes: "But the difficulty was to detach myself from the congregation of the Sisters of St. Joseph." (Autobiography pg.58)

First Hurdle

In the meantime Mother Veronica received the transfer order from her Superior General to go to Rangoon in Burma as Superior." I set out therefore with some anguish of heart on my side and on that of all these dear Christians who accompanied me as far as the waterside to begin my journey of a thousand leagues further. (Autobiography pg.58)

God Walks the Way

In Rangoon the sisters were already engaged in a boarding school and an orphanage. Mother Veronica remained in Rangoon only a year and a half almost, for she had a very serious fall. The left foot was severely injured, and the doctors spoke of the necessity of an operation. They advised her to return to Europe as she was too weak. Towards the end of 1865 she returned to England completely shattered in health by the heat and the fatigue of taking classes. Despite all this, says Mother Veronica, "I thought always of my plan of being a Carmelite and little by little the good God prepared the way for me." (Autobiography pg.61)

God's Calling

The care given by Mrs. Leeves, to her daughter, Mother Veronica, and the rest taken, gradually restored her to good health. She was summoned by the Superior General to Rome. She met Father Marie Ephrem in Paris and discussed with him about her desire to enter Carmel. He believed in God's calling for her and the necessity of the Third Order Regular for their missions in India. Father General of the OCD also approved of the project. But "none of these fathers wanted to decide on my vocation, as prudence demanded." (Autobiography pg.62)

Dicernment

After Easter in 1866, Mother Veronica visited Monsignor Howard in Rome and met Father Marie Ephrem there. He told her that she ought to place herself under the guidance of Father de Villefort SJ, the ordinary confessor of the community of Sisters of St. Joseph. She was advised to tell Father de Villefort SJ everything, and abide by the decision he would make regarding her vocation to Carmel. Secondly, till the matter was decided, she was told not to have any connection with Father Marie Ephrem.(Autobiography pg.62)

Life of Prayer and Obedience

"I did what was ordered and above all I prayed much." says Mother Veronica during the period of testing her call to Carmel. "I gave a detailed account to Father de Villefort who for six months examined my vocation. Finally, he pronounced in favour of the Carmel. He died a fortnight later. Mother Veronica says, "In him, I lost a father, the support of my vocation, for Cardinal Barnabo and all my superiors were opposed to my entry into the Carmel." (Autobiography pg.62-63)

Pillar of Strength

In moments of uncertainties, God provided Mother Veronica with two Stalwarts. They were Monsignor Howard, who helped and gave her good advice, as well as Monsignor Talbot, the Pope's Chamberlain, who both spoke of her to the Congregation of the Bishops Regulars before whom her cause had been laid. The necessary papers were sent, but his eminence (Barnabo) did not wish to give them up. Mother Veronica writes, "When I went to him to plead my cause, to make my desires known to him, he invariably answered: 'God does not change, you are a sister of St. Joseph, stay there." (Autobiography pg.63)

God Leads the Way

Father Marie Ephrem desired to have a foundation of Carmelites of the Second Order as well as Tertiaries Regular in the Missions of India. He had spoken to Mother Elias, the Prioress of the Carmel of Pau. Mother Elias, the prioress, was happy to welcome Mother Veronica to her community to study her vocation and form her for the life of Carmel. (Autobiography pg.63)

Altered Signposts

Meanwhile, the Superior General who was on her visit from Rome to the Mother House of the Congregation, asked Mother Veronica to accompany her to Marseilles. Mother Veronica shared her anxieties to Monsignor Howard who in turn spoke to Monsignor Svegliati, the Secretary of the Congregations of the Bishops Regulars, who sent word to her to proceed without fear to France, as it would be easier for her to leave for Carmel from France than by remaining in Rome. (Autobiography pg.63-64)

Gratitude

Monsignor Howard gave her 500 Fr. For the expenses of the journey. He also gave her some breviaries and accompanied to the station. She writes, "How can O sufficiently show my gratitude to this excellent Prelate? Without his help I would never have been able to get out of the difficulties." He had much influence in Rome because of his noble family. (Autobiography pg.64)

Obstacles Galore

On Easter Saturday 1867, Mother Veronica, with the Superior General and her Second Assistant Mother Melanie, arrived in Marseilles. Sister Honorine, the novice mistress was ill and almost always in bed. Mother Veronica was told by her Superior General to meet Father Canon Olive, their community superior. He said to her, "Sister, you really wish to be a good religious and be obedient, don't you? "Yes Father,” she relied, not knowing what the matter was. "Well, sister, we want to entrust to you the care of the novitiate and to name you Mistress of the Novices." Mother Veronica writes, "I was astounded, for all my ambition was to become a novice myself and not Mistress." (Autobiography pg.65)

Rugged Path

Mother General spoke to Father Canon Olive about Mother Veronica's cause being in Rome before the Congregations of Bishops and Regulars in order to enter Carmel, and the priest replied, "this would be no obstacle. On the contrary, we would be very happy if a little of the spirit of Carmel could be inculcated into our Novitiate, that is to say, the spirit of prayer and mortification." (Autobiography pg.66)

Encounter with God's Elected Child

"What could I do, it was necessary for me to resign myself and bow my head" says Mother Veronica. On Easter Tuesday she was given the charge of the novitiate. The following day, Wednesday, writes Mother Veronica, "while entering the chapel I was stopped by a small Arab girl who said to me: "Mother I must do the washing today. Will you please give me some of the novices to help me because I am often ill on Thursdays and I would like to finish today?" (Autobiography pg.66)

Divine Inspiration

Mother Veronica related of her first encounter with Mary the Arab girl: "for a moment and in a flash an interior light made me perceive that this young girl participated in the Passion of Our Lord. I answered: 'Yes my child, go and begin and I shall send you some sisters to help you.' When I met Mother Honorine who was in bed, she asked me if I had seen Mary the Arab. 'Who is Mary the Arab?' I retorted." (Autobiography pg.67)

Prephetic Word

Mother Honorine related to Mother Veronica of an incident that took place on the day of their arrival from Rome. Mary the Arab had gone to her and said, "Mother, a sister has arrived with our Mother General, I like her very much and thou wilt see that she will be the novice mistress." "I do not think Sister Veronica will be named novice mistress". Replied Mother Honorine for she knew that Mother Veronica wanted to go to Carmel. "Thou wilt see" was her reply. (Autobiography pg.72)

Manifestation of God's Will

Mother Veronica faced many twists and turns, directions and oppositions in the process of discerning God's will for her. She says, "finally, Mother General had said to me: ‘We have put you to the proof in order to know the Will of God, but now that it is manifested, we have no more to do than to help you.' Father Olive also could not do otherwise than to approve. At least in theory." (Autobiography pg.73)

The Ardent Desire

"I prayed ardently that God manifest his will, for I still heard the same voice in the depths of my soul: 'I want you in Carmel.' I asked for light also and the necessary grace to guide this precious soul that had been entrusted to me (Mary the Arab). Oh! My God! How I felt my unworthiness before the sublime wonders that I saw taking place before my eyes and which I was called so to guide." (Autobiography pg.74)

Sufferings and Humilations - Mark of God's Gift

Mother Veronica had grown in devotion to her patroness, St. Veronica Giuliani, the stigmatist. She had read and re-read her life and understood how much her superiors had put her to the proof. She was guided by the Spirit through obedience and humiliations. That was the touchstone of God's gifts. "I saw that humiliations of all kinds had not been wanting to my little Mary and that she accepted and bore everything with virtue, proof against everything. I humiliated her therefore, always much more than the others, while keeping her near me and protecting her against those who regarded her unfavorably." (Autobiography pg.74)

Courage and Determination

Mother Veronica had always enjoyed Mother Melanie's motherly love and friendship while in Rome as in Marseilles. She loved her tenderly, and she was the only one to whom Mother Veronica had spoken of her vocation to the Carmel. She said to her, "Mother, the moment has come for me to accomplish God's will I am going to leave for Carmel." Being so stunned, she begged her to wait for the return of the Superior General. Mother Veronica writes, "My heart ached, but my courage and my resolution were unshakable." She said, 'Mother, nothing can stop me, God wishes it. He will provide for these dear children, but I must go where he calls me." (Autobiography pg.79)

Clothed as a Carmelite

On the following day of their arrival in Carmel, on the feast of the Most Holy Trinity, Mother Veronica was clothed as a Carmelite. Mary the Arab was given a new name Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified, and the black postulant's dress. She was delighted to find herself among these holy religious. Mother Veronica pens: "Mary was in her element. I was like her. All that we heard was delicious to us." ( Auto bio p.82)

Mother Elias The Novice Mistress

Mother Elias was the novice mistress of Mother Veronica. Describing her virtues she writes: "What a mother, what a mistress, was this incomparable Mother Elias!" Monsignor La Croix called her "Holy Mother Elias". She possessed not only all the virtues but also all the qualities required to make a person perfect. She had a distinguished education together with an intelligent, above the ordinary. ( Auto bio p.83)

Mother Elias - A Gifted Prioress

Mother Veronica greatly admired her prioress and novice mistress Mother Elias, and her human and spiritual gifts. She speaks of her as having even dispositions in all circumstances, gentleness, inalterable patience joined to a firmness, which did not come in the way of her kindness and maternal tenderness. She was one of those rare persons whom authority does not deteriorate, whom being in charge do not hurt, and so few of this stamp. She seemed made to govern. ( Auto bio p.83)

Mother Elias - An Inspiration

Mother Veronica while appreciating the personality of Mother Elias comments: "God had adorned her with all the gifts, and the virtues she had acquired by struggling against her lively and ardent nature, stood out". She had never seen Mother Elias lose her patience in anything, nor lose that perfect equanimity which she possessed to such an eminent degree. She was of a rare humility, but it in no way harmed the dignity of her speech and of her whole bearing. She had great discernment of spirits, a pleasant way of talking, and an enchanting smile. Her voice alone sufficed to inspire people from outside who came to speak to her. She was not only a perfect Carmelite but a perfect Prioress.(Auto bio p.83)

Mother Elias - A Caring Mother

Listen to Mother Veronica as she relates how sensitively and prudently Mother Elias dealt with sisters at the Chapter: "She knew to criticize faults and correct them without weakness, without harshness, later if she thought she had caused pain, she came in search of the sister to do her a small kindness, to speak a word to her, which restored peace to the heart and one wondered: What a Mother the good God has given ... Her memory is still alive among all those who knew her as an incomparable Mother... I did not need a Director besides Mother Elias." (Auto bio p.84)

Mother Veronica - Clothed in Carmelite Habit

A little over a fortnight after her arrival to the Carmel of Pau, on 2 July , the feast of the Visitation, Mother Veronica was given the holy habit during a simple ceremony. She records her spiritual experience: "I received great graces. I was, as it were, beside myself with joy and for several days afterwards I kept the intellectual presence of Our Lord beside me, who spoke to me and directed me in everything, as if I saw Him." St Teresa speaks of this grace as one of the greatest that a soul may receive.(Auto bio p.85)

Spiritual Blessings

Mother Veronica had experienced great spiritual graces during her first days of her entry into St. Joseph's. Now in Carmel, the Lord heaped her with spiritual delight: "Prayer was my joy. I had almost no distractions. Sweet tears flooded me. The holy office was my happiness. My attraction for penances became stronger than ever. It was like a second spiritual childhood." She confided in Mother Elias all her spiritual experiences. (Auto bio p.85)

Relishing the Vocation to Carmel

On receiving the Carmelite habit Mother Veronica experienced expressible joy. Her health began to improve; and she observed the whole rule without difficulty: "As for me I clung more and more to my holy vocation... The austerities of Carmel were a delight to me. Silence, solitude, fasts, abstinence, and vigils- all were easy to me. Still more I took delight in them. I said to Mother Elias," Mother, do you believe that I have the spirit of Carmel?" "Yes, my daughter, I believe." (Auto bio p.89)

Blend of Life - Carmel and Apostolic

Mother Veronica had been so happy doing works of charity as a Sister of St. Joseph, and now the life of Carmel had replaced it completely! She writes, "I myself was astonished at the two vocations so markedly different, and when I thought that soon I would have to uproot myself from this paradise and return to the world to work at the foundation of the Third Order, my heart was torn." (Auto bio p.89)

Cross - The Portion of Mother Veronica's Life

On the feast of our Lady of Dolours in September, Mother Veronica made her Profession in the Carmel of Pau, with all the ceremonies of the Great Carmel; when she prostrated herself in the form of a cross on the carpet in the middle of the choir, Sister Mary of Jesus crucified who was present saw a great cross which hovered over her. Mother Veronica says, "Henceforward the holy cross was to be my portion." (Auto bio p.90)

Constitutions

Mother Elias asked her to draw up the Constitutions for the new Order Regular for the missions. She writes: "I did it on the model of those of St. Teresa while modifying and curtailing what was not proper to external works. They would have to say the Little Office of the Blessed Virgin instead of Divine Office. Fasts and abstinences were also modified." (Auto bio p.90)

Obedience

It was the month of December, everything was covered with snow, Mother Elias in spite of the affection she had for Mother Veronica pressed her to leave because she feared that the former should fail in obedience she owed to Father General who desired that this foundation be made without delay. Mother Veronica says: "I begged her to permit me to spend the feast of Christmas at Pau and set out afterwards, for to leave this dear Carmel when I had scarcely tasted the happiness of this heavenly life which was my delight, pierced me to the heart. But it was necessary to obey and come back into the midst of the world and all alone." (Auto bio p.91)

In Search of a Place for New Foundation

Mother Veronica, wearing her Carmelite habit under a black skirt, a big mantle and an old hat over a long black veil left the Carmel of Pau on the 15 December 1867 alone. Her attire appeared to be that of an adventuress. Her only consolation was the Carmelite habit she wore. She writes: "My attraction, my vocation, was all for the dear Carmel, and God knows the immense sacrifice that I made while leaving it, but only for a time, for I had Mother Elias promise that when I had done the work that obedience to my superiors of the Order demanded from me, I would be again received into the Carmel of Pau. (Auto bio p.91)

Significance of the Third Order Regular

In the Carmel of Pau, Mother Veronica made a retreat before her profession; during this time she was shown a globe which was not complete. She says: "It lacked a big slice and I was told that this was the Third Order Regular which did not exist in Carmel." (Auto bio p.92)

Bishop's Refusal at Annecy

Bishop of Annecy denied the permission to begin the foundation at Annecy, but he suggested, if Mother Veronica desired, he would permit her to begin the foundation in a small town called La Roche; a distance of six hours from Annecy. She with a heavy heart went there to spend the Christmas. She recalls: "On Christmas day, as I was praying in the church which deserted and nightfall, I found myself as it were in a desert, quite barren, with a big cross set up in front of me, to which I clung as my only support." (Auto bio p.93)

Life at La Roche

In this small lonely place at La Roche, Mother Veronica lived in a rented apartment where she would be receiving some candidates. Some people in charity sent dinner cooked for her. One of them was Mme de Polinge. Here she wore the Carmelite dress, attended mass at Capuchin Fathers and observed the Carmelite rule as much as possible. She stayed there five months without being able to obtain anything for the foundation. She received no reply to her letters from Father General. She states: "My only consolation in the complete solitude in which I lived was to write to my beloved Mother Elias who encouraged and sustained me by her affection and advice." (Auto bio p.94)

Deceptions and Rejections

Mother Veronica went through many a Carmelite houses but none showed any interest in her work except Father Athanasius at Bordeaux. "I was tired of rushing about and finding deceptions everywhere... not finding any sympathy from the Fathers whom I loved so much and for whom I had sacrificed my vocation, the happiness of my life." (Auto bio p.97)

Return of the Carmel of Pau

Sad discouraged and heart broken, Mother Veronica retuned to the Carmel of Pau. She longed for welcoming faces: "I was sure of finding friendly people again." Sure enough she recounts: "It was mother Elias who comforted me and gave me all the possible recommendations for the Carmelites of Bayonne and made me leave for that town at the beginning of June 1868. I cannot express the oppression of heart that I felt in leaving once again my Carmel of Pau." (Auto bio p.99)

Bayonne - God's Choice

At Mother Elias' persistence, Mother Veronica left for Bayonne to make a final try for the foundation of the Third Order Regular. She recollects her amazing experience of going to Bayonne: "As I was approaching Bayonne, a heavy weight seemed to be lifted from me. I could not understand anything and I went straight to the Carmel where the good saintly Mother Dosithea received me with all affection possible and made the whole community assemble to receive me. I felt at home and they told me that I could have their temporary house for 500 francs per year." (Auto bio p.99)

Pace and Joy, Courage and Strength

Although the house to be rented was definitely not in a good condition, however, Mother Veronica here records her inner experience: "On entering the courtyard I felt that it was there that I had to start the work. Joy and peace filled my desolate heart and a new courage to work for the glory of God and the good of our holy Order in the missions of India, gave me the strength which for some time I had lacked totally." (Auto bio p.99)

Numerous Blessings of God

Monsignor La Croix, Bishop of Bayonne who, was well- disposed to new foundations, received Mother Veronica with a most paternal kindness. He gave her all that she could desire; the permission to establish a Third Order in the temporary house of the Carmelites, to receive candidates, to make the necessary repairs to settle a new community which would have the episcopal enclosure etc. He also gave her the permission to enter the enclosure of the Carmel of Pau while repairs were completed. Mother Elias was so happy to see her again who received her with open arms. The home coming was such a joyful experience, Mother Veronica states: "It seemed as though she could not do enough to show her affection and her charity." (Auto bio p.99-100)

Generosity of Mother Elias

Mother Veronica stayed in the Camel of Pau community for a month. Once again, we notice the generosity and concern of Mother Elias; she prepared all that she could give away from the sacristy, from the hermitages etc. for the new foundation at Bayonne. Two postulants from Nimes whom Mother Veronica met earlier were to arrive on the eve of the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel; she left Pau for Bayonne to receive them. (Auto bio p.104)

Foundation Day

The Carmelite community of Bayonne received Mother Veronica with the greatest cordiality. One of the first two Postulants who arrived on 14 July, 1868, was Sister Agnes. The three of them took possession of their new house after the High Mass at Carmel on the feast of our Lady of Mount Carmel. Monsignor La Croix appointed Abbe‘ Inchauspe, as the superior and confessor of their little community. Mother Veronica pens: "Abbe' Inchauspe' has been a real father. His charity, his devotion to us and to the work entrusted to my care, was without limit." (Auto bio p.105)

The Blessed Sacrament

At Bayonne it was the very old house made new for them to live. When the repairs for the chapel were completed, in that charming chapel, Monsignor La Croix placed the Blessed Sacrament there and demarcated the episcopal cloister in the little convent. This was the greatest happiness of Mother Veronica (Auto bio p.106)

Life of Perfection

The General Father Dominic of the Carmelites paid a visit to them on 1 September, 1868. Mother Veronica gave a detailed account of all events of the Third Order and he revised with her the Constitutions that she had drafted. He approved them and was interested in everything. He with most paternal goodness visited the entire convent, blessed the first five novices and postulants there. He spoke to them and recommended to them aspire to strive after perfection, they who are the foundation stones of an edifice. (Auto bio p.109)

AC's in Indian Soil

The first batch of Sisters who came to India was six Sisters from the Carmel of Pau. Three sisters of the Apostolic Carmel along with Fathers Lazare and Gratian left Pau on the 19th of August 1870. And on 5 November of the same year Mother Elias died at Calicut in the convent of the Sisters of St. Joseph, in the same house which Mother Veronica had founded about nine years before. Some months later two more Sisters of the Apostolic Carmel, Sister Agnes of Jesus and Sister Cecile of Infant Jesus joined the Mangalore community (Auto bio p.116)

Joyful Community

In Mangalore, Monsignor Marie Ephrem nominated Mother Agnes Prioress of the little community. Father Lazare was their Superior. They began to teach in school, there was peace and union among them. Mother Veronica says, "I was quite consoled to hear even from Monsignor that he was very happy with my children. (Auto bio p.116)

Disharmony

Unfortunately that peaceful harmonious life did not last long. The amalgamation of the Sisters of St. Joseph with the Third Order (AC) by Monsignor Marie Ephrem, created chaos and confusion. He made them only change their habit and then without a novitiate, without forming them to the life and the spirit of Carmel, to which Mother Veronica's daughters were used to, he gave them authority over them, and even made these sisters supervise Mother Agnes and her religious. The poor Third Order sapped to its foundations. (Auto bio p.117)

The First Blow at the AC Sapling

Mother Agnes the Prioress unable to animate in such bizarre situation represented her difficulties to Monsignor. She wrote a letter dictated by Father Lazare that in those unusual circumstances the Third Order Regular could not exist. She tendered her resignation. Monsignor not only accepted it immediately but also nominated Sister Marie Des Anges as Prioress. Soon after he sent Mother Agnes back to France and relieved Father Lazare of his duties of Vicar General and sent him to Mahe. (Auto bio p.117)

31 May, 2023

It was the envious nature of the novice mistress, Sister of the Infant Jesus caused the deportation of Sister Mary of Jesus, back to France, in the pretext that she was guided by the Spirit of Satan. They treated her in the most undeserved manner, and the cruel. They influenced Monsignor Marie Ephrem against her and were sent back ignominiously to Pau in the company of Sister Marie Alphonse and Sister Cecile. Before her departure Mary of Jesus Crucified predicted the death of Bishop Marie Ephrem. Before six months had passed, on Maundy Thursday, Monsignor died in Mangalore almost suddenly and alone (Auto bio p.119)

Benevolence

Madame Gil Moreno de Mora who had lost her husband, came to spend some time at Bayonne because of the ill health of her son Pedro. Here she came to know about Mother Veronica and a very poor little community by the side of the Carmel. She donated 25 Francs as her first gift. Mother Veronica says, "I shall never forget the impression made on me by this lady in great mourning." (Auto bio. p121.)

Friendship

Describing Madame Gil Moreno de Mora, Mother Veronica writes, "She was perfectly distinguished, and could not speak without melting into tears - so much was she overcome with grief at all the loses she had suffered recently. From the first interview a friendship started between our two hearts which God alone brings to birth and which never ceases. She told me her sorrows and I wept with her." (Auto bio. p121.)

Bounteousness

Madame Gil Moreno de Mora was a pious lady. Charity was her predominant virtue. Mother Veronica notes: Madam Gil gave and always gave, that was her happiness, and in giving it was always she who was obliged and not those who received her bounty. Mother Veronica writes that this dear lady never came to see me without leaving some alms, which was at least 25 francs. (Auto bio. p121.)

Benefactress

Madame Gil perceived that the Little Carmel had nothing, not even little room for fresh air. Their garden was only 10 meters wide. Adjacent to their convent there was a big and beautiful field which belonged to the Carmel that was rented out to a farmer. She was hard-pressed for money then. However, one day she came to Mother Veronica with some of her jewelry boxes, containing a magnificent crucifix and diamond rings. She sold them in order to buy the field and build the wall of the enclosure. (Auto bio. p121.)

Love and Care

The next concern of Madame Gil was to build a hermitage in honour of the Sacred Heart, a dainty little Gothic chapel with stained glass windows. She also erected a beautiful statue of the Sacred Heart in a niche above the altar. They planted many fruit trees and vines in the new field. Vegetables were grown in abundance. Madame Gil, sensing the scarcity of water, got a well dug for irrigation. (Auto bio. p122.)

Boundless Love

Madame Gil Moreno de Mora perceiving the poverty of the Little Carmel extended her help to furnish the sacristy and equip it with several chasubles embroidered by her hands and a beautiful cope, with a silver clasp embroidered by her. She supplied beautiful bouquets for the altar and finally to Mother Veronica a voyage to England which she was obliged to make to see her aged mother who died soon after. In Mother Veronica's absence she bought a cow and installed it in a little stable at the corner of the new property. She wanted to give her this pleasant surprise on her return. (Auto bio. p123.)

Impasse

After the return of Mother Agnes and Cecil to Bayonne, the affairs of the Third Order were going on badly. Sister Mary Joseph died in Cannanore. Sister Elias was at Cannanore, under obedience to a Sister of St. Joseph who was dressed up in AC habit without a novitiate. Sister Elias suffered unspeakably. Mother Marie des Anges remained in Mangalore, the only European. Monsignor Marie Ephrem was dead. Mother Veronica writes: "I was firmly resolved not to send any more subjects to that mission where my poor children suffered so cruelly. (Auto bio. p123.)

Absence of Joy and Grace

Mother Veronica relates to us the state of affairs of her little community at Bayonne. She felt her happy community failed to radiate the same grace of the first years. There wasn't that union, that gaiety in their poverty, that cordial affection and that charity which reigned formerly no more existed. "I must say to my great regret I treated my poor children very harshly which estranged them from me, at least some of them." (Auto bio. p126.)

All was Swept off

Mary of Jesus Crucified had made someone write to Mother Veronica "that all would be swept off." Her words came true. The dissolution of the poor little Apostolic Carmel took place in October 1873. The situation worsened day by day. They had no resources except what Madame Gil gave them. The community was reduced to eight. It was finally decided that when Mother Veronica would dispose of her daughters, she could return to the Carmel of Pau not to leave again. (Auto bio. p128.)

The End of Little Carmel

The last days in Bayonne were agonizing for Mother Veronica and her daughters who were left to her. She disposed of them as best as she could. One joined the Ursulines at Pau, another went to the Carmel of Bayonne, others returned to their families. Sister Cecile went with her to the Carmel of Pau but could not keep to the rule. She was ill, and later she also returned to her family. (Auto bio. p128.)

Amidst the Black Clouds - A Ray of Light

Let us have a final look at the scenario at the Little Carmel at Bayonne. We feel with our Foundress her devastating sorrow, pain and dejection. I quote her agonizingly painful words: At Bayonne everybody turned against me. The Carmelites who had been always so charitable towards our little community turned against us, as well as Abbe' Inchauspe', who did not want to do anything with us anymore. Abbe' Manaudas the confessor advised me to finish up as best I could. Monsignor La Croix was of the same opinion. Our Only friend who remained faithful in all these vexations was Madame Gil. Oh No! Never will I be able to express all that I owe this saintly charitable lady. (Auto bio. p128.)

A Faithful Friend

Madam Gil gave quite a considerable sum of money when Mother Veronica left for Carmel of Pau. She sent the packers to spare the fatigue and the sorrow of Mother Veronica, took charge of all the expenditure to shift things that could be taken to Pau; and personally supervised the workers and paid the railway freight. Mother Veronica says, "I was broken in body and soul." (Auto bio. p128.)

Deaths Knell of Little Carmel

The final and the most heartbreaking act to perform was the last Mass and consume the sacred species, writes Mother Veronica. We take note of Madame Gil's support to the finish. She came with her son Pedro, His tutor (Priest) to celebrate the last Eucharist; it was offered in the novitiate served by Pedro. After which the little convent remained empty. Mother Veronica declares: "Jesus was not there anymore and I could not remain there any longer." (Auto bio. p129.)

Empathy with Desolate Heart

That same evening Madame Gil took to her house, Mother Veronica and three other sisters left with her. Others were already disposed. She could not say good bye to anyone not even to Monsignor nor to Abbe' Manaudas as they were at the major Seminary attending a priest's retreat. She was filled with gratitude to Madame Gil for her tenderness and delicate charity in these heart- breaking moments. (Auto bio. p129.)

Anguish of Heart

The foundress was obliged to take away the holy habit from her daughters. Monsignor La Croix had relieved them from their vows. The Foundress laments: "I could see this community which had cost me so much, being destroyed. Those who were leaving were desolate. My heart suffered so much that it seemed to become insensate. One had to have a very special grace not to succumb under it, and God gave that grace to me." (Auto bio. p129.)

Closure of the Foundation House

It was 10 October 1873, an unforgettable day to the ACs, one of the saddest days marked in the annals of the Apostolic Carmel. As Mary of Jesus Crucified predicted now, "All was swept off." Mother Veronica lived in the foundation house a little over five years. She and the three Sisters spend the night with Madame Gil in Bayonne, and the following morning they left by train to Pau. Mother Veronica re-entered for good, her dear Carmel of Pau. (Auto bio. p130.)

Second Noviciate at Carmel of Pau

Mother Veronica was already 50 years old when she re-entered to begin her second novitiate under a very different condition than from the first time. The Prioress Mother Marie of the Immaculate Conception received her with open arms, and the community showered affection and sympathy to console her in her sufferings and the heartbreak which she had borne in the last days at Bayonne. Her health steadily improved. She observed all the austerities of Carmel. She expresses inner happiness: "My soul flew to the perfection prescribed by our Holy Rule without my feeling the least weight." (Auto bio. p131.)

Mother Veronica - Renamed

On Mother Veronica's return to Pau, her beloved Carmel, Mary of Jesus Crucified showed her every sign of affection. One day while she was in ecstasy she sent for Mother Veronica and reveled God's will for her. While in rapture said to Mother, "The Lord wishes that you be called Sister Marie Therese of Jesus and no more Veronica of the Passion... Be always very little, very little for there is always place for little ones." (Auto bio. p131.)

Broken Down in Health

After few days of her arrival at Pau, in a quiet ceremony Mother Veronica was given the white veil. She continued to wear the Carmelite habit given to her on 2nd July 1868. She was completely ruined of health at Bayonne She had contracted rheumatism, which affected her right side; she could not bend her right knee without feeling intolerable shooting pains. She had difficulty in kneeling down. She was received in the Carmel as benefactress because she was incapable of keeping the rule. (Auto bio. p132.)

Obedience to the Will of God

From childhood Mother Veronica was accustomed to take a cup of tea in the English way which she loved, especially when she was suffering and disgusted with nourishment. A cup of tea revived her. The prioress Mother Marie exempted her from abstinence and permitted her in this practice. Some days later, Sister Mary of Jesus crucified avoided Mother Veronica and did not wish to speak to her. When she asked for the reason, Sister Mary said to her "Our Lord said to me that you should not have tea anymore and I avoided you because I did not want to tell it to you. You are ill, and I feared that it would give you pain to deprive you of tea." Mother Veronica responded: "... Jesus will give me the grace to take anything else and I promise you that I will never have it again." (Auto bio. p133.)

Poverty and Detachment

Mother Veronica writes that many times Sister Mary of Jesus had knowledge of what Mother did and said, and even of what she thought, through lights which could only be supernatural. She relates of an incident which Mother Veronica had spoken to her novice mistress and no one had any knowledge of it. "One day during recreation she got into ecstasy and said many delightful things. After recreation she withdrew herself and made a sign to mother Veronica to follow her to her cell with their prioress and there she told me that I should not think of disposing of what I had brought, for all belonged to God and not to me, and that I should remain in complete indifference and poverty. (Auto bio. p133.)

Proposal for New Foundation at Bethlehem

Since Mother Veronica's return to Pau, there was always talk of the foundation of a Carmel of Bethlehem where Sister Mary of Jesus had already predicted she would die. Mother Veronica was chosen to be one of the pioneers with Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified. At the request of Mother Veronica, initially Madame Gil donated 12000 francs with which Mother Marie paid the necessary travelling expenses of I'Abbe' Bordachar to Rome to see to the affairs of the foundation and give some amount to Propaganda that would help to get the Sacred Congregation interested in favour of Carmel. Madam Gil was the first benefactress of the Carmel of Bethlehem for Mlle Dartigaux had not yet given anything for this work. (Auto bio. p137)

Blessings

At the end of the second year Mother Veronica was admitted to profession by omitting the words "Without mitigation" in the formula of vows. She asked for a favour from St. Teresa, if she wanted her as her daughter, to be able to kneel down make her profession, this favour was granted to her. She made her solemn profession on 21 November 1874 in the hands of Mother Marie of the Immaculate Conception. "After the ceremony I went up to the choir... near the little communion grill I could remain on my knees without trouble for a long time before the Blessed Sacrament exposed. I was filled with graces and joy." (Auto bio. p137- 138)

Death of Mrs. Leeves

Mother Veronica received the news of her ailing mother of eighty years from Catherine. A protestant sister of Mercy looked after her. On 12 December 1874, a little before 5 o'clock in the evening Mother Veronica went to the cell of her Mistress of Novices to speak of the illness of her mother. Sister Mary of Jesus happened to arrive there. She said to Mother Veronica, "Your Mother is dead, but her faith saved her." Mother Veronica says, "I recommend my poor mother to God and I felt an interior assurance that she was in purgatory. Two days later I received a letter from Catherine telling me that my mother had died on 12 December, a little before 5 o'clock in the evening.." (Auto bio. p 138)

Inheritance

Mrs. Leeves had made a will before her death. When it was opened, they found that she had left nothing to Sophie and Mary Ann except, that she could not prevent them from having, what they had inherited from their father, a sum of nearly 40,000 francs. But the wealth that belonged to her, she had left for her niece Miss Maria Haultain, after the death of their sister Catherine. Mother Veronica handed over this amount to Mother Marie. Mother Veronica's desire was that this amount could be used to build the church of the Carmel of Bethlehem to make some reparation. (Auto bio. p 138)

The Pioeering Band of Bethlehem

Pius the IX had approved of the foundation at Bethlehem. Mother Anne was to be the Prioress. Father I’Bordachar, Father Estrate, a young priest of the sacred heart of Betharram, and Mlle Dartigaux the foundress were to accompany the ten Carmelites up to Bethlehem in order to help them settle down. Mlle Dartigaux had an unlimited confidence in Father Estrate. Sister Mary of Jesus having the knowledge of their friendship feared their frequent conversations in the sacristy might cause others to speak of them. She wrote to Mll Dartigaux that she should speak to Father Estrate in private only once a week and for one hour only. With great difficulty Mll Dartigaux submitted to this prudent advice. (Auto bio. p 142-43)

Foundation of the Carmel of Bethlehem

On 20th August 1875 the little band of Carmelites left from Pau to Bethlehem. On their way they met Father Lazare at Montpellier. It was the first time they met after his ignominious return from India; that was a crying injustice says Mother Veronica. He had the expression of sadness on his face but now at least he was perfectly reinstated in the community and in the Order. This good Father was elected Prior of Montpellier. He was very happy to see Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified... (Auto bio. p 144)

The Holy Land

At Marseilles they visited the Sisters of St. Joseph at "La Capelette." They met Mother Emily, General of the congregation. The sisters showed great affection and charity as they had done on every occasion says Mother Veronica. In Alexandria Sister Mary of Jesus and some sisters went on land and she showed them the place where the Holy Virgin had hidden her after her martyrdom. When they reached the holy land, their emotion was deep and their hearts were full of gratitude and joy. (Auto bio. p 146-47)

In Company with Jesus

As they were approaching Jerusalem, they were moved with emotions; their hearts beat and eyes got wet with tears at the thought of vising the church of the Holy Sepulcher. "It seems to me that my soul remained there. Never will I be able to express the emotions that overpowered me when prostrating in these places, watered by the precious Blood of Jesus... what touched me to the depth of my soul was the word "Hic" ( here) which was found in the prayer of each station, Calvary, the place when they took him down from the cross etc... At each station we kissed the ground. There were emotions which are incapable of expressing that overflowed from my heart my soul, and made tears flow from my eyes." (Auto bio. p 149-50)

Way to Bethlehem

The pioneering group spent four days in the Holy Land from Tuesday evening to Saturday. Father Bordachar was in a hurry to return to France so that he had rather a hurried visit although they would have loved to spend more time. On Saturday afternoon on 11 September, they left Jerusalem with regret, to go to Bethlehem accompanied by Father Guido. It was about an hour and a half's distance on foot from Jerusalem to Bethlehem. All went on foot except Mother Veronica. She along with Father Bordachar went on a carriage as her knees did not permit. On their way all of them visited the Grotto of the Nativity. Here as in the Holy Sepulchre, all is invaded by the Geeks and Armenians. The place where Jesus was born was marked by a silver star inlaid in the pavement with the Latin inscription, "Hic de Maria Virgini Jesus Christus natus est." (Auto bio. p 154)

Stay at the Franciscans

The founding team stayed on 15 days in the hospice of the Franciscan Fathers at the Holy Crib. Sister infant Jesus and Mary of Jesus Crucified went along with I'Abbe' Bordachar to look for the place where their future convent was to be built and to prepare the temporary house. At last the temporary house was ready. The patriarch of Jerusalem came to see the overall arrangement and demarcate the enclosure of the little Monastery in which they were to live until the Carmel was built. (Auto bio. p 154)

Carmel of Bethlehem

On 24 September, feast of our Lady of Mercy, the installation ceremony took place. All of us assembled at the crib. Abbe' Bordachar in a touching address in which he entrusted us to the paternal solicitude of Monsignor the Patriarch. The Holy Mass was offered and Blessed Sacrament was reserved, the Patriarch demarcated the enclosure and everybody withdrew and remained in their solitude. (Auto bio. p 156)

Site of the New Monastery

Mary of Jesus had said that she would die at Bethlehem, before the end of three years of her arrival in the Holy Land. Later we see her words come true. She had seen in ecstasy the place where the future Carmel would be built. It was situated on the slope of a hill on the western side of Bethlehem, opposite the Crib, separated from a deep ravine. The sight is magnificent and healthy for, in spite of the great heat in summer, there was always breeze on our hill which made it bearable. (Auto bio. p 157)

Inspiration of Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified

6. The plot for the new convent building was bought in an almost miraculous manner. However there wasn't any plan – neither of the monastery, nor an architect to direct the work. Father Matthew, the Cure' of Bethlehem, a Polish Franciscan was put in charge by his superiors to supervise the workers. But he wasn't ready to construct the building without a plan done by an architect. Mother Anne and others thought that an architect, who is a stranger, would not let himself be guided by the inspirations of Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified to whom Our Lord had shown the shape and the lay-out of this monastery while she was in ecstasy. (Auto bio. p 158)

Description of the Monastery

One can imagine without a blue print how difficult it would be to build a mighty structure. Naturally, Father Cure' expressed his annoyance and dismay to supervise the work. it was difficult for him to direct the workers. Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified spoke of making a little cardboard model of the future monastery as she had seen it, and Mother Veronica agreed to do it, provided she would explain her well, how Our Lord wanted it. They set to work as Mary of Jesus described; the monastery to be circular; only the working rooms to be on the ground floor and the dormitory to be on the first floor. It should have 22 cells and a room for the foundress. The windows of cells should be opening on the outside and the door of each cell should open into the dormitory that should have open arches as well as the cloister beneath. (Auto bio. p 158)

Giftedness

We are aware that God blessed Mother Veronica with many qualities of heart and mind. Here we have another evidence of her potentialities. She notes: "I used my skill in the best possible way and I built a little round monastery in Cardboard according to Mary of Jesus' directions, dividing off each room, according to the needs of the regular workrooms of a Carmel." This gave an idea of what she had seen in her ecstasy but neither the size nor the breadth nor the height nor the thickness of the walls was mentioned. (Auto bio. p 158)

Obedience in Perplexing Situation

In spite of all her efforts, Mother Veronica was quite aware that the drawing model of the monastery on cardboard was not at all an architectural plan. It was difficult for Father Cure to give directions to the workers. Finding no way out, Mother Ann and Mary of Jesus Crucified asked Mother Veronica to draw up a plan. Mother Veronica had no knowledge of architecture nor had she seen to the supervision of any building work. That was quite a bizarre idea. She was a lay person in this field. To this request she exclaimed: "But I have never done that! I am not an architect and I do not know how to go about it." She had not been to the site nor seen the undulating plot. Finally, she responded, "I will try." (Auto bio. p 158- 59)

Gift of Understanding

Mother Veronica shouldered an important responsibility with absolutely no knowledge. From where did she find this insight and knowledge to fulfil this assignment? We listen to her words: "At communion I asked very earnestly for the gift of understanding and the grace to do by obedience what I could not do otherwise then I set to work with a big sheet of paper and my compass box. I heard the number 30, told me interiorly, and I understood that it was meant to be the size of the diameter of the tower." (Auto bio. p 159)

God works through Us

"Obedience is my life" says Mother Veronica elsewhere. We have an added example of her prompt obedience to the authority, perceiving as the will of God. She states: I was very embarrassed having no idea of architecture, but God helped me and I drew a plan with my metric scale." The Father Cure' found that with this plan he could undertake the building of the monastery. But in that circle, there were neither the choir nor the parlours nor the chapel nor the infirmary. All these were planned by Our Lord who wanted them to be entirely separate so that total silence could reign in the monastery. She comments again, "No man could boast of having been the architect of that monastery." (Auto bio. p 159)

Protection of God

The foundation work of the monastery was in progress. The inner courtyard was paved, and right round it stood twelve pillars joined by arches which supported twelve other pillars of the dormitory above. Everything was open to the air. Others advised them that when the weather was bad the sisters would suffer a lot and that it should close the space between the arches with glass. But Mary of Jesus Crucified insisted that she had seen the monastery quite open, that Our Lord would look after the health of the sisters, and in truth it was so. (Auto bio. p 159)

Blessing of God

All was not over. The site for the chapel choir and other requirements had to be completely separate from the tower. The altar had to be over a grotto where the Blessed Virgin with the infant Jesus and Joseph had stopped during the flight into Egypt. There was a steep decent on the plot and it was difficult to decide the place for the chapel and the parlour. Once again Mother Veronica was asked to draw up the plan for the rest of the monastery. Finally Mother Anne took Mother Veronica to the site of the plot; the plan of the rest of the monastery was drawn up. Mother Anne and Sister Mary of Jesus crucified and all others were satisfied, it was decided to build accordingly. (Auto bio. p 160)

Laying Foundation Stone at Bethlehem

During the Lent of 1876 the stigmata of Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified reopened. She bled on every Friday. On one Friday, on the feast of the Five Wounds of Our Lord, which fell that year on 24 March, Monsignor, the Patriarch laid the foundation stone of the monastery. Five Sisters witnessed the event and others saw through the windows. On this day he spent some time with Sister Mary of Crucified who was in bed because of the illness of stigmata. Later that day others saw her in ecstasy. (Auto bio. p 160)

Humility

When in ecstasy Mary of Jesus said many extraordinary things. Sisters often watched her; after she came back from her ecstasies, they quickly left the place except one from whom she did not hide herself in order not to give her pain. She could not bear that others see her stigmata bleeding, nor that they witness her ecstasies. She called them "sleep" and she always said that she had slept. Usually she did not know at all nor did she remember what she had said and done. (Auto bio. p 161)

Celestial Delights

It often happened to Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified that after she received Communion she went into ecstatic states and remained in them for the greater part of the day, and continued to do a number of things, walk about in the monastery or garden, always in ecstasy, sing of love, say the most charming things and then towards evening sometimes she returned to the infirmary or to her cell. It often happened to her that these ecstasies seized her on feast days. (Auto bio. p 161)

The Fruit of Sweetness

On Good Friday of the same year, 1876, for the last time the stigmata bled. She lay as one dying and towards three o'clock, she stretched herself as on the cross, her feet crossed one over the other. Her face became pale as a corpse and she seemed to breathe her last sigh. Father Cure' remained near her to comfort and help her while the community sang the Tenebrae office in the choir. During the day Mother Veronica remained alone with her and then suddenly she saw something white like half an almond which she was eating. When she asked her to give something of it, she gave it saying, "It is the fruit of sweetness. Mother Veronica says, "I ate this fruit with devotion and happiness for surely it was nothing from this world. A delightful aromatic perfume exhaled from her stigmata." (Auto bio. p 162)

Gift of Grace

The stigmata of Mary of Jesus Crucified closed after that Holy week 1876. In their temporary house sisters witnessed many marvels. A smooth and white skin always remained on her hands and feet. For some days she put on little linen mittens to hide her hands, but later as the scar was much lighter she did not want them. During one of the Easter days, she was seated in ecstasy, near one of the windows from where she looked at the starry heavens. Then she received a ring on her finger of the right hand. She said many ravishing things on this occasion and kissed her ring saying, "There are only hundred persons who have received a similar grace!" (Auto bio. p 163)

Gift of Knowledge

Many a time Mary of Jesus with Mother Anne and other sisters visited the site of the new monastery. She discovered by supernatural light that some of the supervisors and master workers stole material and cheated in their accounts and wanted to get rid of them, but in that country sisters had not much of a choice and had to accept the situation. At the same time, they kept a close watch on the person who paid the workers and the stones that they brought on the camels from the quarry. Sometimes they were stolen at night before the plot was enclosed. (Auto bio. p 163)

Unlimited Devotedness to Duty

The good Father Cure' devoted himself totally for the construction work by supervising workers, buying the material, fighting with the Muslims, the Greeks, Schematics and also the Catholics, his own parishioners. He spent his time, his sweat and his patience, for many times, Sister of Jesus Crucified and he did not agree. Often, she had knowledge by supernatural means of things which the Father could not perceive and then he wondered if a little ignorant religious could be better informed than he. That was natural for he did not know her. Then they reasoned out, argued a little and made peace for Father Cure' had an unlimited devotedness for this work. (Auto bio. p 164)

Adherence to the chosen way of Life

Mother Veronica who always relished silence and solitude was concerned of the irregularities' that were creeping into their monastery. She notes: "I could never understand how Mother Anne became so relaxed regarding the enclosure and silence because formerly, she had been a religious who was excessively scrupulous as regards all that concerned the rule and the old usages and customs. Several of us suffered from this state of affairs and I was one of them. (Auto bio. p 165)

Charity in Community

The community faced difficulties in maintaining the regularity of monastic life while the completion of the monastery work was on. However Mother Veronica remarks: "I must nevertheless say that charity reigned among us always. We loved each other tenderly and in spite of certain little vexations, our community was very united. As long as our dear Sister of Jesus crucified lived, charity was always preserved. This dear child loved her sisters very much. She loved us with true affection and did not spare those whom she found wanting, but tried to correct them. (Auto bio. p 165)

Blessings of Seclusion

The new monastery was blessed on 21, November 1876, by the Patriarch. After the celebration of the Mass, the community solemnly entered into their seclusion. Mother Veronica expresses her joy: "The solitude and the silence of our dear cells seemed to me to be a real luxury, after having lived, as it were in public, for more than a year, in the temporary house. To me it seemed I was in paradise." (Auto bio. p 169)

Vow of Humilty

Mother Veronica had read the life of Father Clement Cathary, a Jesuit, who died in the odour of sanctity. He had made the rare vow of humility and had observed it until his death. It made a deep impression on her. She felt urged to practise that virtue which she says was quite contrary to her character, to her Protestant education, and to her whole being. She pens, "For a long time I had tried to combat pride in me, ever since the beginning of my conversion, but I think I made very little progress in the virtue of humility." (Auto bio. p 169-70)

Practise of the Vow of Humilty

Mother Veronica reminisces: "It seemed to me that Our Lord told me to make this vow, and on several occasions, I heard the same thing. I feared that I would not be able to observe it and I spoke of it to Father Guido who permitted me after some time to make this vow, but only for some days, eight days for example, from one confession to the other. I think that has helped me. At least I had the good will of working with all my heart to acquire that virtue which is contrary to my nature." (Auto bio. p 170)

God's Favour

To acquire virtues, one needs to practise them consistently. Mother Veronica says, "Our Lord seemed to have taken charge of sending me enough humiliations until I was ground in such a way as to be a grain of dust under the feet of all. And still more, He gave me the grace of being able to thank Him for them with all my soul." (Auto bio. p 170)

Fraternal Charity

Mother Veronica fondly speaks of the bond of affection that existed between the two communities of Pau and Bethlehem. She writes: "As long as Mary of Jesus lived, our relations with our cradle, the Pau, were the most cordial and the most affectionate. The two communities wrote to each other, and the greatest fraternal charity reigned between the two which were of one heart and one soul. In the community of Bethlehem also I can say in all truth that as long as that dear child was among us there reigned great charity and union of hearts. There were often some little vexations, as everywhere, but charity, the queen of virtues, reigned supreme." (Auto bio. p 172)

Test of the Virtue of Humilty

Mother Veronica speaks of her pure affection for Mary of Jesus. She states: "I loved her in God and not by nature. I saw that she had received gifts and extra ordinary graces and that it was all the more necessary that she remained in humility and nothingness, and I saw throughout her life that when God gave her the most marvellous graces, it was then that creatures or the demons had permission to torment and humiliate her. And on the contrary, when creatures exalted her, God plunged her into desolation and ineffable annihilation. (Auto bio. p 173)

Shaping to Perfection

Mother Veronica was aware that Mary of Jesus had imperfections and she had to be all the more humble when God had given her special graces. Mother Veronica loved dearly sister Mary of Jesus. She writes, "When she was persecuted and ill-treated, I supported her and protected her with all my strength, but when I saw her exalted, I feared for her and I never lent a hand in exalting her, at least in her presence. On the contrary I thwarted her. However, she has always loved me and I am convinced that she saw in what manner I stood by her and had her perfection very much at heart. (Auto bio. p 173)

Shaping to Perfection

Mother Veronica was aware that Mary of Jesus had imperfections and she had to be all the more humble when God had given her special graces. Mother Veronica loved dearly sister Mary of Jesus. She writes, "When she was persecuted and ill-treated, I supported her and protected her with all my strength, but when I saw her exalted, I feared for her and I never lent a hand in exalting her, at least in her presence. On the contrary I thwarted her. However, she has always loved me and I am convinced that she saw in what manner I stood by her and had her perfection very much at heart. (Auto bio. p 173)

Purified in Furnace

Mary of Jesus crucified though little educated was held in high esteem by Mll Dartigaux, the foundress. She gave her full authority. Nothing could be done without her agreement. She was absolute mistress and could do what she pleased her. Mother Veronica says that God himself took charge of keeping her in humility and annihilation. She was exalted by creatures even above her status but in return she suffered desolation, interior trails, so severe and so atrocious, that often she could bear no more. In this her intense sufferings she devoted herself to do the hardest work, went with the workers to supervise the work, tried to do good to them, to do some service to them, spoke kindly to them. She told them the truth when she perceived that they stole or deceived, which was not uncommon. (Auto bio. p 173)

Community Centred Life

To Mother Veronica, Mary of Jesus was always the cherished child of her heart. She says, in all her trial "This dear child was the charm of our recreations. She seemed to forget herself and put herself aside in order to give joy to her sisters... She was never occupied with herself nor with her person." (Auto bio. p 174)

Truthfullness

I was too proud to lie, but I was disobedient and proud to the point of not being able nor willing to ask pardon of my mother even when I had done something foolish. (Auto bio p.3.)

Holiness

My father, although a protestant, was a man of great virtue; if he had received the grace of being a Catholic, he would have been a saint. I have never seen him do or say anything that could be called a sin. ( Auto bio p.3)

Humility

He prayed everyday with his family and alone in his room. Sometimes we used to go and look through the key hole and we saw and heard him pray aloud on his knees with joined hands – and what is very rare among Protestants - he had a depth of humility which astonished me. ( Auto bio p.3)

Nobility

I always saw him a good father, a good husband, good to his servants, excessively charitable to the poor, as my mother also was - practicing conscientiously his religion. (Auto bio p.3)

Charity

My father never failed in charity, even towards people whom he had overwhelmed with kindness and who paid him with ingratitude, he did not want to talk against these persons. My father was amiable, gay and of the best society, and showed in his conversation a spirit so fine and so pleasant that no one could help loving and respecting him. ( Auto bio p.4)

Knowledge

My teacher, Miss Thornton, returned to England, and my sister Mary Ann and I continued our education with my brother under the guidance of his teacher for two years. I was then ten years old. Some teachers came to give my sister MaryAnn and me French and Music lessons. (Auto bio p.4)

Lover of Music

We learned French, German, Italian later instrumental and vocal music, drawing etc. music was a passion in our family. My father, mother, my brother, my sisters, we were all passionately fond of music. My father wanted good, solid music, in the best taste, religious music of Handel, Haydn, and Beethoven etc. Whole mornings were spent in practicing and evenings in singing. ( Auto bio p.6)

Education

A well informed young man named Mr. Wenger was engaged as a tutor who stayed five years and taught my brother sister Mary Anne and me. We never went to school or to a boarding-house, for my mother never wanted to be separated from her daughters. So when the good Lord claimed them for His service she could not decide to give them to Him.( Auto bio p.5-6)

Ground in Scripture

My father wished that we should learn old Greek with our tutor and every morning my brother, my sister Mary Ann and I went to my father to read a part of the Greek New Testament and translate it into English; and my father explained to us. The grace of being able to read the holy Gospels in their original language was one of the greatest helps to my conversion to Catholicism. ( Auto bio p.6)

Travels

Every summer after Easter, we went to spend few months at our property in North of Euboea opposite the Gulf of Salonika, in a village called Castaniotisa. We travelled on horseback for Castaniotisa - a few days' journey away from Athens and we formed a real caravan for there were no carriage roads, nor carriages except in Athens and its Vicinity. Sometimes we went by sea in a sail-boat gong round the island of Euboea. ( Auto bio p.7)

Service and Leisure

Our occupations during our sojourn in the country were to bring together all the children of our village and give instruction to them. Each one of us had her small group. We taught them to read, to write, to sew etc., and afterwards we mounted our horses and rode into the wood and the forests of oak which climbed upwards behind the house, or else we went to pay a visit to some neighbouring landowners. Sometimes we received their visits in return, and my parents loved to show hospitality to all ( Auto bio p.7-8)

Service and Leisure

We saw a great deal of society at home and it was then that I began to be vain. We had a fairly big evening party, and my mother liked to see us dressed in white muslin. I came out of the room and I passed in front of my mirror throwing a look into it. I became animated and excited and I said to myself: "But I am not so ugly as I always thought I was – It seems to me that I am pretty!" and lo! Venom entered my heart. I was then 16 years old. I was however very innocent of evil for my mother had brought us up with great care. ( Auto bio p.9)

Upbringing

Novels did not exist in our house, at least nothing dangerous. My father was careful that no improper book fell into our hands and I never heard any conversation however frivolous. My mother was very charitable to the poor, she accustomed us to work for them and there was one evening each week when all the ladies of our acquaintance met together in our house to sew garments for the poor. ( Auto bio p.9-10)

Mortification

Each one of us had adopted a small poor girl for whom we made clothes, and in order to procure for ourselves a little money we deprived ourselves of sugar in our tea, and then my father gave us a small white coin each week that we set aside and bought some cloth to clothe our protégés. Never was it permitted to us to spend our small savings on sweets or on similar things. (Auto bio p.10)

Religiosity

My father and my mother had brought us in the sentiments and doctrines of the Low Church, but now we made the acquaintance of some relatives who followed the High Church which later turned towards Puseyiem and we were enthused especially about the services as they are sung in the Anglican Cathedrals. ( Auto bio p.11)

Developing Skills

My mother made us to go to a dancing school and also to a riding school in order to learn to ride well, which gave me much pleasure for I liked exercise very much. (Auto bio p.11)

Modesty

I was 19 years old, my sister MaryAnn 17. We had a lot of music at home, and our house was always open. Our dress without being affected was always in good taste, for my mother always liked her daughters to be well dressed and vanity did not fail to intrude. My father would not have permitted the least indecency for anything in the world. (Auto bio p.14)

Dedication

My ideal was to become a minister's wife and apply myself to singing the offices of the church, teaching poor children and visiting and looking after the poor and the sick. (Auto bio p.14)

Gift of Peace

On Easter Tuesday of 1840, it was very early in the morning; no one in the house had yet risen, suddenly I was awakened by a sweet and clear voice that I heard with the ears of the soul as well as with those of the body. It was in English: "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you not as the world giveth give I unto you." I opened my eyes and remained motionless to listen to the celestial harmony of this voice which seemed to die away in the distance. I cannot express the effect that it had in my soul. I never knew what it was. It seemed to me like a voice which came from heaven. (Auto bio p.15)

Responsibility

My father had desired for a long time to pay a visit to the Holy Land. He seemed to have a presentiment that he would not return, for he made his will. While embracing me for the last time on the deck of the steamer which was about to take him away, my dearly loved father said to me: "Sophie, I entrust your mother to you, take care of her and be her consolation." I was not to see him again in the world. (Auto bio p.16)

Surrender to Gods Will

The fatal news arrived of my father's death at Beyrouth. It was the first crisis that came to strike our family so happy and so united. He fell ill with fever and erysipelas at Mount Carmel. His dying words were: "I would have desired to live some more years for my wife and children, but God's will be done." My father's death was like the Cross which began to settle down on our family. (Auto bio p.16-17)

Attraction to Catholic Churches

Shortly after the death of my father we left Athens. We did not live there anymore. A young English officer of the navy asked for me in marriage and my mother consented, I was affianced. Marriage was to take place only after two years. The Family went to Naples and lived first at Portici and several times I entered the Catholic churches with my brother and sisters. I fell on my knees and prayed, for it is there that I began to feel that there was something in the Catholic churches that we had not in the Protestant temples. (Auto bio p.16-17)

Betrothal

In England I spent some time with my fiancé’s parents. I had seen my fiancé again in his parents’ house and he had left to rejoin his ship in the Mediterranean. He was very good and I loved him very much, but I felt nonetheless in the depths of my heart that something was lacking to me. (Auto bio p.17)

Repentance

I searched for God and it seemed to me that I had a weight which I wished to be rid of. I heard of confession and, on arriving in London, two of my sisters introduced me to the Puseyite minister of "Margaret Chapel". They told me this minster Mr. Richards heard confessions. I had so much good will to confess myself and to tell all my sins, that in spite of the shame that I felt in seeing myself opposite this stranger, I gave him the story of my whole life and all that my conscience reproached me with. (Auto bio p.18-19)

Detachment

I believed that the good God had regard for my good faith, and the humiliation that I had imposed on myself, for from that moment I felt quite changed. In order to live a wholly pious and devoted life, I no longer wanted to wear my beautiful dresses nor any jewels all of which I gave to this "Margaret Chapel", Our whole happiness was to go twice a day to this chapel which was far enough from our house, and afterwards visit the sick that our Father entrusted to us in the parish. A great change had taken place in my heart (Auto bio p.19)

Call to Religious Life

It seemed that the good God removed the affection that I bore the young officer to whom I was affianced and that God was calling me to be a religious and I did not love any creature anymore. I wished to be an Anglican religious of Sisters of Mercy. I desired my liberty only to belong fully to God.(Auto bio p.19- 20)

Destiny paves the Way

In consultation with my confessor I wrote to my fiancé who was in Malta to free me from my engagement. Although this distressed him he did not wish to force me to be unhappy with him. As for me I was quite happy that I could now join those Puseyite sisters. (Auto bio p.20)

Fast and Penance

My sister Emily fell ill, my mother decided to leave for Malta. Here in Malta, there were no Puseyites at all. I began to do much penance. It is about this time that I spent a very rigorous Lent. I spent the whole of Lent rigorously in spite of my mother’s remonstrances. I fell ill during the Easter week. This fainting was attributed to the weakness caused by my Lenten fast. (Auto bio p.20)

Offering

I always had the desire to become a religious, but there was no means of succeeding. They tormented me to think again of the marriage which I had broken off. Finally I was determined to put an end to it and one day I knelt down in front of a small Crucifix and I made a vow of perpetual virginity. From that day my health improved. (Auto bio p.22)

Devotion and Perseverence

MaryAnn returned from England imbued with the Puseyite doctrines than before. She had obtained permission to go into the Catholic churches and we profited from it to make the stations and to pray. We wanted to find some minister who would be willing to hear our confessions imbued with this doctrine. Finally we succeeded someone among the strangers. I think that this honest man had never confessed anyone, for he was embarrassed and ashamed more than I was. It was necessary to do everything without the knowledge of my mother and brother. (Auto bio p.23)

Service to the Poor

Mrs. Leeves, herself a charitable person was very glad that in Malta her daughters were occupied in charitable works as earlier they had been engaged themselves in charitable works of visiting the poor. She permitted Sophie and MaryAnn to join s society of ladies in which there were some Catholics and some Protestants. The purpose was to give clothes to the poor; Sophie and Maryann were given the responsibility to visit the deserving families, for they did not give anything without being assured about the condition of poverty of the persons. The President of this society was a Spanish lady called Mrs. Demech. (Auto bio p.24)

A Divine Encounter

On one Sunday evening – in the octave of Christmas 1849, in Mrs. Demech's house Sophie and Mary Ann met a Jesuit priest who had come to say good bye to her before leaving for Rome. The two sisters expressed their delight to meet him. Padre Giuliani, an Italian Jesuit spoke to them about the Real Presence of Our Lord in the Eucharist. Sophie writes: I listened eagerly, for it was a subject very dear to me. Suddenly I felt a sort of upheaval in my whole being - it seemed to me that my heart had melted, liquefied, and leaning my head on my crossed arms on the table I began to sob irresistible... good Father placing his hand on my arm said: "Leave the poor child alone it is the grace of God which has touched her heart." (Auto bio p.24- 26)

Seeking the Truth

Father Giuliani directed Sophie and Mary Ann to speak to Father Seagrave his Superior and Rector of the Jesuit College that he could help them to keep alive the spark that God had put in their hearts. Sophie writes: We promised him to pray and to seek the truth… Since that memorable day we had no peace until the full truth had penetrated into our hearts. But how necessary it was to suffer anguish in our quests... we begged the Revered Father Seagrave to see us in order to instruct us on the Catholic doctrines. (Auto bio p.26)

Agony of Conversion

Sophie and Mary Ann were terribly afraid of their mother in taking this first step of joining the Catholic Church. In this their struggle says Sophie: Father Seagrave instructed us, consoled us and restored our courage, but as for me , when I thought of the terrible step that I was going to take into the unknown, it seemed to me like being in the agony of death. Chaos was going to intrude between me and all that I held dear in this world. I was going to leave the known, to plunge myself into the unknown. My mind was convinced, but my heart was broken. My God what anguish! It is necessary to have passed through it to understand it. (Auto bio p.27)

Discernment

Sophie Leeves who passed through the anguish of conversion to Catholicism says: When the soul has passed through the tortures of conversion, God can indeed make it endure all other anguishes. However I said to my sister that I wanted to consult someone on our side on the question, to see if, for instance, the English Bishop would not give us some enlightenment. We therefore went to see Tomlinson... I related to him in great secrecy... that we had the intention of interring the Catholic Church not finding the truth in the Anglican Church etc... He tried to turn us away from our project, but his reasons were hardly convincing and we left him as we had come. (Auto bio p.27)

Crucial Decision

The flame of faith steadily and strongly blazed in the heart. Sophie and MaryAnn could no longer keep secret and intensions to leave Protestantism. They decided to take the decisive step and then to make it known to the mother. They spoke to Father Seagrave who fixed their conditional baptism and First Communion the same day. It was on 2 February, 1850, the feast of the Purification of the Most Holy Virgin, for the ever memorable day. (Auto bio p.28)

Sacrament of Reconciliation

The Leeves Sisters made their confession in the chapel of the Confraternity of good Death. Sophie writes: I had written my whole confession, but in spite of my good intension to make a full confession, a moment came when I no longer felt the strength to continue any more. I sank down on the prie- dieu and I could not say a word more. I put my two hands on the knees of the Father who was seated near and I said to him: "I cannot continue anymore." I felt faint. Then this father... joining his hands on mine addressed Our Lady of Dolours at the foot of the cross and conjured her in a touching prayer "to have pity on this poor child who desired to enter the fold and become her child... While he was praying I felt courage and strength returned to me. The devil was chased out! I put myself on my knees and finished my confession without any trouble. . (Auto bio p.29)

Initiation into the Catholic Church

Sophie and Mary Ann Leeves were baptized into the Catholic Church on 2 February, 1850, on the feast of the Purification. Thereafter they were absolved and freed from the excommunication. Sophie writes: At the moment when the Father pronounced the words: "Absolvo te a vincula excommunicationis in quem occuristi propter," I felt as if a weight was lifted from my soul. I was no longer a heretic, but a child of the Catholic, Apostolic and Roman Church. (Auto bio p.31)

The First Communion Experience

Sophie recounts the experience of their first communion as indescribable: Jesus, He whom we had desired and sought so long, came to take possession of the hearts of his two poor lambs. The Good Shepherd had at last brought us on his shoulders into his fold and now he put the seal on our happiness by coming himself to dwell in us. She writes: Oh my God! I had so many things to say to Him that I think I said nothing. I remained engulfed in silence but I felt that I possessed my God. I had everything. The whole world was nothing to me. (Auto bio p.31)

Cost of Discipleship

It soon came to be known in Malta that the two Leeves daughters had entered the Catholic Church. Sophie speaks of the rejection they experienced in the family and in the Anglican society: Everyone cast stones at us and we were excluded from all society. My mother, like all mothers, was proud of her children, she found pleasure in taking us out into the society rather for our sake than for her own, and from the moment that society was as it were against us, she wished to leave Malta for she did not want to go out alone. (Auto bio p.34)

Happiness

Sophie and Mary Ann had face enormous fierce domestic storm having embraced the bosom of the Catholic Church. In spite it all Sophie recounts the spiritual delights: I enjoyed a happiness which I had not known until then. My mind, my heart were at peace. I felt that my anchor was cast on the firm rock of St. Peter. I had no shadow of doubt now. (Auto bio p.34)

Drawn to Religious Life

Sophie always desired to become a religious. Now this longing kept deepening. She also felt her unworthiness of living such a holy life. She discerned with the spiritual Father if he considered it permissible for her to enter religious life. This is how the priest responded that she not only could think of it, but that she ought to think of it. Sophie says: This reply filled me with joy and from that moment all my aspirations were to become the Spouse of Jesus. (Auto bio p.34)

Divine Intervention

Now the Leeves family was living at Piraeus in Greece and Henry Leeves the brother of Sophie Leeves was in Castaniotisa where he fell ill. At the same time Mary Ann too was suffering from fever. Since she could not take them to Castaniotisa, Mrs Leeves decided to leave her two daughters Sophie and MaryAnn at the convent of the Sisters of St. Joseph of the Apparition at Syros for few months as paying boarders. Sophie notes: My sister and I were in the utmost astonishment at seeing my mother herself take all the initiative in this business. Visibly it was God who compelled her, in spite of herself, to place us in a religious house for which we had sighed so long. (Auto bio p.36)

Liberty to Practise the Faith

Sophie and MaryAnn had been Catholics for nine months. Living in the Protestant environment was a continual torture for them. They arrived at the convent in Syros on 13 November, 1850, feast of St. Stanislaus Kostka. Sophie greatly happy with the situation exclaimed with a sigh of relief: Now we are Catholics!" I was with religious; I could practice my religion freely without that continual sort of persecution that we had to undergo in our house. (Auto bio p.37)

Hunger for Prayer

Sophie says: From the date of my entry into this convent of the sisters of St. Joseph I devoted myself to prayer. I was trying much to pray and to meditate before, but I did not know how to set about it. No one taught me. I received communion every day and lived on this happiness, but I did not even know what prayer was, nor the interior life. (Auto bio p.37)

Prayer for Dicernment

A month and half had passed after their arrival at Syros. One day on the feast of the Holy Innocents, 1850, she visited the nearby St. Sebastian church opposite the convent. Placing herself before the Blessed Sacrament, she made her deepest prayer: I begged Our Lord to make me know where He wanted me to be a religious, for that was all my ambition at the moment, when suddenly I heard this word pronounced clearly in my heart "Tomorrow". I had no knowledge of interior locutions and I was frightened, so clear and sudden was it. (Auto bio p.37)

Discerning the Will of God

Sophie continued in prayer to discern the will of God: I said the rosary begging the Blessed Virgin to make me know whence came that voice what it meant, and then I heard the same voice which said to me: " Tomorrow I will tell you what I wish." I was consoled and reassured and I waited for the next day with assurance that Jesus was to let me know at Communion what he wished of me. (Auto bio p.37-38)

God Reveals His Will

Sophie recalls and relives how on the following morrow after communion Jesus manifests his will for her: In fact after receiving communion it seemed to me that there was silence all within me, all my senses were recollected and the voice said to me: "I want you here", and I understood that Our Lord wanted me to be a religious of St. Joseph.(Auto bio p.38)

Surrender to God's Design

Initially Sophie Leeves was not attracted to this congregation. However she trusts and accepts God's plan for her: I felt a great desire to belong totally to God and to become a Sister of St. Joseph. I related everything to my confessor who gave me to read, in Italian, the Life of St. Teresa written by herself and her other works. All this was new to me, and I devoured rather than read these books. (Auto bio p.38)

Experience of God's Love and Presence

The study and reflection on St. Teresa's writings further enlightened Sophie the working of God within the soul and she submitted to God: I knew then that God could speak to the soul and work still other wonders when he wished, and during these first months of my life in the convent it seemed as if Our Lord was pleased to teach me by experience what I read of the prayer of St. Teresa, making me pass through several of those states that I certainly could not obtain myself. (Auto bio p.38)

Spiritual Direction

By now Sophie was habituated to seek guidance in matters of her spiritual life. She says: I gave a very faithful account to my confessor of all that was taking place in me and the fruit of my prayer was an insatiable desire to make penance, to suffer something for Jesus, which I asked him with so much ardour that I almost fell into a swoon sometimes. However I never did the smallest penance without the permission of my confessor who always moderated my demands for the discipline. (Auto bio p.38)

Inflamed by God's Love

God had taken possession of her soul: I cared no longer for anything on earth. I wished to die with so much ardour in order to see God that my confessor forbade me to think of death. Now all my desire was to become a Sister of St. Joseph and I wrote to my mother to tell her my intensions and my desires. She replied to me from Athens where she was, that never would she consent to my becoming a religious, and that even on her death-bed she would not wish to see me in that costume and even spoke to me of maledictions. (Auto bio p.39)

Leaving by Inner Convictions

No obstacles were big enough for Sophie in following the path marked out for her by her beloved Lord. She says: All this only increased my ardour and my urgency with my superiors to receive the holy habit. On 19 March 1851 my sister and I had been admitted to begin our Postulancy. I therefore wrote again to my mother telling her that she could not prevent me from following my vocation since I was 27 years old and that God wanted me to be a religious, and as it was Him whom I ought to obey rather than her, I put the whole affair to Him to reconcile and dispose of according to His will. (Auto bio p.39)

Vestation

Sophie Leeves received the holy habit on 14 September 1851 on the feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross and she took the name of Sister Mary Veronica. Her special devotion was the Passion of Our Lord on which she nourished herself without intermission. She was inspired by the life of St. Veronica Giuliani, the Capuchin Stigmatist. She writes: I cannot express the joy and the consolation with which I was filled on this day of my taking the habit. I was in heaven rather than on earth. (Auto bio p.39)

Prayer - A Savouring Experience

After Sophie was clothed in religious habit for the first few months, God gifted her soul with perfect peace and continual union with him. This is how she defines her God experience: During some months only I too was as if intoxicated with favours and celestial delights- I heard the music of the angels, I saw things I would not know how to describe; prayer was my delight. When the Blessed Sacrament was exposed I could not tear myself away from the church. I noticed above all that on the feast of St. Peter I received an astonishing increase of faith. I seemed to see and touch all that the Church teaches and not only to believe. This happened to me several consecutive years after my conversion. I was as if drunk with faith that day. (Auto bio p.40)

Love and Interest for Teaching

After Sophie received her habit (novice) she was sent school to teach first the boarders and then she was named headmistress of the free school, which gave her infinite pleasure; she notes for the children were all Catholics and poor. She lived in the convent of Syra for five years then she was sent to Athens to make a new foundation. In Athens, she writes: I was always employed to take classes for; in Greece religious had never yet looked after the sick. (Auto bio p.39-40)

Aptitude for Nursing the Sick

So far in Greece religious were not engaged in care of the sick. At Athens at the request of the King's chief doctor who was known to Sophie as a child requested her superiors to give a sister to care for him in his very dangerous illness- pneumonia. She was chosen as sick- nurse. Sister Veronica says: From that time dates became my special vocation: I devoted myself day and night with affection that God gave me and that He sustained in me by giving me the strength and health to bear extreme fatigue in spite of my ordinary weak health. (Auto bio p.40-41)

Spiritual Ministry for the Sick

While in Athens she got several occasions to care for the sick. Sister Veronica says that God gave her the grace to be able to make some sick people to receive the sacraments, who would have died deprived of the helps provided by our religion: It was mostly among the members of the Diplomatic Corps I was sent for when someone fell ill. She cites the example of the French minister, Viscount de Serre; who fell ill. In his youthful he had lived an impious life; during his last illness Sister Veronica was given charge to nurse him. She watched over him every night, took care of his spiritual needs. Finally by her kind devoted service and earnest prayers and efforts she had the joy to see him receiving all the last sacrament with admirable piety, contrition for his past sins and died the death of a just holding the crucifix in his hands. (Auto bio p.42-43)

Spiritual Ministry for the Sick

While in Athens she got several occasions to care for the sick. Sister Veronica says that God gave her the grace to be able to make some sick people to receive the sacraments, who would have died deprived of the helps provided by our religion: It was mostly among the members of the Diplomatic Corps I was sent for when someone fell ill. She cites the example of the French minister, Viscount de Serre; who fell ill. In his youthful he had lived an impious life; during his last illness Sister Veronica was given charge to nurse him. She watched over him every night, took care of his spiritual needs. Finally by her kind devoted service and earnest prayers and efforts she had the joy to see him receiving all the last sacrament with admirable piety, contrition for his past sins and died the death of a just holding the crucifix in his hands. (Auto bio p.42-43)

ove and Devotion to the Sick

M. de Serre, the Viscountess de Serre also shunned by Greek schism made her first Catholic communion in their convent chapel. There were several instances where Sister Veronica had rendered service to the sick and ailing. She writes, "I pass over silently many other episodes in my life as a sister of charity which would be very interesting, but too long to relate. Suffice it to say that it was my happiness to look after the sick poor and rich and God blesses those who do so with love. (Auto bio p.43)

Intesne Joy of belonging to the Catholic Church

In June 1860, Sister Veronica was transferred to Rome. Since her baptism she relished her experience of being a daughter of the Holy Catholic and Apostolic Roman Church. Here she had the rare joy of meeting the Pius IX and to receive his blessings. It was Popes' coronation anniversary day, June 21 the feast of St. Louis de Gonzaga. She attended the mass in the Sistine Chapel where Pope was present. She recollects her memory: "Never will I forget the emotion, the intense joy, the immense gratitude which penetrated my soul at the sight of the well- loved Pontiff – Ruler. My God I wept with love and could not stop." (Autobio p.44)

Indescribable Joy of Belonging to the Catholic Church

Sister Veronica always cherished God's gratuitous gift of bringing her into the fold of the Catholic Church. Having seen the Pontiff she writes: Now I had the unutterable joy of being his daughter, his child, daughter of the holy, catholic, apostolic and Roman Church. Pius IX was my beloved Father and the Church was my Mother! Who can describe the delights, the exquisite joy of these tears of blissful gratitude? It is necessary to be a convert to understand them perfectly. (Auto bio p.44)

Personal Encounter with Pope Pius IX

Sister Veronica was overwhelmed with inexpressible joy to see the Pope in white vestments, which distinguished him from other that she wept with happiness. On another occasion she saw Pope at San Pietro in Vincoli Church, Monsignor Talbot, the English Prelate from Vatican, who she knew well, perceived her heartfelt desire to meet the Pope, lead her by her arm and leading her into the middle in front of the Sovereign Pontiff, who was moving slowly said to him: "Here is an English convert!" Pius IX stopped saying "Ah!" and "I fell on my knees whilst His father... gave me his august hand which I seized and covered with my kisses; then prostrating myself I did the same to his venerable foot which I held in both hands." (Autobio p.45)

A Call to Holiness

On 29th June 1960, for a third time, Sister Veronica had the privilege of meeting the Pontiff. Monsignor Talbot who enjoyed seeing her happiness, once again introduced her as a convert. She says: "I was almost ecstatic, and of hearing these words falling from his august lips while I was on my knees at his feet in the sacristy of the Basilica: "Siate buona e santa" "Be good and holy." (Autobio p.46)

Respect and Love for the Poor

Sister Veronica had a short stay of almost six months in Rome, and then her Superior general sent her on transfer to Tremorel, a village in Brittany. Here she served as a Government Primary School teacher of the mixed school of the Parish. She comments: "The purity of the customs, the simplicity and piety of these good people made the difficulty of teaching much less, and I was greatly attached to these dear good Bretons. (Auto bio p.46)

Voyage to India

Sister Veronica's stay at Tremorel lasted for a year. Once again obedience called her to go to India. At the end of 1861, Sister Marie Joseph, Sister Veronica and Fr. Clement left Europe. Before leaving Rome Monsignor Howard had given her a book written by Father Marie Ephrem entitled: "From Rome through the Holy Land to India". She writes, "I read it during the voyage with immense interest and I was quite prepared to find him the father of my soul which our Mother General had promised me in order to guide in this country." (Auto bio p.50)

Passion for Indian Mission

The valiant personality of Sister Veronica is strikingly depicted when she first set her foot on Indian soil. She relates: "As for me, I was not afraid of anything at that time. I was full of zeal to begin my work among these peoples whom St. Francis Xavier had evangelized… arriving on the beach, I turned aside one step in order to prostrate myself and kiss the earth sanctified by the great Apostle of the Indies. (Auto bio p.51)

Beginning of The Mission

On her arrival to Mangalore/ India, Sister Veronica made a retreat in preparation for her new the mission at Calicut. Fr. Marie Ephrem who guided the retreat asked her at the very start to do everything for an immediate pressing need of the Indian church. She states: "He ordered me to ask Our Lord for the cession of a schism which was causing much sorrow to the Missionaries and was a great scandal to the Christians." It was about some Portuguese priests of Goa who were in opposition to the Vicars Apostolic. They drew away a part of the Christians of Malabar and formed a separate church, which was nothing but a schism that was not submissive to Rome. She promised to offer her all for this cause. (Auto bio p.52)

Abandonment to the Lord

Mother Veronica commended this serious and disturbing disquiet in the Church to the Lord in prayer. This is how she relates to us her experience: "It seemed to me that He told me that during three nights I would have to suffer obsessions of the devil in order to obtain this grace. I gave this reply to the Father who told me to offer myself for all that Our Lord wished or would permit. That same evening as night was falling, I began to see and to hear what I had never seen or heard, above all when I was in bed. I was surrounded as it were by demons who had the power to do what they wanted with my body, only my will was free to resist and to detest all that they said and did. I spent these three nights in struggle, in praying, in suffering what I could not describe. I gave an exact account to the Father who sustained me and encouraged me while giving me absolution for I was crushed and without strength in the morning when I wished to get up. The Absolution gave me the courage and the strength to fight again." (Auto bio p.52-53)

A Spiritual Experience

11. Shortly after the above struggles, during that retreat, Sister Veronica relates another spiritual experience which she does not understand it for herself. She says that perhaps it comes only from my imagination. She thus describes: "I was alone one day working and praying, for that time I was very close to God, when suddenly I was drawn into a state of profound recollection and I saw the Most Blessed Virgin holding in her hand a ring which she offered to me on behalf of her divine Son. I answered her that I could not receive it without having asked permission because I had made a vow of poverty. This reply did not offend her. On the contrary, she told me to ask permission and on the next Friday, feast of the Seven Dolours, Jesus would come and give me this ring and make his espousals with my soul. Then everything disappeared. (Auto bio p.53)

A Vision of Espousal

Sister Veronica relates another mystical her experience to Fr. Marie Ephrem her spiritual guide. It occurred on the Friday following the feast of the Seven Dolours of the most holy Virgin in 1862. She had always a special devotion to our Lady of Dolours. She recounts: "Father Marie Ephrem said the morning mass as usual at which I received communion. I cannot relate what I saw and felt during this Mass. It seemed to see Our Lord with his blessed Mother, Saint Teresa and St. Veronica. Our Lord held the ring in his hand and told me several things. Afterwards everything disappeared, and I found the ring on the ring finger of my left hand. There was a white stone and a red stone and on one of them was marked a cross. They held on a circle of gold." (Auto bio p.53)

Life of Silence Solitude

Mother Veronica truly found her vocation to cloistered life. "As for me, I clung more and more to my holy vocation. My health had quite come back to normal. The austerities of Carmel were a delight to me. Silence, solitude, fasts abstinence, vigils- all were easy to me. Still more I took delight in them. I said to Mother Elias, "Mother, do you believe that I have the spirit of Carmel?" "Yes, my daughter, I believe." (Auto bio p.89)

Joy in Mission

Father Marie Ephrem appointed parish priest of Calicut. Mother Veronica was pleased to be under his guidance. She was very happy with the mission. She writes: "I think that in all my life I have not tasted sweeter consolations than at Calicut. God was blessing our efforts. Good was being accomplished in a marvelous manner. I loved these children big and small as their mother. It was touching to see with what respect, with what deference they came to ask me for advice and obeyed like children." (Auto bio p.56)

God's Chosen One

Mother Veronica was experiencing much joy in the accomplishment of the mission given to her both in giving good education and faith formation. At this juncture she had also begun to suffer many things from demons. She says: "I suppose that many souls were being snatched from them." It was during this period she writes: "I often heard an inner voice which said to me, "I want you in Carmel." At first I understood nothing of this and I felt a repugnance to leave a congregation which I loved, in which I was loved, and where I was doing some good, to launch myself into the uncertainty that I did not know." (Auto bio p.57)

Will of God

When God calls people to accomplish his mission he also sends rays of light in moments of ambiguity. In her process of discernment says Mother Veronica: "Little by little the light seemed to enter into my heart and without knowing in any way how that ought to be accomplished, I attached to this thought as being the will of God." At this point of seeking the will of God, providence brought into her life the presence of Monsignor Howard who had come to India to settle the work of schism. He also visited Calicut to meet Father Marie Ephrem. The latter directed her to seek guidance in confession from Monsignor Howard. Cherishing his fond memories, Mother Veronica recounts: "From that moment this excellent prelate, having since become Cardinal, showed a special interest in me and treated me with a charity which I could never be thankful enough." (Auto bio p.58)

God prepares the Way

Meanwhile Mother Veronica was transferred to Rangoon. She stayed there for almost a year and a half. Many a obstacles came on her way in responding to the Call of God. However the Lord in mysterious ways seemed to roll away each of the difficulties. She had a fall; the injured left foot needed operation. The medical facilities in Rangoon were unsatisfactory. Her health was not in good state. Mrs. Leeves, her mother offered to get her treated in England. Thus at the end of 1865, she returns to London. She says: "My health was completely shattered by the heat and fatigue of taking classes. I thought always of my plan of being a Carmelite and little by little the good God prepared the way for me. My health had been restored by care and rest." (Auto bio p.61)

Dream Actualizes

Mother Veronica entered Carmel of Pau with Mary the Arab on Saturday, 15 June 1867, in the evening at three o’clock, while the Carmelites were chanting the first Vespers of the Holy Trinity. She was warmly welcomed by Mother Elias the prioress along with two other sisters. She writes: "I was in Camel at last... the Paradise on earth for which I had sighed so long." (Auto bio p.81-82)

Spiritual Blessings

On 2nd July 1867, on the feast of Visitation Mother Veronica received the holy habit during a ceremony without outward pomp. But she says, "I received great graces. I was, as it were, beside myself with joy and for several days afterwards I kept the intellectual presence of Our Lord beside me, who spoke to me and directed me in everything, as if I saw Him. Our Mother, St. Teresa, speaks of this grace as one of the greatest that soul may receive… Our Lord heaped me with delight. Prayer was my joy. I had almost no distraction. Sweet tears flooded me. The Holy Office was my happiness. My attraction for penances became stronger than ever. It was like a second spiritual childhood." (Auto bio p.85)

Vocation Confirmed

In the Carmel of Pau, Mother Elias became the Novice Mistress of Mother Veronica with whom she was completely open and transparent. She cherished her life in Carmel. Earlier due to her delicate health she was ordered neither to fast nor to abstain from meat. She had a feeling of repugnance for meat. But now in Carmel she writes, "My health grew stronger, after I received the habit and I was able to observe the whole rule without difficulty; fast, abstinence, remaining on my knees like the others etc. Finally, Our Lord gave me all the proofs of the reality of my vocation." (Auto bio p.85)

God's Favoured Ones

Mother Veronica and Sister Mary of Jesus both savored their life in Carmel. She says. "I was happy, more than happy. It seemed to me I was in Paradise. If I were sure of my vocation, the dear child whom I had brought with me was even more so." Sister Mary of Jesus longed to be clothed with attire of Carmel. She had great devotion to St. Elias. On the octave of St. Elias 27July, she was given the Carmelite habit. The sisters in the Carmel recognized her as a favoured soul with great graces. (Auto bio p.85& 87)

Blend of Contemplative and Apostolic Life

Wherever Mother Veronica was placed by her congregation, I could see her whole hearted commitment to the given mission. Now she relishes life of Camel. She narrates her experience: "I had been so happy doing works of charity as a Sister of St. Joseph! And now the life of Carmel had replaced it completely. I myself was astonished at the two vocations so markedly different, and when I thought that soon I would have to uproot myself from this paradise and return to the world to work at the foundation of the Third Order, my heart was torn." (Auto bio p.89)

The Holy Cross - My Portion

Father Dominic of St. Joseph, general of the OCD desired that Mother Veronica should at the earliest undertake the foundation of the Third Order Regular. Since she for several years belonged to the Third Order, she was asked to undergo a shortened novitiate. In preparation for her profession she made a retreat under the guidance of Mother Elias. The profession was held according to the ceremonies of the Carmel of the Great Order. As per Carmelite custom she writes, "I prostrated myself in the form of a cross on the carpet in the middle of the choir. Sister Marie of Jesus Crucified who was present saw a great cross which hovered over me while I was prostrate. During my retreat I had imprinted over my heart, with a cross heated in the fire, the sign of the cross, which, since then, I often renewed. Henceforward the holy cross was to be my portion. (Auto bio p.90)

AC Constitutions

Soon after Mother Veronica's profession, the prioress Mother Elias, asked her to draw up the constitutions for the new Third Order Regular for the missions. She says: "I did it on the model of those of St. Teresa while modifying and curtailing what was not proper to external works. They would have to say Little Office of the Blessed Virgin Mary instead of the Divine Office. Fasts and abstinences were also modified. Mother Elias in-spite of the great affection she bore me, pressed me to leave for the new foundation because she feared that I should fail in obedience, which I owed to our very Revered Father General who desired that this foundation be made without delay." (Auto bio p.90- 91)

Obedience

Mother Veronica records in her autobiography: "I begged Mother Elias to permit me to spend the feast of Christmas and set out afterwards, for to leave this dear Carmel when I had scarcely tasted the happiness of this heavenly life which was my delight, pierced me to the heart. But it was necessary to obey and come back into the midst of the world and all alone, for God showed sensibly to Sister of Jesus Crucified who wanted to follow me, that it was not His will. She was to remain hidden in the cloister. I therefore left on the 15 December 1867 alone.(Auto bio p.91)

Passion to Carmel

When Mother Veronica left Carmel in disguised attire to begin the new foundation. She notes: "I did not give up my Carmelite holy habit, which was my only consolation in the midst of this miserable world, into which I was obliged to descend. My attraction, my vocation was all for the dear cloister of the Carmel, and God knows the immense sacrifice that I had made while leaving it, but only for a time, for I had Mother Elias’s s promise that when I had done the work of obedience to my superiors of the Order demanded from me, I would be again received into the Carmel of Pau." (Auto bio p.91)

Necessity of the Third Order Regular

Mother Veronica was always very appreciative of Carmelites priests: "I was attached to them from the depths of my soul... I therefore sacrificed my attraction and my vocation for a time to fill an emptiness that existed in our Holy Order and which was shown to me during my retreat before making my profession under the form of a globe which was not complete. It lacked a big slice and I was told that this was the Third Order Regular which did not exist in Carmel." (Auto bio p.91-92)

Caompliance to Authority

At the directives of the Bishop of Annecy she went to La Roche, a small town hidden in the valleys of Savoy to begin the new Foundation. Having arrived at the place obedience directed her; she expresses her pain and anguish of her soul: "I was very embarrassed, for having come to Savoy out of obedience. I could not leave it at once, without having the authorization of our Very Reverend Father General. (Auto bio p.93)

A Life of Suffering

It was the Christmas Eve, she was all alone. Her heart was filled with sadness. She leaves Annecy to a village near La Roche to spend the feast of Christmas. We listen to the anguish of her heart as she narrates: "On Christmas day, as I was praying in the church which was deserted at nightfall, I found myself as it were in a desert, quite barren, with a cross set up in front of me to which I clung as my only support. It was indeed the bare cross which was waiting for me during my sojourn in Savoy." (Auto bio p.93)

Life of Helplessness and Loneliness

While in La Roche Mother Veronica regularly wrote letters to Father General of the OCD giving an account of her situation there; unfortunately, she received no reply. Later she came to know that he had not received any of her letters as he had been to Germany and there he fell ill and stayed for some time. She could not take further steps without Father General's consent and direction. It was a difficult and painful situation. In such condition she writes: "My only consolation in the complete solitude in which I lived, was to write to my beloved Mother Elias who encouraged and sustained me by her affection and advice." (Auto bio.p.94)

A Life of Poverty and Destitute

At this time Mrs. Leeves was living in Geneva. Having come to know about her daughter’s whereabouts, she visited her. Mother Veronica could not receive her respectably in her poor little apartment with a disfigured girl with her. Mme de Polinge offered her the hospitality in her castle for some days. She notes: "My mother was very displeased with my poverty and the complete destitution in which she found me and went away very quickly to Geneva." (Auto bio.p.94)

HUmiliation and Rejection by your own

Monsignor Magnin had given her the permission to begin the foundation at La Roche in Savoy. La Roche was a mountainous place, not conducive for a congregation to grow. Father Dominic the general, on his return from Germany, understood the circumstances in which Mother Veronica was placed. He asked her to leave the place and proceed through the other Carmels- of Lyons, Montpellier, Carcassonne, Agen and Bordeaux where the priors could help her to start the work of Third Order Regular for Carmelite missions. All that she faced here was greater humiliation and rejection; they doubted the authenticity of the letter of Father General, as he had signed without affixing the seal of the Order. She painfully records: "Certain Fathers thought that I was an adventuress! I am only desolate that it may have been destroyed with all others." (Auto bio.p.95)

Lone and Friendless

On her way to Lyons when Mother Veronica passed through Geneva, she stayed two or three days with her mother. At Montpellier she met a widowed Lady called Mme Barbiere, who later became a benefactress of Mother Veronica. She reminisces: "She often sent me money and wine, etc. I owe her much gratitude." ... Everywhere I showed my letter from our Reverend Father General but I knew that in Bordeaux the Fathers thought that I was an adventuress because the seal of the Order was lacking.... I returned very discouraged to the chair- makers' house where I lodged. I was longing to return to Pau where at least I was sure of finding friendly people again for I was tired of rushing about and finding deception everywhere." (Auto bio.p.96-97)

A Ray of Hope

Mother Veronica finally decided to leave the place to go to Pau. She writes: "Having a very heavy heart at not finding any sympathy among our Fathers whom I loved so much and for whom I had sacrificed my vocation, the happiness of my life." At this juncture Reverend Father Athanasius of the Immaculate Conception, with his socius a lay brother, came to see her there, for he had heard of her and perhaps he had read Father General's letter. She notes: "He showed the greatest interest in me as well as the work for the mission that I was charged to found, and when he saw that I was so cast down by the reception that I had received.... He begged me not to do so, and that he was going to take up the affair and speak for me." ( Auto bio.p.96-97)

Concern and Support

Father Athanasius promised that he would send some candidates to the Third Order Regular as soon as she had a placed to house them. She stayed on in Bordeaux a few days longer, and this priest got her in touch with some people who were helpful to her later on. (Auto bio.p.97-98)

God leads the Way

Mother Veronica spent a long time without any fruitfulness. She finally returned to the Carmel of Pau. She was sure of joining that cloistered community. However, when Mother Elias came to know about the entire episode, all her adventures, finding no opening to establish the Third Order she pressed upon the dejected Mother Veronica to go to Bayonne and meet Monsignor La Croix to find the possibility of having the cradle of the Third Order Regular in his diocese. There was also an old house of the cloistered sisters which could be utilized for this purpose, (Auto bio.p.98)

Gifts of Peace and Joy

Mother Veronica writes in her autobiography that as she was approaching Bayonne, "a heavy weight seemed to be lifted from me." Mother Dosithea, the prioress of Bayonne Carmel asked Mother Veronica to see to the feasibility occupying the house adjacent to Carmel. She says: "On entering the courtyard I felt that it was there that I had to start the work. Joy and peace filled my desolate heart and a new courage to work for the glory of God and the good of our holy Order in the missions of India, gave me the strength which for some time I had lacked totally." (Auto bio.p.99)

Bayonne - The Cradle of APostolic Carmel

It seems to that the cradle of the Apostolic Carmel was destined be in Bayonne. Another sign confirmed God's plan, Monsignor La Croix of Bayonne who was not ordinarily well-disposed to new foundations, received her with most paternal kindness. She writes: "He gave me all that I could desire; the permission to enter the enclosure of my dear Carmel, to receive candidates, to make the necessary repairs to settle a new community which would have the episcopal enclosure, etc." The Lord gave her all that she wanted... "Laden with permissions and very happy, I hastened to return to Pau where Mother Elias received me with open arms." (Auto bio.p.99)

Generosity - Carmel of Pau

Mother Veronica was so happy after all her sorrows God's providence granted her everything to begin the foundation. For a short period, she returned to the Carmel of Pau. Mother Elias the prioress did everything possible to express her affection and her charity. She remained at the Carmel of Pau for about a month. Mother Elias prepared all that she could give away from her sacristy, from the hermitages etc., and handed over to Mother Veronica for the new foundation at Bayonne. Two Postulants from Nimes arrived on the eve of the feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel. (Auto bio.p.100 &104)

Birth of Apostolic Carmel

On the feast of our Lady of Mount Carmel in 1868, after the High Mass at Carmel Mother Veronica with two Postulants took possession of the new house. Monsignor La Croix appointed Abbe Inchauspe, as their superior and confessor. Enumerating his fatherly love and concern for them, she pens, "His charity, his devotion to us and the work entrusted to my care were without limit. In matters of monetary support, "All that he could spare was given to his poor daughters of the Little Camel." (Auto bio.p.105)

The first AC Consitutions

The Father General of the Carmelites visited the Little Third Order on 1st September 1868. He along with her revised the Constitutions she had drafted. She records, "He approved them and was interested in everything. With most paternal goodness he visited the entire little convent and blessed the four or five first novices and postulants whom I had gathered. His Reverence spoke to us and recommended to us what should be the perfection aspired to by those who are the foundation stones of an edifice." (Auto bio.p.109)

Visit of Monsignor Marie Ephrem

Many aspirants came to join the Third Order Regular. Mother Veronica recounts, "During the five years that I remained at the Little Carmel of Bayonne, I had to send away 24 or 25 subjects of whom four or five were novices." While she was forming subjects for the missions of Carmelites Fathers in India, Monsignor Marie Ephrem was appointed Vicar Apostolic of Mangalore and consecrated Bishop. He visited the little community. (Auto bio.p.113)

Pioneering Band of India

Nine sisters from both Carmels were chosen to go to India as pioneers. Six sisters were from the Carmel of Pau; Mother Elias was to be the Prioress, and Mary of Jesus Crucified, still a novice, was part of the group. The three Sisters of the Carmelites of the Third Order Apostolic were Sister Elias of St. Teresa, Sister Marie des Anges and Sister Mary Joseph, a lay sister. They left Pau on 19th August 1870. Two Carmelites died on the way and buried. Two Carmelite priests who formed part of the party were, Father Lazare and Father Gratian. The latter stayed on with Mother Elias who was also seriously sick and they took the next ship to India. The rest along with Father Lazare continued their voyage to the missions of India. (Auto bio.p.116)

The Mark of the First Apostolic Carmel

It was destined that Mother Elias should reach India and be buried in the Indian soil. She breathed her last at the convent of St. Joseph, the same house which was founded by Mother Veronica about nine years before. Sister Agnes of Jesus and Sister Cecile of Infant Jesus arrived some months later to Mangalore. Monsignor Marie Ephrem appointed Sister Agnes as the Prioress of the little community and Father Lazare as superior of their community. Mother Veronica confirms, "Mother Agnes was perfectly submissive to him, and succeeded marvelously in her government. They began to teach in school, there was peace and union among them and I was quite consoled to hear even from Monsignor himself that he was very happy with all my children." (Auto bio.p.116)

The Shadows

The peace and unity that was the mark of the first little community of the Apostolic Carmel in India did not last long. The amalgamation of the sisters of St. Joseph who were already in the mission with Religious of the Third Order Regular by Monsignor Marie Ephrem was an unfortunate event which caused many a sorrows to the Third Order. He made them change their habit and without a novitiate, without forming them to the life and the spirit Carmel; besides he gave them authority to supervise Mother Agnes and her religious. These unhappy procedures sapped the Third Order to its foundations." (Auto bio.p.117)

The Storm

In such fateful circumstances, their superior Fr. Lazare advised Mother Agnes to represent the difficulties to the Monsignor. Finally, she tendered her letter of resignation citing the cause that in the existing situation and condition the Third Order could not exist. Monsignor accepted her resignation immediately and nominated Sister Marie des Anges to replace her. Soon after Mother Agnes was sent back to France, he relieved Father Lazare of his office of Vicar General and he was sent to Mahe. (Auto bio.p.117)

God's Sent - Madam Gil

Back in Bayonne, about this time Mother Veronica got acquainted with a Spanish lady called Madam Gil Moreno de Mora who had lost her husband and had come to spend some time at Bayonne because of the illness of her son. It was here she came to know about a very poor little community by the side of the Carmel and she left 25 Francs as her first gift. From the first interview a friendship started between them that never ceased. Mother Veronica describes about this distinguished lady: "Madam Gil told me her sorrows and I wept with her. She was a timorous soul full of piety. Charity was her predominant virtue. She gave and always gave, that was her happiness, and in giving, it was always she who was obliged and not those who received her bounty. (Auto bio.p.121)

Love - Gives Away

Mother Veronica reminisces the fond memories of Madam Gil, a charitable lady, who although had suffered great losses at the time of her association with her, was very generous: "This lady never came to see me without leaving some alms, which was at least 25 francs." When she sensed that Little Carmel had very little space, she bought the adjacent field that belonged to Carmel which they had rented to a farmer. She was hard up with money then, so she gave her jewelry boxes containing a magnificent crucifix and diamond rings to sell and buy the field and enclose it with a wall. A well was dug for the irrigation of the field. She helped to build a hermitage in honour of the Sacred Heart, a dainty little chapel with stained glass windows and a beautiful statue of the Sacred Heart in a niche above the altar. Her works of charities continued for the Little Carmel. (Auto bio.p.123)

Breakdown

Meanwhile the affairs of the Third Order Regular in India were going on very badly. Of the five Apostolic Carmel sisters, Mother Agnes and Sister Cecile had gone back to Bayonne. Sister Mary Joseph died at Cannanore. Sr. Elias who was in Cannanore under the obedience to a sister of St. Joseph suffered immensely. Mother Marie des Anges remained in Mangalore, the only European. Monsignor Marie Ephrem was dead. Mother Veronica writes: "And I was firmly resolved not to send any more subjects to that mission where my poor children suffered so cruelly." (Auto bio.p.123)

Premonition

Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified had made someone write to Mother Veronica "that all would swept be off." She says soon after that during her annual retreat before Pentecost while at her first meditation "I saw like a dream passing before me. I was in the choir but I was not sleeping"... I do not know what it will be, but for many years now I consecrated myself to the heart of Jesus through that of Mary and I carry always this consecration stitched to my little scapular. Every Sunday I make the exercises for a good death." (Auto bio.p.124-25)

Clouds of Darkness

The dissolution of the poor little Apostolic Carmel in Bayonne took place 10th October 1873. The situation at the Carmel worsened day by day. They had no resources other than what Madam Gil gave them. The community was reduced to eight. Mother Veronica laments: "Mother Agnes was ill and I was afraid she would lose her head, so, on the advice of the doctor I sent her to Nimes. I accompanied her up to Lourdes and then I went for a little consolation and advice to the Carmel of Pau. The Prioress Mother Marie and her community received me with their usual affection." (Auto bio.p.127-28)

Agony and Rejection

Finally it was decided that when she could dispose of all the sisters of the Apostolic Carmel either by placing them in other communities or sending them to their homes Mother Veronica could return to cloistered community of Pau. Mother Veronica painfully describes the last days at the little Carmel in Bayonne: "They were really an agony for me and for the poor children who were left to me. I disposed of them as best I could... Sister Cecile came with me to the Carmel of Pau, but she could not keep to the rule, was ill, and later she also returned to her family. At Bayonne everybody turned against me. The Carmelites who had been always so charitable towards our little community turned against us, as well as Abbe Inchauspe, who did not want to have anything to do with us anymore." (Auto bio.p.128)

Gratitude and Accompainment

Abbe Manaudas the confessor advised Mother Veronica to finish up as best she could. Monsignor La Croix was of the same opinion. She says, "Our only friend who remained faithful in all these vexations was Madam Gil. Oh no! Never will I be able to express all that I owe this saintly, charitable lady" It was Madam Gil who took charge of all expenditure of packing and the shifting railway freight etc. She came herself every day to supervise the workers during the last days. She saw to everything, says Mother Veronica, to spare me the fatigue and the sorrow, for I was broken in body and soul." (Auto bio.p.128)

Dissolving teh little community

The last and one of the most painful things was to disperse the little community she had so lovingly built up. The foundress expresses the anguish of her heart: "I was obliged to take away the holy habit from the poor children who were still left to me and send them to their families. Monsignor had relieved them of their vows; I could see this community which had cost me so much, being destroyed. Those who were leaving were desolate. My heart suffered so much that it seemed to become insensate. One had to have a very special grace not to succumb under it, and God gave that grace to me." (Auto bio.p.129)

God's Loving Kindness - Madam Gil

On the final day Madam Gil came with her son Pedro and his tutor who celebrated the mass. After communion he consumed the remaining sacred Hosts and from that time the little convent remained empty. Mother sadly states, "Jesus was not there anymore and I could not remain there any longer." With deep gratitude she pens: "I could never express the tenderness, the delicate charity of Madam Gil in these heart-breaking moments" (Auto bio.p.129)

The Closure

Lastly when the final goodbye was said to the Little Carmel, all of them went to spend the night with Madame Gil in Bayonne and the next morning Mother Veronica returned to Pau to re-enter her dear Carmel. It was the 10th October 1873. She says, "I had been in Bayonne a little over five years where all 'was now swept off' according to the expression of Sister of Jesus Crucified." (Auto bio.p.130)

Re-Entry to teh CLoistered Carmel

When Mother Veronica re-entered Carmel she was fifty years old. She began her second novitiate; the closure of the Little Carmel at Bayonne took a toll of her health; she was totally broken in health of mind and body. In-spite of it all she says, "My health improved in the measure I observed all the austerities of Carmel and my soul flew to the perfection prescribed by our Holy Rule without my feeling the least weight." (Auto bio.p.131)

Joy and Consolation

Mother Veronica fondly relates about the manner in which the Carmel of Pau welcomed her back into the Cloister. "Mother Marie of the Immaculate Conception received me with open arms, and the whole community did not know how to show enough affection and sympathy to console me in my sufferings and the heart-break which I had borne in the last days at Bayonne. The dear Sister of Jesus Crucified did not tire of giving me every sign of affection." (Auto bio.p.131)

Health

The painful events that occurred one after another at the Little Carmel in Bayonne took a toll of Mother Veronica's physical health as well. She had become too feeble. She had contracted rheumatism in all her bones because of the humidity of the house there. The right side of her, in particular the right knee gave her intolerable shooting pain to the extent that she couldn't kneel or sit without stretching out the leg. Her ruined health prevented her from keeping the cloistered rule without exemption. (Autobiography p.131)

Sacrifice and Penance

Mother Veronica was received into Carmel as benefactress. Mother Marie the prioress had exempted her from abstinence and permitted her to have tea daily as per her English custom. During this time she sensed that Sister Mary of Jesus was avoiding her and didn't wish to speak to her as before. When Mother Veronica asked her of the reason she said to her, "Our Lord said to me that you should not have tea anymore and I avoided you because I did not want to tell it to you... but you are ill, and I feared that it would give you pain to deprive you of Tea." Mother Veronica replied: "Jesus will give me the grace to take anything else and I promise you that I will never have it again." (Autobiography p.132)

Detachment

4. Mother Veronica experienced that Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified had knowledge of what Mother Veronica did and said even what she thought. She says that this could happen only through supernatural lights. On one occasion she was alone discussing with the novice mistress some of the fine material she had brought from Bayonne Carmel, which was previously destined to India. Now she desired to dispose it to her sister, an Ursuline religious who was very poor. Sister Mary of Jesus knew nothing of it. On one occasion during recreation when Mary of Jesus was in ecstasy she said many delightful things. After recreation she called Mother Veronica aside to her cell along with the superior and told me that "I should not think of disposing of anything of what I brought, for all belonged to God and not to me and I should remain in complete indifference and poverty." (Autobiography p.133)

Profession in Carmel

Mother Veronica's ill health could not help keep to the rule during her two years of novitiate. However she was admitted to profession omitting the words "which is without mitigation" in the formula of vows. Mother Veronica prayed to St. Teresa for a sign that if she wanted her to be her daughter, she should be able to kneel down to make her profession. On 21 November 1874 she made her profession. During her preparatory retreat for profession she writes, "I had all kinds of interior sufferings, but that evening I was filled with graces and joy" St. Teresa granted her request, she was able to kneel on the communion grille to pronounce the vows. (Auto bio p.138)

Death of Marina Haultain

Some days after Mother Veronica's profession, she received the message that her mother was seriously ill. She approached her Novice Mistress to speak about it. It was on 12 th December at five o'clock. At that time Sister Mary of Jesus happened to arrive and she said to Mother Veronica, "Your Mother is dead, but her faith has saved her." Two days later Mother Veronica received a letter from Catherine her sister informing about her mother's death. It was the same day and a little before 5pm mother had expired. She says, "I was in great sorrow because my mother died outside the church." (Autobiography p.139)

Foundation of Bethlehem

On 20 August 1875 the little band of ten professed sisters set out from Carmel of Pau to Carmel of Bethlehem. Mother Veronica and Sister Mary of Jesus crucified were part of the group. On their way at Montpellier they halted for three days, they had the joy of meeting Fr. Lazare for the first time after the sad events in India. He was overjoyed to see Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified, for whom he had suffered much. By then he was perfectly reinstated in the community and in the whole Order, however, his face showed expression of sadness. Mother Veronica comments: "His superiors, who could judge the tree by its fruits, had seen that his ignominious return from India was a crying injustice. Soon after this this good Father was elected prior at Montpellier." (Autobiography p.144)

Dream Fullfilled

The ceremony of installation of the Carmel took place on 24, September, 1875, feast of our Lady of Mercy. Abbe' Bordachar gave them a touching address in which he entrusted the Carmelite pioneering sisters to the paternal solicitude of Monsignor, the Patriarch. The Patriarch, priests and sisters all went in a procession for mass. After celebration of the Eucharist and lunch the Patriarch demarcated the enclosure and everybody withdrew and “we remained in our solitude," says Mother Veronica. (Autobiography p.156)

God's Guidance

Mother Ann and Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified asked Mother Veronica to draw up a plan for the monastery; she expressed her inability as she had no knowledge of architecture. However at their insistence she obliged and said, "I will try." And Mother Veronica writes, "At Communion I asked very earnestly for the gift of understanding and the grace to do by obedience what I could not do otherwise. I had heard the number 30, told to me interiorly, and I understood that it was meant to be the size of the diameter of the tower. I was very embarrassed having no idea of architecture, but God helped me and I drew a plan with my metric scale which, the Father Cure', said was sufficient to undertake the building of the monastery." (Autobiography p.159)

Pride vs Humility

In the Carmel of Bethlehem, Mother Veronica read the life of a Jesuit priest, Father Clement Cathary, who had made the rare vow of humility and he died in the odour of sanctity. His life of humility made a great impression on her. Mother Veronica accounts, "I felt urged to practice that virtue which is, quite contrary to my character, to my protestant education... For a long I had tried to combat pride in me, ever since the beginning of my conversion, but I think I made very little progress in the virtue of humility." (Autobiography p.169)

Vow of Humility

On several occasions while in prayer Mother Veronica felt that our Lord desired that she should make this vow of humility. But she feared that she would not be able to observe it. After some time Fr. Guido permitted her to make this vow for short periods of eight days, from one confession to another confession which helped her greatly. She records: "At least I had the good will of working with all my heart to acquire that virtue which is so contrary to my nature." (Autobiography p.170)

Humiliations

After the death of Mary of Jesus Crucified, God provided Mother Veronica with ample opportunities to acquire this virtue by permitting many humiliations. She writes: "Our Lord seemed to have taken charge of sending them to me until I was ground in such a way as to be a grain of dust under the feet of all. And still more, He gave me to grace of being able to thank Him for them with all my soul." (Autobiography p.170)

Fall

In the Carmel of Bethlehem, once while plucking flowers that grew between the rocks, Mother Veronica had a fall and dislocated her arm at the wrist which was not set well for several months, the condition worsened day by day as the country physicians were ignorant to give the proper medication. She remained crippled as the wrist could not be set right. This accident prevented her from following the regular community exercises. She recalls: "I did not attend Martins, nor go to refectory; for I could not hold the Breviary, nor eat without the help of someone to cut up the food and I did not keep abstinence that caused me great suffering." (Autobiography p.171)

Impact of Community Living

On another occasion in Bethlehem Carmel, Sister Jesus Crucified was in ecstasy and said many things about the community life which Our Lord wanted to reform in the community, above all the practice of the holy poverty, amendment of their way to live a life of sanctification. She also spoke to Mother Veronica, what the Lord wanted her to be: "He wishes you to follow the community, that you, who are old, give good example to the young ones." Mother Veronica writes, "From that day I had the grace of returning to the refectory where they were charitable enough to cut my bread etc. and I went about everywhere except for Martins." (Autobiography p.171)

Faternal Love

Mother Veronica writes in her autobiography that as long as Mary of Jesus Crucified lived the relations between the two communities were most cordial and affectionate. (Pau and Bethlehem Carmel) The two communities wrote to each other, and the greatest fraternal charity reigned between the two which were of one heart and one soul. In the community of Bethlehem also in all truth, among them reigned great charity and union of hearts. There were often some vexations, as everywhere, but charity, the queen of virtues reigned supreme. (Autobiography p.172)

Cordial and Truthful

Monsignor Bracco the Patriarch of Bethlehem occasionally visited the Carmel of Bethlehem. The saintly Patriarch recognized in Sister of Mary of Jesus Crucified the signs of the Spirit of God working in her. He loved to speak to her and she also loved him like her beloved father. One day she said to him, "Monsignor, you are too severe outwardly. You should become more amiable towards your priests and those who come to meet you." Mother Veronica remarks that the patriarch with his in comparable humility replied her, "What do you want me to do? (Auto bio p.177)

Assets of the Good Sheperd

Mother Veronica speaks of the warm and cordial relationship the community had with Patriarch, their shepherd. Initially the community felt he was very austere and they found little difficulty to approach him. Later on he had become much more paternal and amiable in his relations with them. Mother sensed his saintly ways, and special virtues of humility and mortifications. He was also prudent charitable and very knowledgeable, he did everything with incomparable dignity and piety. His priests commented on him as "very slow, like Rome, but once a decision was taken, his firmness was unshakable. Mother Veronica says, "I found him a real father and I shall never be able to express my gratitude for what I owe him, and the kindness that he showed me." (Auto bio p.177)

Chaos in the Carmel of Bethlehem

Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified died in the Carmel of Bethlehem on 26 August 1878. As long as she lived, the community lived in unity and charity. She is compared to the lightening conductor of the monastery. But her passing away brought many changes in the cloistered community. After her death many irregularities were seen in the life of the cloistered life. Mother Veronica remarks: "As soon as she died one would have said that the devil was let loose against the Carmel of Bethlehem." (Auto bio p.205)

Indiscipline in the Monastery

It is regrettable to note that the very custodians of the monastic life were living a life of laxity for weeks together which brought about chaos in the community. Contrary to the cloistered norms, Father Estrate, every day entered the enclosure between four and five o'clock in the evening and installed himself in the garden with Mlle Dartigaux. Mother Anne, the Superior and Sister Infant Jesus, the Mistress of Novices, also remained with him. These two sisters gave up the community prayer at five o'clock, habitually arrived late for supper at six o'clock and when the priest went for his supper at seven o'clock, these two sisters would take their supper, almost always after the community had finished and arrived for recreation towards the end This deplorable behavior was unacceptable in the cloister. Externals presence inside the enclosure was seen by the public thus being counter witness of prudence to the public and regularity for the whole community. (Auto bio p.208)

Beginning of Troubles

The community was saddened by the awful situation in the monastery. Mother Veronica felt indignant and annoyed at the deviation at the cloistered life, She prayed to God to stop what could be a scandal, for she writes, “men and woman are like straw and fire," On one occasion she could not contain to herself, so before two or three sisters, she spoke some words on this subjects. A word which does not come from me as is well known. This word was repeated and reported as an infamous calumny against the honour of Father Estrate and Mlle. Dartigaux, all these things gave me so much pain that I was completely disturbed and I fell with jaundice. I thought I was going to die and I desired it with all my heart." (Auto bio p.209)

The Trouled Waters

All these affairs greatly upset Mother Veronica. She suffered severely from jaundice and felt as she was dying. She asked Mother Ann’s permission to make her confession to Father Guido the extraordinary confessor of the community. Mother Veronica writes, "I was still sick and in bed, in confession I told the priest all my sorrows. He told me that in conscience I was obliged to tell these things regarding the enclosure to Monsignor, the Patriarch. I did not wish to do it but the Father repeated it to me that in conscience I was obliged to do it and ended with the following words: "I hope this will be a lesson for all." The father left telling me to be prudent in my speech and ended with the following words: "I hope this will be a lesson for all." (Auto bio p.210)

Appreciation

As we glance through the autobiography of Mother Veronica we come to understand that she suffered much from the hands of Father Estrate at the Carmel of Bethlehem. In spite of all that she is very objective in her assessment of persons. She was upset with him for violating the rules of the enclosure as a superior and confessor, yet she has kind words for the priest. She records. "He was then very good to the Sisters. He was our extraordinary confessor and gave us direction at times for a long time; he permitted me to make my general confession and encouraged me much in the interior life and prayer, showing great interest in me." She also mentions about his other talents and gifts which he generously used for others. (Auto bio p.211)

Prophetic

As days passed Father Estates continued to violate the rule by his regular comings and goings. Mother Veronica relates of an incident that happened in 1880, of which she had to face the dire consequence for the rest of her stay at the Camel of Bethlehem. One day after communion she says, "It seems to me that Our Lord told me to tell Father Estrate that he should not enter the monastery and that it was enough. I felt it was a delicate commission and I was afraid to make it, but Our Lord repeated the order." At her next confession before beginning the Confession, she told Father Estrate what she believed that Our Lord wanted. She writes, "He was shocked for he did not reply to me, and asked me to make my confession and which I did in a few words and then I ran away." (Auto bio p.214-15)

Retribution

Since Mother Veronica's last confession wherein she spoke of Fr. Estate's undesirable regular presence inside the closure, he was upset and for some days the priest had stopped speaking to the sisters. Several sisters were deprived of communion for several days. Mother Veronica feared her fate could be a similar one. Her fears were soon confirmed. Mother Anne told her, "Father Estrate has sent me to tell you that you will not receive communion until further orders." And I added "tell father that I shall obey." (Auto bio p.215)

Imminent Trails

For some time Father abstained from entering the enclosure. "I remained eight days without Communion that caused me great grief; it was only beginning of my trials. From that day Father Estrate did not wish to see me nor hear my confession." When she was given the permission to receive communion, one day after communion she heard an interior voice telling her: "Prepare yourself to suffer." And after some days, she heard the same voice "Prepare yourself for suffering." She says that it was quite distinct. (Auto bio p.216)

Interior Sufferings

Mother Veronica did not know what kind of suffering she would have to face. "On 11 August 1880 soon after the last warning on Wednesday, I received communion as usual, and hardly fifteen minutes later I felt something in my soul which I shall never be able to describe or explain. It was overwhelmed, annihilated under the weight of my sins, and the anger of God! Pure suffering had taken up my whole being and I could see only my sins which were the cause of it. It seemed that I was going to die- I could see a huge mountain of my sins which stood between me and my God." (Auto bio p.217)

Censures

Mother Veronica was deeply saddened by the course of events. She felt sad for hurting the priest and wanted to ask pardon. She asked Father Estrate to hear her confession he bluntly refused, thus she approached Father Chirou to make her confession after which she received communion on the eve of Assumption. Father Estrate through Mother Ann pressed her to exact from her what she had confessed to the other priest. When they couldn't get what they wanted they deprived her of Communion for three weeks, and insisted she should confess and made reparation for her ingratitude towards Father Estrate and Mlle. Dartigaux. Mother Veronica says, "My soul was in such a state that I believed all that they said to me." (Auto bio p.217)

Terror and Horror

Mother Veronica was so disturbed in mind and heart that she believed all their false accusation without knowing what way. In such a state of darkness and torture of soul, says Mother Veronica, "I believed I was guilty of all they accused me of. Fear took hold of my soul; I could see myself damned in the hands of the devils. Fears, panic caught hold of me I could not sleep not eat. At night if I dozed a little I got up with a start. My heart beat violently and I thought I was falling into hell."(Auto bio p.218)

Cruelty

Father Estrate and Mother Anne asked her repeatedly to make public reparation. Mother Veronica painfully laments: "I wrote down, where I accused myself of I don't know what, but I know that I scandalized the sisters, who knew nothing of all that, for I think I said things that were only thoughts and temptations. They asked me a copy of this culpa to preserve it, according to the odious system which Father Estrate used thereafter to torture souls." (Auto bio p.218)

Desolation

In this state of mind Mother Veronica made her extraordinary confession to Father Chirou to review her life. The priest tried to calm her down. She recollects, "In all my accusations he did not find that I was guilty of calumny of which they insisted that I should accuse myself." She relates the terrible distress she suffered. "I was in such thick darkness that in spite of my good will to find in what calumny consisted, I could not discover it. At each confession I repeated the same things that Father Chirou told me no calumny at all. Finally the priest finding that I was losing my head.... he commanded me never to repeat these things again and told me to remain very tranquil. (Auto bio p.219)

Astute Animator

Mother Veronica gifted with keen perception, presumed the cause for sisters' revolt. She attributes the very disastrous slackening of the community life due to the long absence of the superior from the community for four months, and the interference of the unauthorized authority of a lay person in community affairs. Mother Veronica comprehends the situation, empathizes with the community and exercises considerable soft approach as she reports to Mother Emilie Julien, "And yet the poor sisters who are here... have the best possible goodwill to live as true religious and observe the rule and constitutions. "Again, she tells the superior general, "It is a pity that a lay person should have been involved in the affairs of a religious house," It is a warning note to all! (A Life in Letters p. 264,266)

Ability to Maneuver Critical Situation

Mother Veronica taking control of the past situation of her community says, "In future we shall live as religious." The Ordinary of the diocese (Rangoon) had shown little concern about the sisters and orphans. His insisted that all the earnings of sisters from school, needle work and other sources to be handed over to him. He would give to the sisters what they required to maintain themselves. This situation is not much different today in some of our missions. The daring forthright nature of Mother Veronica spoke to the bishop on behalf of her community. This is what she communicates to Mother Emilie Julien, "I answered by showing him the Constitutions and made him read Chapter XI on the General Emergency Fund. Monsignor was very displeased about that and told me he did not want me to send anything to Europe; if I were to send you the balance of what we earn from school etc.., he would take measures… he would no longer want us, and he would call other religious. I answered that our Constitutions demanded... I had to do my duty, as our Constitutions demanded of me." (A Life in Letters p. 264-65.)

Flame of Carmel Ignited

Transfer from one country to another or change of situation does not quench Mother Veronica's desire for Carmel. It is noted in her letter of August 1, 1864 from Rangoon to Father Syndique, "Father, my heart and affection are always in Malabar and I suffer much more now, than when I was there in person... I have explained clearly my sentiments regarding Carmel, where I feel even more urged to go... Archbishop Bernardino has indeed encouraged me in this my vocation, while recommending me to have patience and to be prudent; his great desire is that I return to Cochin." (A Life in Letters p 266.)

Love and Commitment for the Mission

Mother Veronica's strength is in the fact that once she puts her hand to the plough there is no turning back. She makes all effort to set Rangoon mission in order. However her spirit longs for Carmel. She writes to Fr. Syndique, “I have no other desire than to do God's will – namely to return to the Carmelite mission and, even until death, consummate the sacrifice I began; thus I do not flee from obedience or suffering, rather the contrary." The great suffering she had begun to taste in Malabar didn’t come on the way to continue her work with people there. Rather she speaks of her felt desire, "My heart is there. The more I began to stay way, the more the desire to return increases; despite this, I am not disturbed in spirit or troubled about the future or present. I now need to work the best I can, like St. Joseph, in the fervour of his spirit and leave all merit to the Father, while the Madonna our Mother gives me the grace to profess wholeheartedly my trust in Carmel." (A Life in Letters p. 267.)

Responsible Communicator

In most of Mother Veronica's letters, one of her complaints to Emilie Julien is about the latter's unusual delay in replying letters. No doubt the mode of communication then was one of the reasons. As superior of a community, it was necessary for her to settle many of the mission issues with the knowledge and consent of her superior general. After her arrival to Rangoon she wrote three letters giving details of administration of the mission and community. In her letter of November 15, 1864 she writes, "Is it possible that none of my letters has reached you, the replies to which I was anxiously awaiting. It is very painful, far as we are, from our superiors, to be left without any instructions as to how we should act, when we are in difficulties. The only alternative we have is to act on our own, as best we can and trust in God and the protection of our good and Mother Mary who will protect us." She reiterates, "But it is very painful not to receive a single word from our superiors for such a long time." (A Life in Letters p. 268-69.)

Determination to Pursue Her Call

Mother Veronica had disclosed to the superior general her desire to join the Carmelite Order. She had explained to her in detail how God choses to lead her. Now in this letter she writes, "If some day you hear dear Mother, that I have left Rangoon, do not be too astonished, for it is not possible; nor will it ever be to escape the trouble that is our lot everywhere. The cross will always be my precious and glorious heritage." (A Life in Letters p. 270.)

In Quest of God's Will

Mother Veronica in her letter of January 12, 1865 speaks about the reason why she joined St. Joseph of the Apparition, following the injunction of the Lord; although she was attracted to a contemplative order. Even at this juncture she says, “I do not desire anything but the will of God." Since the time she joined the Institute she never had a thought or the desire to change except recently. She states, "Now – for more than two years, I have felt being drawn towards Carmel with so sweet a violence that I can no longer resist the strong inner urge. Each of my confessors to whom I communicated this inclination of mine and to whom I explained my inner disposition, having always understood me, said they thought this voice came from God and that he would make known to me more clearly, his will through my superiors." (A Life in Letters p. 270- 71)

Drawn to Contemplative Life

Mother Veronica's letter to Father Syndique from Rangoon on 12 January, 1865 clearly states that she is strongly drawn to a contemplative way of life and desires to walk the way of perfection. She writes to the priests, "Here, we have a very good missionary to whom I write. He is our extraordinary confessor and director. He says that he strongly believes that this call is the will of God for me and not a temptation. As for me, I am in peace and calmly await in patience the interior security our Lord will give me, in making known through my superiors what he wants of me." (A Life in Letters p. 271)

Spirit to Contemplative Life

Mother Veronica continually seeks God's will for her through her spiritual guides and superiors. She believes God leads her through them. Even in the apparent impossible situation she says, "I am not at all discouraged; rather I am always perfectly at peace and contented. I need not be afraid of anything, because I neither wish nor desire anything, except the will of God - to work for and seek God, is the only aim of my poor life. The good Jesus is our all and his sweet Mother is also our mother and our consolation." She feels, "The life of a missionary in India is divine and spiritual." For want of human consolation they greatly feel the need of good and holy persons to pray for them. (A Life in Letters p. 272)

In Silence and Stillness Discovering God's Will

Between January 1865 and November 1866, there seems to have been no correspondence whatever regarding the new Third Order of the Carmelites to be founded. It could have been due to the fact that Father Marie Ephrem, though very keen on having this new Order established, deemed it more prudent that there be no communication at all between him and Mother Veronica till Father de Villefort, the confessor of the Sisters of St. Joseph, had pronounced on her vocation. (A Life in Letters p. 272)

The First Inspiration to Carmel

The following is taken from Mother Veronica's letter to her daughters at Trivandrum, written many years later on 1 February, 1893. She confirms to her daughters in India that it was in Calicut that God gave her a vocation to become a Carmelite. On her arrival to Mangalore in 1862, Father Marie Ephrem received her into the Third Order. Since then, little by little her conviction became stronger to enter the Carmelite Order, but she could not see or understand how it could be realized. (A Life in Letters p. 273)

God Pursues His Chosen One

The Carmelite missionaries felt the need to have a Third Order for their missions as there were too few sisters of St. Joseph for Mangalore, Verapoly and Quilon which then was administered by them. Mother Veronica had no idea how this desire could be actualized. Meanwhile her superior general transferred her to Rangoon – Burma. She says, "I must say, to my great grief, I almost lost all hope. However, God made use of this to realize his will and after the accident to my foot, I was ordered to return to Europe." (A Life in Letters p. 273).

Strengthened in Her Desire to Be A Carmelite

Mrs. Marina Leeves got her dear daughter's leg treated by a surgeon in London. Mother's care and concern soon restored Mother Veronica to good health, however she says, "My vocation to become a Carmelite became stronger and stronger." On her return to the convent in Rome she wished to meet Father Marie Ephrem who was in Rome. She met him at Mgr. Howard's place in Rome. He advised her to continue in her desire to enter the Carmel. She writes, "But that he (Father Marie Ephrem) could not help me; my vocation must be tried, and he advised me to put myself under the guidance of Rev. Father de Villefort, a very holy Jesuit, who was confessor of the Sisters of St. Joseph, and he was to decide what the will of God for me was." Mgr. Howard assured her of all help that was within his power. He remained faithful till the end. (A Life in Letters p. 274)

In Quest of God's Grace

Qualities of authenticity and transparency stand out clearly in Mother Veronica's correspondence with her beloved superior general. She had already written to her long back, of her desire to become a Carmelite. This idea of leaving St. Joseph was much opposed by Mother Emilie Julien and she tried all she could do to dissuade her and even her director Father de Villefort. Mother Veronica writes to her daughters, "But I persisted, for grace and the will of God were there and pushed me forward." (A Life in Letters p. 274)

Opposition Faced

Mother Veronica had many a priests and bishops who guided her to realize her call to Carmel. They perceived her genuine longing and need of the mission and supported her cause. However, Cardinal Barnabo, the Perfect of the Propaganda, who was protector of St. Joseph's Congregation staunchly opposed her cause decided by the congregation of Bishops and Regulars. He would not give up the documents prepared, by which they were to judge the matter. She writes, "Mgr. Howard and English Prelate, Mgr. Talbot, spoke in my favour to the Cardinal Prefect of Bishops and Regulars, and to Mgr. Svegliate the Secretary, who was disposed in my favour, but Cardinal Barnabo kept the documents in question." (A Life in Letters p. 274- 75).

God's Choice is Manifested

Those who trust in the Lord are never let down. God's choice is spoken through Father de Villefort who pronounced in her favour. Mother Veronica tells her daughters, "He thought I was called to be a Carmelite; and about a fortnight after he died the death of a saint. His death was an immense loss and grief to me. He had always been such a real father to me, especially in this long strife and trouble, which lasted for six months, but God permitted that before he died, he should have decided in my favour, which was a great step gained. But I had still much to do." (A Life in Letters p. 275).

God Shows the Way

There seems be no doubt Mother Veronica must have had some anxiety about her leaving the Order in the circumstances in which she was placed then. God arranged everything in a wonderful way. Mother General who was obliged to go to Marseilles to the Mother house wished to take Mother Veronica with her. Mother Veronica told Mgr. Howard who consulted Mgr. Svegliati on this matter. The Prelate said to him, "Let Sister Veronica accompany Mother Emilie Julien to Marseilles, without fear; it will be much easier for her to accomplish her wish of becoming a Carmelite in France than here in Rome." They arrived in Marseilles in Easter Week1867. (A Life in Letters p. 275).

The Doors of Carmel Opened

Mother Veronica was made the Mistress of Novices of St. Joseph's. In addition she writes that a holy child was entrusted to her care - referring to Mary the Arab. In this holy child of obedience, humble and full of charity, Mother Veronica saw God's marvelous works as she witnessed blood flowing from her hands, her feet, her side and her head on every Friday. Mother says, "I am firmly convinced that I was brought to Marseilles to be the means of conducting this child to her vocation as a Carmelite in Pau, for God so ordered all things that she was not accepted in the chapter of votes for the reception of holy Habit." As Mary the Arab desired, at Mother Veronica's request she was accepted at the Carmel. On 14 June, 1867, on the eve of the feast of the Most Holy Trinity, Mother Veronica and postulant little Mary the Arab arrived at the Cloistered Carmel of Pau. (A Life in Letters p.276)

Role of Father Marie Ephrem

This is what we read from Father Marie Ephrem's letter to Father Syndique (Joseph Louis) dated November 26, 1866. "... It seems that Father de Villefort has decided the question of Sister Veronica's vocation. I am quite satisfied to be completely out of it. As soon as her case is settled in Rome, she can go to our Carmelite Convent at Pau. Her cell will be ready..." (A Life in Letters p. 277)

Permission from Holy Father

Mother Emilie Julien writes to Cardinal Barnabo, Cardinal Protector of the Sisters of St. Joseph of the Apparition dated nil year 1867. She speaks about Sister Veronica Leeves leaving the congregation to enter the Order of Carmel. "I was almost convinced that Mgr. Talbot and Mgr. Howard had been able to obtain from the Holy Father the necessary permission for the regularization of the step she had taken. I was all the more justified in believing this as Your Eminence has never answered me on this point." (A Life in Letters p. 278-79).

Life in Carmel

At last, the long-cherished desire for Carmel is realized. Mother Veronica considers it a 'Paradise on earth'. Both she and Mary the Arab were clothed as Carmelites on the following day, the Feast of the Most Holy Trinity. Mary the Arab was named as Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified. She describes their initial experience, "This dear child was happy, delighted to find herself among all these holy religious. She was in her element. I was like her; all that we saw, all that we heard was delicious to us." (Auto biography p.82)

Greatness of Mother Elias OCD

Mother Elias the prioress became the Novice mistress of Sister Veronica. She defines her mistress' strengths, "What a mother, what a mistress, was this Mother Elias! Holy Mother Elias... She possessed not only all the qualities to make a person perfect. She had a distinguished education, together with intelligence above the ordinary. But what won all hearts to her was that perfect evenness of disposition in all circumstances, that gentleness that inalterable patience joined to a firmness, which did not come in the way of her kindness and maternal tenderness." (Auto biography p.82- 83)

Love and Reverence to Superior

Mother Veronica was greatly influenced by Mother Elias' life of holiness personality and the way she animated the community. She calls her a person of rare humility, which in no way harmed the dignity of her speech and of her whole bearing. '...She is a person of great discernment of spirits, pleasant in speech, bears an enchanting smile, her voice inspired people from outside who came to speak to her without seeing her. She admits that she was not only a perfect Carmelite, but a perfect Prioress'. Mother Veronica recalls, "When she came every evening after matins to make a visit of the cells and to bless me, I kissed the hand which had blessed me and I lifted my eyes towards that maternal face, illuminated by her incomparable smile and I laid myself down, happy, under the influence of the joy that I had felt from it." (Auto biography p. 83)

Spirit of Faith

After many years Mother Veronica reliving and relishing the fond memories of Mother Elias, says, "What a Mother the good God gave me!" She states, "On her arrival to Carmel I did not need a director besides Mother Elias. I told her everything. On arriving I wished to speak of my private life to the confessor as I was accustomed to do, but our Lord told me to give an account of everything to Mother Elias. I did so and found it good." (Auto biography p. 84)

Spiritual Childhood

On 2nd July 1867, on the feast of visitation Mother Veronica was clothed in Carmelite habit at the Carmel of Pau at a ceremony that was held in secret, without outward pomp. She recounts the immense graces received from our Lord. "I was, as it were, beside myself with joy and for several days afterwards I kept the intellectual presence of our Lord beside me, who spoke to me and directed me in everything, as if I saw Him... Prayer was my joy. I had almost no distraction. Sweet tears flooded my soul. The holy office was my happiness. My attraction for penances became stronger than ever. It was like a second spiritual childhood." (Auto biography p. 85)

Plans for Carmels in Mangalore

While Mother Veronica was going through the novitiate at Carmel of Pau, Mother Elias and several others of the Pau community wished very much for a foundation of the Carmel at Mangalore and those who were most ardent wanted her to give them lessons in English. Mother Elias the prioress also wrote to Father General, Dominic of St. Joseph, to tell him that Mother Veronica was there in the novitiate and to ask him what he wished to her do for the foundation of the third Order. He replied that she should undergo a shortened novitiate, and then send for the Prior of the Carmelites Bagneres to receive her profession (Auto biography p. 88)

Growth in Holiness

Mother Veronica describes her spiritual experiences as a Novice in the Carmel of Pau. "I clung to more and more for my holy vocation. My health had quite come back to normal. The austerities of Carmel were a delight to me. Silence, solitude, fasts abstinence, vigils - all were easy to me. Still more I took delight in them." She still wanted judgment to confirm her vocation to Carmel. She asks the prioress, "Mother, do you believe that I have the spirit of Carmel?" Mother Elias replied, "Yes my daughter I believe." (Autobiography p. 89)

Vocation to Contemplative and Active Life

Mother Veronica is experiencing the spiritual happiness at the Carmel. All along in St. Joseph's she who had completely plunged into apostolic activities, is now amazed to find herself blending both the roles of Mary and Martha. Overwhelmed with joy she says, "Yet I had been so happy doing works of charity as a Sister of St. Joseph, and now the life of Carmel had replaced it completely! I myself was astonished at the two vocations so markedly different, and when I thought that soon I would have to uproot myself from this paradise (Carmel) and return to the world to work at the foundation of the Third Order, my heart was torn." (Auto biography p. 89)

God's Elect

As for Father General's wish for a shorter novitiate, Mother Elias asked Mother Veronica to make retreat in preparation for her profession in the Third Order Regular, which she was to found. As Father Bagneres could not receive her profession, he delegated Father Robert OCD. She professed on the feast of our Lady of Dolours in September, 1867 with all ceremonies according to the custom of the Great Order. It was when she was prostrated in the form of a cross on the carpet, Mary of Jesus Crucified who present saw a great cross which hovered over Mother Veronica while she was prostrate. She relates here what was only known to Mother Elias, "During my retreat I had imprinted over my heart, with a cross heated in the fire, the sign of the cross, which, since then, I often renewed. Henceforward the holy cross was to be my portion." (Auto biography p. 9

Works of Mercy

Mother Veronica explains to Father A.L.D.C, how the idea of Carmel materialized: "Monsignor Bernardino Archbishop of Verapoly, Rev. Father Marie Ephrem, and Rev Father Cherubino, a Carmelite missionary, all three knew of my desire to become a Carmelite ... they communicated to me the idea of a Regular Third Order for the Missions, that they might have nuns of the same family of Mount Carmel, who should devote themselves to various works of mercy in union with our Fathers." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.288)

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To implement the thought of Camel was an uphill task for Mother Veronica. She states, "The good God helps us to surmount all obstacles when he desires something." In her letter to Father Syndique she says that several religious were ready to leave for the foundations at Quilon. Father Marie Ephrem desired to have Cloistered Carmelite Sisters and Tertiaries for teaching work, who could live in the same house, use the same chapel; that could greatly benefit the teaching community from the spiritual support of the cloistered religious. ( Letter dated June 25, Vol. II 1867)

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Mother Veronica in her letter to Father Syndique says that Mgr. Howard has also received a letter from the Rev. Father Marie Ephrem of his desire to have Religious of the Reform as well as Tertiaries. She seeks priest's advice in this regard. She is happy and appreciates the fervent edifying spirit that reigns in that community. She comments, "When Father Marie Ephrem does not need me any more for his Tertiaries, I think I too will retire behind the cloister walls to end my dire wretchedness in the peace of the Reformed Carmel." Indeed we know these inspired words did come true. ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.292- 93)

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The Prioress of the Carmelites of Pau greatly admired and appreciated Mother Veronica. She tells Father Marie Ephrem that she considered Mother Veronica as the "precious treasure". He in turn communicates to Father Dominic the General, that Sister Veronica joined the Carmel community of Pau. "The whole community is enchanted with her. Sister Veronica is an incomparable treasure for a community." Father Marie Ephrem concludes, "Sister Veronica is a subject sent by Providence to succor us in our need." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.294- 95)

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Mother Veronica is clothed in the white habit of the Carmel of Pau. Father Marie Ephrem reminds her, "Oh, how much you have longed for this moment. Through how many contradictions and trails of every sort you have passed to reach the goal of your desires... How mysterious and wonderful are the ways of God." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.295)

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Mother Elias the prioress became the novice directress of Mother Veronica. Father Marie Ephrem writes to the latter from Trivandrum letter dated 13 August, 1867, "I must have sisters here for the education of girls. I must have them absolutely. Lately the protestants have got down from England for Trivandrum. A lady teacher is doing all she can to make our young people Protestants. I am doing all I can to counteract her." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.296)

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While Mother Veronica was going through her novitiate, Father Marie Ephrem asks to write the Rule for her new Order. "As for me I have no time to write the rule of the Third Oder... draw up for me based on our Rule, (Carmelite) the Constitutions for Tertiaries engaged in Education and Works of Charity. Send me these Rules and Constitutions by Post. I will go over them and then it will be necessary to get them approved by the bishop of the diocese where the Third Order is to be founded. I am pressing the affair of our foundation in Rome with M. R. Father General and Cardinal Barnabo. You know that it is only by patience that you overcome all obstacles." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.296)

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Father Marie Ephrem knew Mother Veronica's passionate desire to be a missionary in India. He says, "I understand your eagerness to return and consecrate yourself to the service of our poor Indians and I regret that you cannot start at once... Our Catholic children go to Protestant School. It is deplorable!... I wish greatly that we could found in France a Third Order for teaching, because in that way we could bring out subjects to our missions later, as we need them. One must think of the future; I would rather wait six months longer, and leave behind me a work established, which will serve as a nursery for our missions." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.297)

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Father Dominic in his letter dated 2 November, 1867; directs Mother Veronica about the work of the Foundation. "It is urgent that you should put into execution your project of the foundation in Savoy. The moment you receive permission from the bishop send me the Christian and Family names of M. I'Abbe and I will forward to him the letters patent to establish a Third Order. Then as soon as you have certain number gathered together in some house, make your constitutions, which must be approved first by the Rev. Father Marie Ephrem; submit them to the bishop, and then form your community under Rule." ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.298 -99)

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Mother Veronica informs Father Marie Ephrem her future course of action: "...I am very pleased with Father General's letter, since he is asking me to start the work at Savoy as soon as I receive the necessary authorization from the Bishop of Annecy. That is rather consoling to me, for in leaving this dear Carmel (my secure nest, to go back to the turbulent world), I feel I am acting under obedience, else I would be incapable of doing anything." ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.299)

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Father Marie Ephrem expressed his joy and gratefulness towards Father General for the keen interest he was showing in the work of Third Order Regular. However Father Marie Ephrem does not want her in India at least for the present. He apprehends, "If she comes to India this might bring the displeasure of Cardinal Barnabo against them and result in her setting out from Europe, without leaving behind her anything stable… thus, Sister Veronica could remain on in Europe and found the Third Order there and send us subjects, some of them English; it is the best thing that can be done. In a couple of years, when the work is going on well in France, Sister Veronica could come here if her superiors see that it is her vocation." ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.302)

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Father General had written to Mother Veronica, of the dire need of having English novices who after being formed could be sent to Quilon. Here she expresses her heartfelt desire to Father Marie Ephrem, "Oh Father, I ask you to beseech our Lord and his Holy Mother to so ordain everything that I might myself go soon. I am destined for India. My heart is there... just as he helped me to overcome all the difficulties that obstructed me from entering Carmel; he will help me to overcome all the obstacles that bar my path to India. I am strongly convinced about this." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.301)

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Father Marie Ephrem expressed his joy and gratefulness towards Father General for the keen interest he was showing in the work of Third Order Regular. However Father Marie Ephrem does not want her in India at least for the present. He apprehends, "If she comes to India this might bring the displeasure of Cardinal Barnabo against them and result in her setting out from Europe, without leaving behind her anything stable… thus, Sister Veronica could remain on in Europe and found the Third Order there and send us subjects, some of them English; it is the best thing that can be done. In a couple of years, when the work is going on well in France, Sister Veronica could come here if her superiors see that it is her vocation." ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.302)

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Father Marie Ephrem in his letter dated 14 December, 1867, reiterates to Father General,"My beloved Father what I want are sisters, at least some of them English, but I do not ask for Sister Veronica in particular. If I have spoken of her to your reverence in my previous letter, it is because she is the only Englishwoman I saw and know, who could succeed here; only the English could succeed here. But if one can train others and send them to us here I shall be fully satisfied." (Life in Letters p Vol. II.302)

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Father Marie Ephrem regrets the appalling situation in Trivandrum, India, of Catholics made to follow Protestant religion. He writes to Father General, "A good number of our Catholics here have become Protestant and their apostasy is attributed in great part to the protestant education they received in school." He continues in the same letter about the question of Cloistered Carmel coming to India. He says, "Our cloistered sisters have a great desire to come here. But I am always of the opinion that the Tertiaries must arrive first, or at least at the same time as the others, but as the Tertiaries cannot leave before a year at least, it is better that the others wait." (Life in Letters p. Vol. II 302)

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Father Marie Ephrem shares with other Carmelite Fathers his happiness over the founding of the Third Order Regular and his determined decision not permit Sister Veronica come to India. In his letter to Father Syndique, a Carmelite, he writes "I am happy with the decision of Your Reverence that Sister Veronica opens the Third Order in France and sends the subjects over to India, at least at for the present... I am quite satisfied with these arrangements." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.303)

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Mother Veronica completed her six months' novitiate at Pau and, on 15 December, in the biting cold, ten days before Christmas, (although she desired to spent Christmas in the cloister), she left the convent gates dressed in a long black dress and an old hat - for disguise was necessary. No nun could traverse the roads alone till very recently and still less could she do so in the nineteenth century. Mother Veronica went in search of a place to start the new Third Oder. (Life in Letters Vol. II p.304)

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Mother Veronica faced many unexpected difficulties and challenges while she was looking for a place to begin the foundation. To the Carmelite General she enumerates some of the hardships: The biting cold; the longing for the contemplative life; the disappointment at the hopeless situation in Savoy, especially the lack of money; the intense loneliness; the humiliation; the rejection, the condemnation as a woman of loose character, a fraud - no priest would even hear her confession, and that by the Carmelite fathers, notwithstanding the hand-written letter of Introduction from the Carmelite General himself, which, for want of a seal, was set aside as fake. Above all, the utter failure in her search for candidates, a place, a house, finally ending in her return to Pau with empty hands. She has paid the price for our precious Apostolic Carmel. ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.304)

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In another letter, dated 14 December1867, she shares her painful feelings and acceptance of the Cross to Father General, "I left our dear Carmel of Pau sadly, leaving behind my heart, for it is there that I found my true self; I was in my element, in short in my earthly paradise. Ever since I came away I am like a poor vagabond, an exile. I feel as though all my bones are dislocated. But I know that God's work can be established only through the Cross and suffering, and I offer myself voluntarily to do all he will ask of me, hoping that this work will be for his greater glory." ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.305)

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Mother Veronica takes inspiration from St. Teresa and with a ray of hope she boldly proceeds in her work. She unburdens her struggles to Father General: "I have faced many difficulties but I console myself at the thought that when our holy Mother Teresa made her foundations in Spain, she had many difficulties too; so I am recommending this work also to her, as it is only a continuation and complement of hers, over which she keeps watch from heaven... It is good to trust in the Lord... I do not wish to undertake anything without his authorization, so that we can thus hope for God's blessings. (Life in Letters Vol. II p.306- 7)

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Father Dominic strengthens the spirit of Mother Veronica, the greatness of her undertaking, "You must be surprised at the obstacles you find in accomplishing your glorious enterprise; it is usually so in works done for God; but you know that success is promised to perseverance... and God will bless you. On my part I will assist you as far as it depends on me. (Life in Letters Vol. II p.309)

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Almost three months in vain, Mother Veronica went about trying to secure a place for foundation. She was confronted with situation the least unexpected. At a juncture when she was wearied in body confused in mind and low in spirit, the timely letter of Father General gave her a ray of hope. She writes, "These precious words of encouragement which Your Reverence wrote to me were 'what oil is to a lamp'. I was dejected and was like a wanderer, quite at a loss, out in the world without knowing to whom to write, so as to live my vow of obedience, which I had made to my superiors as a Carmelite of our Holy Order. ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.310-11)

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From la Roche, on March 1, 1868, Mother Veronica writes to Father General: "More than once, finding myself all alone, not knowing whom to turn for aid, I thought of returning to my Carmel of Pau, but not because I refused to suffer or to devote myself to whatsoever my superiors would want to impose on me; but what is painful is the thought that I am abandoned; that they leave me to what I think is best, while I ask only to obey, and it is this that hindered me from giving up, for I kept saying to myself, "It is obedience that brought me here and I shall leave only through obedience." (Life in Letters Vol. II s p.311)

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The following lines remind us of the importance of being with persons in their critical moments. Father Dominic's caring support was truly like 'what oil is to a lamp' to Mother Veronica. She tells him now, "I do not fear the obstacles and difficulties that I may have to encounter when I follow the directions of my superiors... I have indeed encountered problems and they are still far from being smoothed out- but now at the words of your Reverence, I shall go ahead with new courage and firm confidence that our Lord will make me triumph over all obstacles and that he will lead me finally to these dear Missions for which I would willingly sacrifice my life." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.311)

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Understanding the situation in which Mother Veronica was placed; Father Dominic encourages and tries to do all in his part to support Mother Veronica. His letter dated 10 March, 1868 reveals, "I will try to engage the superiors of our convents in France (OCD Fathers) to procure vocations for you, and I will write to Landon also. Put your confidence in God. Pray to the Blessed Virgin Mary of Mount Carmel, to St. Joseph, our Mother, St. Teresa, and struggle on without stopping before difficulties. One does not usually accomplish a good work of importance without having to encounter great obstacles." ( Life in Letters Vol. II.312)

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In moments of hopelessness and doubts, Mother Veronica asks Father Marie Ephrem to confirm if she is on the right path. He responds clarifying her doubts, letter dated 14 April, 1868: "You ask me for a word of encouragement, and one word to assure you that you are really acting under obedience. That, my very dear child, I will send you with all my heart. I am pleased with you; I approve of what you are doing; I bless you, and I beg our Lord who alone has the power to make what we undertake for his glory, prosper and succeed, bless you and strengthen you in the midst of the difficulties you meet with. Have no fear of the path which you tread, or for the work which you have undertaken through obedience. (Life in Letters Vol. II p.313- 14)

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Father Marie Ephrem once again affirms to Mother Veronica: "You are on the path of obedience, and I desire you to continue to work for the foundation of the Third Order... I beg all the fathers of our Order to assist you in this foundation, so important for our missions, and which I desire with all my heart. ( Life in Letters Vol. II p.314- 15)

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From the Carmel of Pau, Mother Veronica writes to Father Dominic, on 7 June 1868, about the persons who stood by her in the hour of need. "Of all the Fathers, it is the prior of Montpellier who is inclined to take the success of our work seriously." The strain in obtaining permission from the bishop of Bayonne she states, "It is difficult to go all by myself, a poor Carmelite in disguise, as no one wants me to wear our holy habit. So, I appear like a vagabond before bishops and important personages, with no one to support me, not even to accompany me... if it is were not for holy obedience, I would not take a step, for I have neither any attraction for this roving life of a foundress, nor do I claim the honors that accrue to it." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.316- 17)

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There were moments when Mother Veronica felt almost to abandon her dream of founding a Carmel for mission. She writes on 7 June 1868 to Father Dominic her interior struggles... "Readily and wholeheartedly, I shall go to India, dedicate myself, even give my life; if our Lord gave me this signal grace... I am not at all inclined to this way of living... Our Holy Mother Teresa was never alone, when she went about making her foundations. She had at least someone by her side when she had to go personally. As for me I am quite alone." (Life in Letters Vol. II p.317)

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The Bishop of Bayonne gives consent to begin the foundation in his diocese. Mother Veronica informs this good news to Father Dominic. He gives her the approval to start, letter dated June11, 1868: "I grant you very willingly the permission to found at Bayonne. You must express my thanks to his lordship, and also to our dear sisters and Rev. Mothers, the Carmelites of Bayonne. I hope that our dear Jesus will not abandon you and, since his Divine goodness has allowed you to begin the work, his providence will do the rest. My thanks to our dear Mothers at Pau, for their charity, and for their eagerness to aid you in the foundations of the Third Order. (Life in Letters Vol. II p.319)

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At last God leads to the destiny. Mother Veronica tells Father Marie Ephrem from Pau on 13 June 1868: "At Bayonne, where we have finally decided that the foundation should be made. In my dealings with the Bishop of Bayonne, it is only by being very submissive to him that I could gain something and so I could do what I wanted. He has to be treated as a major superior. I shall carry on very tactfully and nicely, by being submissive and trustful, which is not at all difficult, since he is such a friendly and lovable old man. (Life in Letters Vol. II p.323)

Life in Carmel

The following day of their entering the Carmel, Mother Veronica was clothed as a Carmelite. Mary the Arab was given the name Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified; she wore a black postulants dress. Mother Veronica reminisces: "This poor child was happy, delighted to find herself among all these holy religious. She was in her element. I was like her; all that we saw all that we heard was delicious to us." After eight days they were admitted, according to the custom at Carmel to join the novitiate. (Auto bio p.82)

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Father Martin, the Provincial appreciates the rough and rugged road traversed by Mother Veronica to cradle the foundation at Bayonne which is the work of God. He reaffirms her of the Divine protection and providence experienced through the kindness shown by the Bishop of Bayonne and a large enough house she procured for her young community. He tells her, "You have been led there by the hand, as it were. As you will remark, God is a banker who never fails. To doubt, it is to wrong him whose goodness and riches are boundless... We pray and will ask others to pray for your undertaking." (Life in Letters. p 325)

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Father Marie Ephrem expresses his happiness as God is gradually unveiling his plan for the Little Carmel. He notes, "I see with true satisfaction that you are always guided by holy obedience. However little success you may have at La Roche, it will always be a great gain for you and the work, that you are able to say to yourself, "I have obeyed" How much strength and merit there is in those simple words, "I have obeyed." (Life in Letters. p 325)

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Father Marie Ephrem is happy to note Father General's personal interest in the affairs of the new foundation at Bayonne. He tells Mother Veronica, "Obey him; do whatever he may tell you; go wherever he may send you and rest assured that God will be with you. Father Marie Ephrem also gives the good news of new recruits in India, "You have some Postulants who are most impatient to see the sisters arrive (India). Beg our good God to strengthen them in their vocation. Remember the words of our holy rule, "in silence and in hope lies your strength" Let us try to be silent 'wait, pray, resign, ourselves and hope; that will be our strength. (Life in Letters. p 326)

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Fr. Inchauspe the Superior of Bayonne community writes to Mother Veronica, letter dated September 27, 1868, "Ever since you were committed to my care, the object of my constant solicitude and, with the grace of God, I am ready to sacrifice everything that I may fulfill my duty towards you. Speak to me then in freedom and command me... ever united to your Divine Spouse, remain in peace and quiet, filled with confidence in him. The greater your confidence in God, the more he will sustain you. (Life in Letters. p 329-30)

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Father Dominic the Titular General writes to Mother Veronica in his letter dated November 18, 1868, "Remember that I take great interest in your work; also, I see that Rev. Father Prior of Montpellier is doing all that he can for you... Fear nothing from the devil; he can bark but cannot bite if we have nothing to do with him... place yourself under the protection of the Blessed Virgin of Mount Carmel of St. Joseph. (Life in Letters. p 331)

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Bishop Marie Ephraim is full of joy and gratitude to God that in mysterious ways he chose Mother Veronica to fulfill his plan. 'The Apostolic Carmel'. This is what He writes to her in his letter dated December 12, 1868, "How much I admire the designs of God in all that has passed…He has withdrawn you, my child from the protestant religion, and led you into the pure and holy light of the beloved Church; and not content with this, he has chosen you out of ten thousand to be his beloved bride and the instrument of his designs in the order of this Apostolic Carmel. God be praised for having looked with an eye of mercy on this our work, which is also his. (Life in Letters. p 333)

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Father Marie Ephrem acknowledges the painful struggles and obstacles Mother Veronica encountered in the initial work of the foundation and those which she would have face for its stabilization. He considers all of these as the proofs that God loves this work. "Therefore, devote yourself to it entirely. I order you to do so by the authority I have over you. I pray for your dear work, for you who are the cornerstone of it, for our dear children, who are the first fruits, and your worthy superior who is the workman... I beg of Jesus to fill the hearts of all who dwell in our house... with his grace and love; and the spirit of zeal and sacrifice. (Life in Letters. p 333)

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Father Marie Ephrem is convinced of the good grounding of the sisters who would be shouldering this entire edifice of the Apostolic Carmel. Therefore, he reminds the foundress, "Do not hurry too much... before starting, establish a solid foundation. We will wait until the time comes; I should greatly regret seeing no English novices in your number. They are very necessary it seems to me; but Jesus knows better than we do what is needed. (Life in Letters. p 334)

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Quite often God permits his chosen souls to walk alone facing all the tumultuous tempests while he veils his presence. Father Gratian the Prior of the Carmelite monastery at Montpellier is aware of the storm Mother Veronica faced in this venture. In his letter dated March 10, 1869 he writes "I thank our Lord that our Very Rev. Father General has taken your affair to heart. I will not hide from you that I had some fears on this subject. I thank him for the encouragement he has given you in the midst of all your trials. These are a good sign. It is as good as a brilliant and rapid success. My poor, dear Sister, trials come to you from every country, from France, From England, From India, from Rome and from hell as well as heaven; but tempests do not last forever. (Life in Letters. p 335)

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Once you put your hand into the plough do not turn back. How true it is with Mother Veronica. Bishop Marie Ephrem is very pleased with Mother Veronica regarding the progress of the Little Carmel in less than year. He writes to her on May 18, 1869, "I know that you are working enthusiastically and that consoles me. They say also that our Lord blesses our dear convent at Bayonne... As for me it is needless to tell you that I am with you in heart, prayers and works... I need not tell you that one of my first cares, on arriving in France, will be to pay a visit to our dear little convent at Bayonne and there bless our first children. (Life in Letters. p 336-37)

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The Carmelite mission in India greatly and urgently needed the service of sisters for education and faith formation of young people. However, Bishop Marie Ephrem lays greater importance of the formation of young Sisters before they step into the field. He tells Mother Veronica, not be in a hurry. "My daughter; you know that the works of God begin in poverty, and are formed slowly. You have tasted poverty in the beginning and trials also; now wait patiently that all may be done in God's own time. (Life in Letters. p 337)

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The maxim 'After a storm comes the calm' is true in the life of Mother Veronica. People who knew her recognized how tenderly and providentially God led her through varied circumstances. Bishop Marie Ephrem reminds Mother Veronica. "You know, my daughter, with what tenderness and sweetness the Providence of God has led you this far, bringing to their fulfillment the designs he had upon you when the hour was come, the hour which no one can hasten or delay. You know how our Lord has protected you from dangers and has delivered you and through how many varied experiences you have had to pass, to reach the place where you now are. (Life in Letters. p 337)

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Bishop Marie Ephrem appreciates the heroism and goodness of Mother Veronica. He expresses, "I have desired, and still desire, that you should become a great saint... wait in silence and hope; there lies your strength. Wait also in prayer and in practice of those virtues which make good religious. Form our children of the dear convent of Bayonne in obedience, in humility, and in mortification. Prepare them to become instruments of mercy and salvation. (Life in Letters. p 337)

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Father Dominic the Superior General. in his letter dated July 7, 1869 encourages. Mother Veronica, "It is generally the case with works undertaken for the glory of God, that they are tried and proved by contradictions, especially at the beginning, and so the embarrassment sent you by the evil one is a fresh proof that God wishes to make use of this foundation for the good of souls, continue to work with courage, for God is with you. I am glad to see that your work prospers daily. (Life in Letters. p 338)

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A word of caution from Father Dominic to Mother Veronica, "I advise you not to receive any postulants who come from other congregations. Those who come out of the world are more readily moulded to your Rule and customs than those coming from other communities... they have quitted and are always a source of anxiety and embarrassment. I thank God that he has deigned to console you with so excellent a subject as Sister Mary Elias of St. Teresa. Try to ground her well in the spirit of her vocation. She will render great service to the congregation in the future, and will be a help to you in the midst of your occupations. Strive to make her acquire profound humility and blind obedience. (Life in Letters. p 338)

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Till mid – 1869, with regard to the new foundation, things had been going on very well, as we have seen between Mother Veronica and Bishop Marie Ephrem. True, in a letter here and there, we had picked up that the bishop was not very keen on having Mother Veronica in India, at least for the near future, whatever his reasons. On the other hand, Mother Veronica had been planning and making arrangements for the personnel she would have to leave in her place in the Little Carmel in Bayonne, when she left for India. But nothing negative had surfaced between the two collaborators. (Life in Letters. p 343)

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Bishop Marie Ephrem visited Bayonne in September 1869. He was not pleased with some of Mother Veronica's practices- the habit, the fasts, the cloister and he had gone away from the Little Carmel without saying a word to Mother Veronica and apparently irritated. This was the first time that any friction had arisen between the two. (Life in Letters. p 343)

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It seems to be that Father Manaudas, one the priests at the seminary close to Little Carmel, who was not well disposed of the new convent; opposed everything even reserving the Blessed Sacrament in the convent chapel. He miscommunicated to Bishop Marie Ephrem and others things about Carmel. Mother Veronica had its repercussions. She had done nothing without the knowledge of her Superior Father Inchauspe. This is what she later writes to the Bishop Marie Ephrem letter dated October 26, 1869: Our good Father Inchauspe said, “We must arrange everything in a suitable manner and then you will request Mgr. to set up the enclosure, which he will be happy to do and he will allow you to reserve the Blessed Sacrament." She states, "As for me, I carried out all the directions of Father Inchauspe, who drew up the plans and directed all the work." (Life in Letters. p 347)

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Mother Veronica from her experiences had dreaded parlours without grills, where curious visitors came to waste time just for the pleasure of seeing Carmelites. The Carmelite Father General had visited the Carmel; he had gone round seeing everything and was quite pleased that they were cloistered. He also went through the constitutions and made minor changes and told her that they should observe the fasts and abstinences of the Third Order Secular. She gives detailed explanation for all her doings. Yet she humbly submits to make necessary changes as per his guidance. ( Life in Letters. p 348-49)

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Bishop Marie Ephrem's reply, to Mother Veronica, of November 6, 1869 was not a pleasant one. She writes, "To say that the letter you sent me did not give me pain would be untruth. But knowing that in everything. I have no other intention than to act under holy Obedience, and since I can, despite all my miseries and sins, give proof of having always obeyed in whatever concerns this foundation, from the smallest to the greatest detail, I soon felt consoled. Besides, our worthy superior and very good Father, Canon Inchauspe, arrived and very kindly reassured me entirely, on this matter of holy obedience." (Life in Letters. p 352)

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Mother Veronica once again places before Bishop Marie Ephrem the need for episcopal enclosure and not like that of Great Carmel; "I ask you to promise that you will at least grant episcopal enclosure for all the houses that we will be asked to open in India, that is to say, that apart from the parlours, neither seculars nor ecclesiastics must enter the interior of our monasteries, except, of course, in the cases permitted by the rules regarding enclosure." (Life in Letters. p 353)

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Mother Veronica speaks of the importance of living a common life. "As for mortifications and penances, in Carmel I have seen how the novices were made to follow the rule of common life without any exemptions, and till today I have followed this way of life. (Life in Letters. p 353)

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We notice the persistence of Mother Veronica in what she believes is the necessity for the Apostolic Carmelites. Addressing to Mgr. Marie Ephrem she says, "I have seen such wretched and scandalous happenings in religious houses in India, in which there is no enclosure of any kind, that I say it openly even to you Mgr., and my father, that I will never consent to return there, without this safeguard. Remember Father that I have travelled more in India than you. I have stayed in different religious houses, in Madres, Calcutta, Burma, and it is only among the sisters of Loretto at Calcutta, where these precautions are taken... I was edified and breathed the sweet odour of Jesus Christ. If your Excellency can allow us the enclosure like that of the Ursulines, we shall be quite satisfied." (Life in Letters. p 353-54)

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Mother Veronica, a woman of obedience, was dutiful in consulting obeying and implementing the suggestions made by her superiors Mgr. La Croix Father General and Cannon Inchauspe concerning the new foundation. In spite of Bishop Marie Ephrem not seeing eye to eye with her, when he raises objections that it is not possible to impose on Indian Missions rules and observations already drawn up, the foundress sadly retorts, "But Father, can you please tell me why I left the Carmel of Pau and why we are here together? If Your Excellency does not want us in India, then what purpose does this foundation serve? It is not to remain in Bayonne, nor to give pleasure to the inhabitants of this town, that we have worked and struggled to form this community?" (Life in Letters. p 354)

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Father Lazare, full of concern for Mother Veronica and her mission, writes, "God only knows, how dear the Apostolic Carmel is to me... rest assured that I will come and help you, encourage and defend you, if it is necessary... in the meantime, be obedient to all that His Lordship asks of you. I am more anxious than ever to be with you; neither pity nor affection for you is wanting... I would do anything in the world to save you the least pain. May the divine Master someday grant me the grace to lighten for you all those sufferings which come on you from all quarters! (Life in Letters. p 355)

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Bishop Marie Ephrem once more chastises Mother Veronica. In her letter of January 11, 1870, in all humility she begs pardon and is willing to take all the blame on herself without an excuse. But she resolutely tells him "I assure you, Father, that I neither wish nor desire, anything but holy obedience, I willingly undertake all the observances and the Constitutions that Your dear Excellency intends assigning us, and this withdraw without any reserve... It is God who keeps watch over his work" (Life in Letters. p 356-57)

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The tone of Bishop Marie Ephrem’s letter is definitely not life giving, after all the agonizing experiences Mother Veronica had singly faced to sow the seed of Carmel. We can feel her spirit of magnanimity as she responds to Father Marie Ephrem. "As for me and as regards what I have done about the matter, it is not surprising, considering what I am, that it should be bad and defective, but, at least, I have the goodwill to correct myself. And all that you can say or think of me will never be as much as I deserve. So, I thank you, my good and kind Father, for all that you have the charity to tell me. It is the greatest service you could render me." (Life in Letters. p 357)

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Mother Veronica's spirit of humility protected the sapling of Apostolic Carmel from destruction in its infancy. She says, "I have been telling you, Father that when one remains on one's dung, one is always satisfied and there is no chance of hurting oneself, should one fall. So here I am, ready for the work envisaged by your Excellency, "without fear" at least, if not "without reproach" (Life in Letters. p 357)

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There is pain and anguish in the heart of Mother Veronica, but no trace of bitterness when opposed and humiliated. She bows her head in humble submission to Bishop Marie Ephrem. "And now, Father, I am going to prostrate myself, so that Your Excellency may kindly give me a big blessing, wholeheartedly, won't you? Also a big absolution, after which you will not be displeased with your poor daughter." (Life in Letters. p 358)

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Soon after arrival of the first group of three sisters two more were added. They were Sister Agnes and Sister Cecile. Bishop Marie Ephrem appointed Sister Agnes the prioress, Sister Marie des Anges the mistress of novices and Sister Elias headmistress of the school. (A Life in Letters 375)

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Bishop Michael Anthony, had got together a few Indian girls, who wished to be religious, and given them some sort of training, while awaiting the arrival of Mother Veronica's daughters. The Indian sisters based in Mangalore immediately became part of the Apostolic Carmel community, while those teaching in schools in Calicut, Cannanore and Tellicherry followed, as they could be spared, to make the novitiate under sister Marie des Anges. (A Life in Letters 376).

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Once the sisters were settled in their new home, Mother Veronica, their erstwhile novice mistress, took over again from afar and kept writing epistles to them full of advice on how to conduct themselves as religious in this foreign land, as well as of news of the Little Carmel at Bayonne, which had so far been their home. She would write to them individually and collectively. (A Life in Letters 375).

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At first, everything went well, but gradually it became evident that Bishop Marie Ephrem was not prepared to fall in with what Mother Veronica the foundress had envisaged for her daughters, the Apostolic Carmelites. This disagreement became a problem for the young sisters, so new in the religious life and yet at the helm. Things came to a head after the profession of Mary of Jesus Crucified, 21 November 1871. (A Life in Letters 376).

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Mother Veronica writes to her daughters in India, "May Jesus deign to make you saints, each on the path where it pleases his Divine majesty to lead you. Poor little Mother Agnes- poor children, all of you; I do not know what to say but my heart cries out to Jesus for you; night and day. Before your letter of Holy week arrived, and for a long time too, I have been suffering for all of you and with you, for my heart had a presentiment that my dear children were going through temptations and trails. I cannot tell you what anguish I suffered. (A Life in Letters 380).

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Mother Veronica exhorts her daughters to practice the virtue of humility. In her letter of May 1871, she writes, "My children, may humility and charity reign among you. A humility that is not charitable is false, and a charity that is not humble is artificial. (A Life in Letters 380).

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Mother Veronica's advice to those who hold responsible assignments, "You, my children, Sister Agnes and Sister des Anges, who are in charge, hold fast to your nothingness by reflecting on what you are – nothing but little, ignorant children – recognize this simple truth and you will not lack humility, I recommend this maxim very specially to you, my dear child, Sister Elias, since the good God blesses you with the grace of having more opportunities perhaps than the others to practice it.(A Life in Letters 380-81).

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To Sister St. Joseph and Sister Cecilia, she says, "I request you and exhort you, not to wound holy charity, that thus you may be recognized as children of Jesus." To Sister St. Joseph, "Have a similar love and universal devotedness towards all her beloved companions... not be familiar with anyone, especially with someone who has procured for you more than once." To another, "I exhort Sister Cecilia to be converted and not to be so ill-natured towards the poor little Indians." (A Life in Letters 381).

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Mother Veronica advises Sister Agnes on the importance of sound initial formation. "If you are too hasty in giving the holy habit to the postulants in India, and, even more so, to get them to make their profession, you will have more than one scandal and more than one defection." (A Life in Letters 382)

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By now Mother Veronica was aware that bishop Marie Ephrem was biased towards her. She tells her daughters "You will do well, my children, not to talk about me nor of our Father to Monsignor or to our priests. You see that it is not acceptable, as you will only cause more trouble than you already have." Again and again, she reminds them to practice the virtue of humility: "Always be very humble and very charitable – united among yourselves. Let each of you remember this beautiful maxim: I am nothing, I can do nothing, I know nothing. This path is very sure and filled with sweetness and peace. (A Life in Letters 382).

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Mother Veronica replies to the letter of Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified in June 1871. She says from the depths of her heart she is thus inspired to write, "Jesus always chooses the most wretched and most unworthy to do his work, so that they themselves and all men recognize that they are only instruments in the hands of God who is their master, and who makes use of nothingness to make his power effective, and finally in order that these poor instruments may themselves feel no pride or self-love, when they see what they truly are, namely dung and rottenness. (A Life in Letters 386).

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Mother Veronica replies to the letter of Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified in June 1871. She says from the depths of her heart she is thus inspired to write, "Jesus always chooses the most wretched and most unworthy to do his work, so that they themselves and all men recognize that they are only instruments in the hands of God who is their master, and who makes use of nothingness to make his power effective, and finally in order that these poor instruments may themselves feel no pride or self-love, when they see what they truly are, namely dung and rottenness. (A Life in Letters 386).

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Mary of Jesus Crucified shares with Mother Veronica her interior struggles. The latter shares her feelings, "You have told me, my dear little one, that you are on the verge of discouragement. And I, my child, I am so completely left to myself, so engulfed in the darkness and ocean of my sins and my infinite miseries, that in a miraculous way God keeps me from despair. The only thing that sustains me that, from the depths of the abyss in which I am, I have unbounded confidence in the mercy of God and feel that he will direct everything for me according to his holy will, which still urges me towards India." (A Life in Letters 386).

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Bishop Marie Ephrem initially though had great regards for Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified, later he became biased in his attitude towards her. She suffered much, in moments of darkness, she seeks consolations from Mother Veronica of the pain and conflicts she undergoes. Mother Veronica counsels her in the following words, "Mgr. M. Ephrem is a Saint... I have seen the great good he does to souls, but God sometimes permits saints to mortify others. If we know to profit by all this, it will all turn to our profit and sanctification, including our own sins and miseries, which are far more painful to bear than all the crosses which might come to us from others." (A Life in Letters 386-87)

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Mother Veronica too was despised by Mgr. M. Ephrem. She requests Mary of Jesus Crucified for prayer, "Pray for me, my dear child, more specially that Jesus may make my poor heart meek and truly humble like his own. That is my cry day and night. Do me the kindness of joining with your unworthy, very poor miserable mother in this." (A Life in Letters 387)

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The letters written by Mother Veronica to her daughters in India are subject to scrutiny by the Bishop. Her freedom is restricted to write to them as a mother would. Therefore, she says, "I have told you the reason why I am writing only in general and I shall continue doing so, until you tell me the situation - whether you are free to write and to receive my letters without their being inspected by anyone ... You know that I believe that a mother should and can say certain things to her children which would not be understood by strangers." (A Life in Letters 388)

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Mother Veronica's letter of July 1871 to her daughters gives the feel that at this time in India, they were like sheep without a shepherd. She writes with a comforting heart, "My poor children, how I would like to be with you to console you and bear your trials. Our Lord knows it very well, my dear little ones". She was disturbed that the privacy of the convent was not maintained, causing disorderliness. "Patience, my children, the good God will permit me to help you... put up with inconveniences in a spirit of penance and mortification. Offer it for the success of your work to gain souls for our Lord." (A Life in Letters 388)

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Mother Veronica writes to her daughters her anxiety about paying of the debt incurred in maintenance of the little Carmel. "I must tell you a little of what we are doing at the poor Little Carmel. First of all, a black veil has been placed on the Father St. Joseph, because he did not send us the money to pay the rest of the debt Mlle. Murgeon is claiming... However, you can see tears welling up in my eyes, because I have never in my life loved this good Father St. Joseph so much. It grieves me so, to see him covered." (A Life in Letters 395)

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Mother Veronica was not free to write letters to her daughters as they were not delivered to them. This is what she writes to her daughters, "You complain, my very dear child, little Mother Agnes, that I do not write to you. I think my letters do not reach you, or rather, they are not given to you. I am not at all free to write to you, not knowing what is happening to so many letters that I have written to you. With the exception of sister Agnes, none of you has written to me. Since her departure, I sent at least three or four letters. If you knew, my poor children, all the pain and anxiety I go through regarding you. One has to be a mother to understand it." (A Life in Letters 396)

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Mother Veronica to Sr. Agnes, "I am happy to hear such good news of your regularity, my children. Monsignor is very happy with all of you. Perhaps he does not show you appreciation on this subject, so that you may not be proud, but I tell it to you in order to encourage you... We are preparing ourselves also for the renewal of vows and I see that the good God already showers many graces on our little community." (A Life in Letters 402)

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Mother Veronica writes to Bishop Marie Ephrem concerning her daughters: "I feel very consoled to know that you are pleased with my dear children- poor little ones. God watches over them and gives them the graces they need to make themselves useful, although they know very little (except Sister Elias) of the human sciences. I also feel that these dear children have gone through a period of temptations during the past three years... They write to tell me that you, as well as all our Fathers, are very kind to them. May God reward you for the help you extend to them and may they be more and more worthy of this mark of affection." (A Life in Letters 404)

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Mother Veronica's message to Sr. Agnes, "Since you are despised and afflicted by men, for the love of God and our Order, be of good courage, my child, but always with humility and sweetness, and be firm and fear nothing. Take a strong stand regarding good order and religious observance. Remember you have promised to be Carmelites of the Third Order Regular and are not the Sisters of St. Joseph who belong to the Third Order Secular." (A Life in Letters 408)

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Mother Veronica's advice to Sr. Elias in January 1872: “I have heard of your dispersion, my dear children, with much grief. These mixtures cannot succeed; however, I beg of you, my dearest child, to overcome evil with good. Let holy humility and sweet and gentle patience be the continual rule of your conduct; Obey in all things that are not against your conscience and be quite confident that although those that command may err, a humble obedience will always receive its reward and bring you safe to that blessed home." (A Life in Letters 409)

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Mother Veronica encourages Sr. Elias, "Oh, dear child, if we could only rein in this fiery spirit and become saints by holy patience! Indeed, I think that you and I might be very high in heaven - but how difficult it is to acquire this virtue... You know and feel that your joys are my joys and your griefs are mine. Pray for me and be quite sure that I can never be anything but your most affectionate but unworthy mother." (A Life in Letters 410)

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Mother Veronica shares the anguish of her heart to Father Lazare in February 1872: "Alas, my God, what anguish my poor heart suffers sometimes when I feel or I know that my children, whom our Lord has given me, are faced with suffering or are in difficulty – and all the more at present, when I know that my poor lambs are dispersed here and there among strangers, and that they have even got them (Sisters of St. Joseph) admitted into their little convent of Mangalore! (A Life in Letters 411)

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Father Lazare spiritually energizes Sr. Agnes: May our Lord be blessed for everything…if we are innocent of that of which we are accused today, let us expiate the past by the present. We cannot do it except by kissing the hand that strikes us. The heavier it is, the more is he merciful. Let us kiss it then with love, with rapture... it will save us. How good it is, my daughter, how sweet it is to rest in that adorable hand." (A Life in Letters 413)

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Father Lazare uplifts the spirit of Sister Agnes in his letter in February 1872: "Dear daughter let us not be troubled any further about these things. Let us entrust them entirely to our Lord. He will know to sort out falsehood from truth. Let us busy ourselves only with him and supplicate him that he might pardon those who make use of such means to do us harm. If we keep ourselves in close union with our Lord and submit to the will of God, he will not hold out. So, courage! One day, God will make the truth shine. Let us learn to be patient and to serve him." (A Life in Letters 420)

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Bishop Marie Ephrem writes to Mother Marie des Anges April 7, 1872: "Courage my dear child. Continue to be, as you always were, obedient, submissive, and respectful, like a child to its superiors, and do not be disturbed by what Mother Veronica tells you. As regards Mother Veronica, keep back all her letters coming from her, no matter to whom they be addressed." (A Life in Letters 423)

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Mother Veronica's advice to her daughters through Sister Agnes, letter dated Easter Sunday 1872: "My children, for love of this sweet savior of our souls, prize this grace of suffering contempt and persecution – it is the grace of graces, if you can profit by it. Be humble my daughters. Be always little. Do not complain; always submit to all the pain that Jesus permits to be inflicted on you. Be at peace. In silence and in hope shall be your strength. (A Life in Letters 424)

JMV

Mother Veronica is very anxious for her daughters who are suffering much in Mangalore. In her letter of April 1872, she exhorts them: "Count it a singular grace, an extraordinary honour, to be able to suffer and to be despised for Jesus. Be always humble and obedient but very firm in your duty and hold fast to the spirit of our holy order which you were given at the beginning. (A Life in Letters 430)

JMV

Mother Veronica is almost devastated, failing to reason out the muddled situation in Mangalore including the plight of Mary of Jesus Crucified. She shares her pain with Fr. Lazare: "What surprises me greatly is that our sisters of the "Great Carmel" are so enthused, so blinded, that they seem to see and hear only one person, only one voice. Even that lamb, my little beloved Sister Mary of Jesus Crucified, is no longer worth anything to anyone. But it is good to be so, she has Jesus. Suffer and continue to suffer – that is our blessed lot." (A Life in Letters 435)

Supplication

Mother Veronica was so disturbed in mind and heart that she believed all their false accusation without knowing what way. In such a state of darkness and torture of soul, says Mother Veronica, "I believed I was guilty of all they accused me of. Fear took hold of my soul; I could see myself damned in the hands of the devils. Fears, panic caught hold of me I could not sleep not eat. At night if I dozed a little I got up with a start. My heart beat violently and I thought I was falling into hell."(Auto bio p.218)